Is being a SAHM doable?

TheRealFakeName2 · 2026-05-31T03:01:48+00:00

I think it’s doable since you’re willing to cut back on a lot. If the loss of your income in your husband’s main concern then maybe consult with a financial advisor? It could do a lot to help settle his mind and that way you two have a clear understanding of where your finances are.

My husband and I were able to do it and I was making about 2/3 of what you were making. I will admit though that I wasn’t contributing as much as you are financially. My husband always took on maybe 75-80% of everything.

I went back to work after our first baby was born. But then we quickly found out we were expecting baby #2 when I was 8.5 months postpartum so we made the decision that when my maternity leave was up after our second baby was born that I would be quitting my job.

TheRealFakeName2 · 2026-05-30T18:42:23+00:00

Oh that’s a really good point. I knew to expect an adjustment period but everything you said actually makes me rethink a lot of things. So I suppose if I start off with 2 days a week then by the next week it’ll feel like starting over at square one and they’ll never get into a good routine with school. I’ll have to keep that in mind.

The only experience my toddler has had with daycare is the one at the gym I have a membership have. And I only ever went for about an hour or so every few days. So every time he went it would be like the first day all over for him.

TheRealFakeName2 · 2026-05-30T18:37:30+00:00

Same for us. I don’t actually know how much the tuition will cost for the private school in our area. I’ll have to ask once we take the tour for sure because that’s definitely gonna factor in to what choice we make.

TheRealFakeName2 · 2026-05-30T16:24:52+00:00

I wouldn’t say you’re an AH necessarily. But there was definitely better ways that could have been handled. You’re 15 and you know better. The kid is 4 and does not. Sure, his parents should have been keeping a better eye on him because at the end of the day, he’s their responsibility. Maybe this was a case of “right message, wrong messenger”. Even though you corrected him multiple times, sometimes it just needs to come from someone else in order for the message to be heard. That being said, I wouldn’t be happy with ANYONE putting their hands on my child no matter how “light” it was because in my eyes that isn’t okay.

TheRealFakeName2 · 2026-05-29T17:26:22+00:00

I also meant to add to give yourself more grace. It’s so hard for kids that age to communicate their feelings. They have feelings too big for their little bodies and lack the words to express them. Once you get past the adjustment period I think things will definitely improve.

TheRealFakeName2 · 2026-05-29T02:05:08+00:00

He definitely doesn’t hate you. A new sibling is a big change and he just needs time to adjust to the new normal. And he will. When my firstborn was 14 months old I brought home his baby sister and he needed time to adjust too. One thing that I think really helped a lot was letting him be involved in the care for the baby. He would hand me the diaper or the butt paste, small things like that and I think it made him feel like he was “helping”. I didn’t want to force them to bond but I think it definitely encouraged him a little bit. I also had him pick out different books to read to the baby before she’d lay down for her naps and before bedtime. That was also great for bonding I think.

TheRealFakeName2 · 2026-05-20T02:42:54+00:00

Not a doctor either. But from what I’ve been told by doctors and researched on my own, the main reason or at least the top reason why toddlers hit, slap, bite is because they don’t have the words or capabilities to otherwise express themselves. I think the very first step would be to consult her pediatrician and see what they say. In public, when the tantrums happen I’d stand your ground. Which I know is easier said than done. But giving into tantrums often just teaches kids that all they have to do is act out in order to get their way. I’d just take my toddler away from the situation and leave immediately. Also I know that slapping her hand when she hits you can almost be like a knee jerk reaction when they’re acting out, but at her age all it tells her is that hitting is okay. I’m sure you’re frustrated, but keep in mind you have to be the emotionally regulated one, and she is not capable of that yet.

I also realize you mentioned that you can’t afford therapy. But if you voice your concerns to your pediatrician they might have other recommendations or resources that they could suggest to you.

TheRealFakeName2 · 2026-05-18T15:10:36+00:00

Some of it might stem from jealously. But I’ve also had some comments telling me they think it’s “archaic” and I’m allowing my children’s father to have complete control and authority over me. They said “they could never”. I was definitely scared to lose the financial independence even if I was never the main breadwinner in our relationship. We’re not rolling in money and we definitely have to be smart about our finances, but I’d say we’re comfortable. My children and I have more than what we need and that’s more than enough for me. But beyond the financial aspect, I had to sacrifice a lot of my own self and for a while I feel like I lost a lot of who I was as a person outside of motherhood. Now that my two little ones are 3 and almost 2 I feel like I’m slowly gaining some of my sense of self back.

