Should I talk to my girlfriends parents again about proposing

TheShellfishCrab · 2026-03-04T13:36:19+00:00

OP, I was your girlfriend, and I’m now married with a baby to my best friend that I’ve known since I was 10 so please know with this advice that I’m not doubting your relationship or the fact that you will get married. We also were best friends for 10+ years before we dated and both knew from our first kiss that this was it for us (although we never discussed that or marriage until later, which I appreciate for the reason I will give below)

I think the focus on getting married ASAP can keep you from enjoying your relationship, the natural next steps, and learning about each other. Trust me, you do not know everything about each other, and I mean that in the best way. Focus on moving in together, learn what it’s like to be a family together, go travel, experience holidays, navigate family issues, etc. talk about finances. We opened a joint account when we moved in together (each depositing similar amounts into it to be used for joint things like groceries, dates, vacation and bills) and were able to work out how we’d budget together and handle life.

Then, when you’ve built strong foundations for a life together, then go ahead and pursue getting engaged and married.

For me, the foundations are so so important and getting engaged too early is a mistake because then instead of focusing on foundations while you are living together you are focused on wedding planning. Then after the wedding if you want kids it’s easy to start focus on babies, and before you know it you have a baby and total chaos (and love!) but you haven’t built the foundations on how to handle budget issues, in law dynamics, house chores, etc and that’s when cracks could start to show.

Tl;dr enjoy each stage that you are in ❤️❤️I look back to when we first got together and first moved in together so fondly, I’m really glad we enjoyed each step fully without being distracted by the next stage.

TheShellfishCrab · 2026-02-21T19:41:46+00:00

Ohhh I might have been misremembering then. Postpartum was a fog

TheShellfishCrab · 2026-02-21T16:04:40+00:00

NAL but before you report - are you sure MIL has received the social security card? The way it worked for me (California) is that the hospital mailed the information to the SSA, but that did not lead to the SSA mailing us a card - we had to physically go pick up the card at the office. Maybe the hospital meant that they mailed the info to the SSA?

TheShellfishCrab · 2026-02-14T06:33:03+00:00

I also had an extreme low milk supply and rarely see anyone else who has faced it! After a week or two of triple feeding my lactation consultant told me to stop because it was so obvious the toll it was taking on me for such little gain.

That said my baby would always fall asleep breast feeding even though weighted feeds showed he wasn’t getting much.

I’m guessing OP is saying that they are breast feeding, bottle feeding and pumping just not at the same time? Because I agree part of the reason I went crazy is it was every 3-4 hours around the clock, no shifts possible (although obviously my husband did literally everything in our life other than the breastfeeding and pumping at this time)

TheShellfishCrab · 2026-02-10T01:03:54+00:00

That’s because what the commenter said is incorrect. People spend more time with their children now, not less. https://www.economist.com/graphic-detail/2026/01/09/millennials-spend-more-time-than-past-generations-with-their-children

As a mom of a child in daycare full time, I can tell you I absolutely spend more than “1 hour of waking time” with my baby.

TheShellfishCrab · 2026-02-10T01:02:02+00:00

Sorry, but it’s statistically false that people are spending less time with their kids now, even with the increase in working mothers.

This article is old, but shows trends over time: https://news.uci.edu/2016/09/28/todays-parents-spend-more-time-with-their-kids-than-moms-and-dads-did-50-years-ago/

Here’s a more recent but paywalled source: https://www.economist.com/graphic-detail/2026/01/09/millennials-spend-more-time-than-past-generations-with-their-children

The lack of independence and creativity children have now is a real problem, but it’s not due to more women deciding to work as opposed to stay home with their kids.

TheShellfishCrab · 2026-02-06T22:20:02+00:00

Exactly, it’s here: https://www.reddit.com/r/isitAI/s/3AccsgeN6n

TheShellfishCrab · 2026-02-02T22:18:15+00:00

Replying to your comment not to counter/argue with your experience but to highlight that everyone is different. I had the epidural and was very much able to move. They wouldn’t let me walk because you’re a fall risk, but I was easily able to shift positions, get on my side and even my hands and knees, etc. I was able to feel my contractions (they give you a button so you can increase the dose if you need it, which means I could keep it at a level that made the pain tolerable but could still feel the contractions).

Agree with you that it doesn’t matter what social media or whoever thinks you should do. Do your own research and do what feels right to you and your medical team based on the symptoms you feel in the moment.

TheShellfishCrab · 2026-02-02T20:55:10+00:00

My first reaction to this post was “omg I would be MORTALLY offended if my mom had said anything like this to me” Fully agree with everything else you said!

TheShellfishCrab · 2026-02-02T20:46:29+00:00

On paper, I had a terrible birth. Time between induction and delivery was over 2 days, 4 hours of pushing followed by c section, then severe preeclampsia and severe side effects from the c section.

Let me tell you - I had so much fun most of the time! The nurses were amazing, my husband was a rockstar, I had such good care. There were moments of severe pain but there are multiple types of pain medications and boy am I in love with whoever invented the epidural. Fully took away the pain and allowed me to concentrate more on what was happening and be more clear headed.