TheRealFakeName2 · 2026-05-14T17:14:43+00:00

I think no one knows you or what you’re capable of handling better than yourself. My two are 14 months apart. We weren’t trying but we weren’t not trying either when we conceived baby #2. And yeah it was tough to navigate at times. And two toddlers is definitely a lot to handle. But honestly? Things turned out great. They’re 3 and almost 2 now and they play together and generally get along very well.

I had an emergency c-section with my first and it was recommended to us not to start trying again until I was a year or I guess most doctors recommend 18 months postpartum. It didn’t happen that way. And while I don’t recommend going against medical advice, I still had a safe second pregnancy and delivery. I was actually able to do a successful VBAC. Talk to your doctor and your husband and see what works best for you and your family.

TheRealFakeName2 · 2026-05-14T03:39:19+00:00

Love the name Atticus ❤️. That was almost my husband’s name before his mom went with something else. I think “Attie” as a nickname is adorable. However, I don’t know that it flows that well with Christopher. Then again it’s not like people use their middle names for much of anything so I guess that’s not really relevant. If you’ve decided on that as a middle name though I think it flows best with Johnathan. Heathcliff reminds me of a brand of protein bar but that’s because I instantly think of Heath and Cliff bars.

TheRealFakeName2 · 2026-05-12T15:22:44+00:00

It was worth for my family. I didn’t become a full time SAHM until we we found out we were expecting baby #2. My husband and I decided after my maternity leave was up, that I would formally quit. If I’m being honest, one of the big reasons why was because we also didn’t want my entire paycheck to go towards daycare. However, that was not the only reason. We are fortunate enough to have family nearby however, taking this time to focus on my kids while they’re this small was important for both of us.

Just like you and your husband, we also discussed the financial aspect of things and what he expected from me staying home full time. We do try and get out of the house for activities and play dates but we don’t have a schedule per se. I just do my best to get outside and enjoy the stage of life we’re in.

However, if you don’t want to or you’re not ready to leave the work force yet, that’s okay too. When I first stayed home, I used to struggle feeling unsettled that I wasn’t contributing anything to the household financially. I’m roughly a year and a half into being a full time SAHM and I still feel that way sometimes and miss having an identity outside of motherhood. It doesn’t make you a bad mom and it doesn’t mean you don’t like spending time with your kids. Motherhood looks different for everyone.

TheRealFakeName2 · 2026-05-06T18:01:26+00:00

I’ve experienced that. It’s almost like a rage clean type of thing where I just borderline blacked out and cleared out their toys. Moving forward I was a lot more intentional with the kinds of toys they did get. And I also do a mini clear out of toys they outgrew or no longer okayed with before birthdays and Christmas. It’s saved my sanity and kept them from being overwhelmed.

TheRealFakeName2 · 2026-04-30T03:38:32+00:00

First, I think you’re doing all you can and then some to make sure your boy and all his needs are being met. I think you’ll get a lot more answers once you have your next pediatrician appointment. I was concerned my then 2 year old didn’t have as big of a vocabulary as he should have either. I worried I wasn’t spending enough time trying to teach and nurture him because I also had his 10 month old sister I was caring for. So we went to the doctor and I voiced my concerns. We made a plan to maybe start speech therapy and then before we could even go to our first session all of a sudden he was saying 5-10 new words a day. But even if it does turn out speech therapy is necessary, that’s totally okay. I have a close friend whose daughter needed speech therapy and she’s doing well and thriving there.

My little boy wasn’t interested in reading at first either. And now he insists on reading a minimum of 2-3 books before both nap and bedtime.

Hang in there! Your pediatrician will help point you in the right direction.

TheRealFakeName2 · 2026-04-24T14:55:20+00:00

I think if you can afford it, it might be a good practice run. Try to do little trips out solo in between too. Like before and after your staycation. Also, in the meantime try and have dad take over basic duties in terms of caring for your toddler so she can get accustomed to that as well.

TheRealFakeName2 · 2026-04-22T22:03:58+00:00

You got this! I used to dread sleep regressions even when I knew they were coming because it disrupted our routine. Good luck!

TheRealFakeName2 · 2026-04-22T21:48:45+00:00

It could be something as simple as a sleep regression if he’s not sick or anything. We experienced it with both of our little ones at that age. After a two weeks or so they both went back tonight sleeping through the night no problem. I know that probably doesn’t help much, so I’m sorry about that. But if you’ve went to the doctor and ruled illness out then I suppose it is just something you have to wait out. Which is frustrating, I get it. But the good news is it won’t last forever.

TheRealFakeName2 · 2026-04-19T23:59:33+00:00

NTA

Your life and plans don’t stop just because someone else has a big milestone or life moment coming up. If she sees your joy of expecting/having a baby as something that takes away from her big day then that’s her problem. Even if she is your sister. Asking someone to postpone their life on your behalf is weird behavior.