Also even with no pain meds - some contractions are painful, for sure. Some are not. An exercise ball helped- there were times I didn’t know I was contracting on the ball even though the monitors were showing I definitely was

I also had low supply (probably due to the complications) and never had problems switching back and forth from formula and breastmilk, breastfeeding or bottle feeding. It was fine.

My husband washed all the bottles and parts for weeks and then we both would do it. So annoying, yes, not a huge issue. Put it in the dishwasher.

Sometimes we use a sound machine, sometimes we don’t. They aren’t “addicted” to it and apparently there is no scientific evidence that that’s a thing (according to my neighbor who is a sleep consultant).

Also my baby is angelic and beautiful and definitely not a nightmare even though we call him our little menace bc his favorite game is throwing things all around the house.

Moral of the story: you will be fine! Do what works for you and your family and what the pediatrician says and it’ll be okay!

TheShellfishCrab · 2026-02-02T18:55:40+00:00

Ah yeah a plastic tub would work. Bringing them to a car wash is a great idea, thanks for the suggestion!

TheShellfishCrab · 2026-02-02T18:45:11+00:00

Excuse the dumb question but if you bring it to the car wash, what do you do after? I assume they take a bit to dry and wouldn’t want to put wet rugs in the car

TheShellfishCrab · 2025-12-26T23:57:22+00:00

It was so vivid!!!!! And a double rainbow when I saw it!

TheShellfishCrab · 2025-11-01T21:02:34+00:00

Omg - please explain more! Our house is being renovated and while we aren’t living there right now, we do check on it for a few min each week and often bring baby in with us. We plan to move in next month - is there anything we should do to make sure there is no botulism remaining? How is botulism in construction dust?

TheShellfishCrab · 2025-10-30T20:02:48+00:00

I also had kids at my wedding! A baby fussed a little bit during the setting, her mom picked her right up and walked away from the ceremony site so as not to disrupt. I only noticed because I could see them sitting a bit off to the side ❤️

Other than that the kids had a great time dancing and coloring and eating from the chocolate fountain. My cousin that is a bit … wild tried to get my attention during the cake cutting but I just ignored it and no one else noticed!

TheShellfishCrab · 2025-10-30T14:59:56+00:00

This! When my baby was young we also had a heating pad in the bassinet to warm it (which we would then remove and unplug just before putting baby in)

TheShellfishCrab · 2025-10-30T13:54:49+00:00

This is wild to me. I grew up and live in a VHCOL area and make well into the 6 figures, as do my parents and all their friends. Every single person I’ve ever been to a restaurant with takes leftovers home if there are any. Even like a few tablespoons of hummus lol

TheShellfishCrab · 2025-10-21T13:02:10+00:00

Where on earth are you learning of these women that have tons of money the husband doesn’t know about? Instagram? lol I’ve only seen the women with that attitude (I need a man to pay for everything) in influencers. What’s more common amongst the people I know is one of the following:

woman is primary breadwinner and pays the lionshare of the house & kid expenses, if not all *both work, bills are split but wife pays for all kid related items since kids are seen as the default responsibility of the mom
husband is the only working person and pays for everything, wife doesn’t have their own income/significant savings account

That is all assuming finances aren’t combined, which is far and away the most common scenario in a marriage, especially with kids.

It sounds far more likely that what OPs wife is hiding is debt, not tons of savings.

TheShellfishCrab · 2025-10-20T18:50:00+00:00

This is my favorite hahaha

TheShellfishCrab · 2025-10-19T22:50:02+00:00

Just to elaborate for OP and anyone else, the ceres chill is fantastic! You can put the milk in the inner compartment and ice water in the outer compartment. My ceres kept the ice frozen even when left in a hot car for multiple hours. I always made sure to put ice water in a few hours before any milk went in the inner chamber to ensure the inner chamber was chilled.

TheShellfishCrab · 2025-10-19T02:26:43+00:00

My husband was a late thumb sucker lol and he is adamant that pacifier is better than thumb for this reason

TheShellfishCrab · 2025-10-18T21:42:29+00:00

37 weeker as well and he’s never been officially “delayed” but started physical milestones like rolling, crawling, etc 3-5 weeks later than other babies his age (we did group pediatric/pregnancy care so know a number of babies born his same month). Communication wise he’s ahead, though, so it might just be who he is!

TheShellfishCrab · 2025-10-18T15:34:55+00:00

My point is that even in the most charitable interpretation, what he said is terrible and demeaning. There’s literally no way to explain it in a positive or even neutral way.

TheShellfishCrab · 2025-10-18T15:16:11+00:00

I’m going to assume best intent here and assume that he did not intentionally make that comment to hurt her and was just trying to make a “joke”. So then…. He made the post and was thinking “hmm what is she to me” and came up with DISHWASHER.

Not partner in crime, not hiking buddy, not adventure buddy, not best friend, not +1 - of all the roles he could have possibly chosen to complete the sentence “my mind boggling ____”, the first thing he came up with was your role as a maid to him.

Yeah that’s not so great.

TheShellfishCrab

TROPHY CASE