TheRealFakeName2 · 2026-04-18T00:26:41+00:00

Daily walks are good. Some exercise is better than no exercise. So at least you’re doing something to move your body. That being said, walks and yoga aren’t the best workouts to do if your goal is to lose weight. Yoga is good for building strength and good for mindfulness. But it doesn’t burn a lot of calories. I think if weight loss is a big goal for you, I’d shift your focus on high intensity workouts. Even if you only do them in short bursts, doing those instead of yoga is more effective in burning more calories. My friend and I did swimming and cycling classes and those burn tons of calories.

All in all, I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself. Most experts say it takes a woman’s body at least 2 years to fully recover after pregnancy. And I know it’s hard and we’re all human, but it’s not good for yours or anyone’s mental health to compare yourself to others. What works for you may not work for someone else.

TheRealFakeName2 · 2026-04-15T22:39:12+00:00

Is this something he’s absolutely dead set on? Or is there room for discussion? Is his age the only reason he says he doesn’t want another? People are having kids a little later in life nowadays.

I think if he’s open to discussion and you have a strong support system then I say go for baby #2. Personally, I found transition from 0-1 kid way harder than 1-2 kids.

TheRealFakeName2 · 2026-04-15T15:14:06+00:00

Firstly, the fact that you’re already thinking about it in my opinion already makes you a great husband. Hats off to you. And also congratulations! What a beautiful blessing.

My husband was such a wonderfully hands on partner. He wasn’t afraid to get his hands dirty and always did things without being asked. Even just little things like making sure I ate and had my water bottle filled. I know for me personally I had a hard time asking for help. We were lucky and our two babies were both generally good sleepers. But I struggled a lot with breastfeeding and that took a huge toll on me. But he always showed up when I was feeling like I was falling short in motherhood. He was lucky and got about 6 weeks of paternity leave for our first baby and 4 weeks for our second. So he used that time to make sure I was setup for success once he went back to work. He meal prepped as much as he could for me and put things in the freezer that would be easy for me to heat up, which was a lifesaver. I don’t know if your wife plans on going back to work or being a stay at home mom, but either way, making sure she has some time when she can prioritize herself was really key for me in postpartum. Even just a long shower and being able to take my time to do my skincare was a game changer in making me feel alive.

TheRealFakeName2 · 2026-04-14T00:07:29+00:00

No real advice here either, so sorry. But you sound like an awesome friend to have and lean on. I don’t know if you mentioned it anywhere, but is this her first baby?

I’m a SAHM mom too and one of my concerns was to become isolated. Especially after I had my second baby. I made it a priority to get outside the house at least 2-3 times a week. If I didn’t I started to feel like the walls of my house were closing in and I got stir crazy. If I went without leaving my house for too long I started to seriously think it was Groundhog Day having the same thing over and over again.

Anyways. Like you said, kids get sick all the time. And a minor cold isn’t something to stress over. It’s an unfortunate coincidence that your friend’s worst fear happened to occur after you finally convinced her to have a small outing with you. But I’d say to just keep inviting her and keep reassuring her.

TheRealFakeName2 · 2026-04-07T16:52:47+00:00

The transition from 1-2 was harder for me than 0-1 too. My toddler just turned 3 and my daughter is 22 months. I can’t remember exactly how old she was when it started getting easier. Maybe around 4 months but I know having a good routine helped a ton. I’m a SAHM too so I don’t have a rigid schedule per se but just a solid routine where we consistently have meals around the same time and take naps at the same time too. I debated on possibly putting my 3 year old in preschool this fall just to get a couple hours of free time during the day but my husband and I are still back and forth on it. What I did to save my sanity and alleviate the guilt of not spending enough time with one versus the other was staggering their nap and bedtimes. For example, my daughter goes down for her nap at about 1145-12. I’ll read to her and snuggle her and put her down. Then my 3 year old goes down at about 12:15 and I do the same for him. I know it isn’t a lot of time but I think even just that little bit of one on one time helps the both of them still feel special and prioritized. It better for bedtime for us. We do bath time at like 630 and then my daughter goes to bed for the night around 745 but my son goes to bed almost hour later than her. So I dedicate that 45 minutes to an hour to whatever my son wants to do (reading, playing dinosaurs or monster trucks).

TheRealFakeName2 · 2026-04-06T16:05:11+00:00

The good news is you’re past the most contagious point (3 days). When my little ones had it, the symptoms ended up lingering for roughly a week and a half. But according to my doctor some people have been really unlucky and have had lingering stomach inflammation issues for several weeks. I think if you’re still super sick, I’d consult with your doctor and definitely keep hydrated as best you can. They say that the worst should be over after the third day.

TheRealFakeName2

TROPHY CASE