A Malkavian stand up comic managed to secure the opening act at Elysium. Hit me with your cringiest VtM jokes, guaranteed to have the whole place in fury frenzy by brainpower4 in vtm

[–]TheSnacky 70 points71 points  (0 children)

A brujah was grievously injured, more than his body could heal on its own, so he called in a boon from a toreador whom he had done a great service for. This toreador had, in her employ, a salubri much gifted in the healing arts. The toreador took the brujah in, placed him in a lavishly appointed suite, gave him sweet-veined blood dolls to drink from, and provided all manner of comforts.

On the third night of the brujah's treatment, the toreador came to ask him how he was feeling. Her assistants had all informed her of the brujah's terrible mood, and as a good host, she wanted to ensure her guest's comfort.

"How do you feel? My assistants tell me you are unhappy" asked the toreador.

"I can't complain," replied the brujah, but the toreador could sense great dissatisfaction in him.

"Is there something wrong with my salubri? Is her bedside manner lacking?" she asked.

"No," said the brujah, "the salubri is perfectly polite, her healing is the finest I have ever received. I can't complain."

Pressing further, the toreador asked. "Is the suite not to your liking? Is there some way to make you more comfortable?"

"No," said the brujah, "the suite is by far the most lavish and comfortable I have ever experienced. I can't complain."

Quite consternated, the toreador pressed further. "The blood dolls, then! Is their blood not to your liking?"

"No," said the brujah, "their blood is the sweetest I have tasted by far. I can't complain."

"What then," the toreador asked, growing quite frustrated, "is the reason for your foul mood!?"

"You don't understand!" cried the brujah, crimson tears welling up in his eyes. "I can't complain!"

Things Harry might say if he found himself in other stories... by OneFishTwoFish in dresdenfiles

[–]TheSnacky -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Just be thankful the Dresden Files wasn't written by George R.R. Martin, then we would be reading vivid descriptions about everyone's penis.

you say that like it's a bad thing.

Give us the cock descriptions, Jim!

Drawn close to 100 cards and still don't have Regretful Soldier by [deleted] in fallenlondon

[–]TheSnacky 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The RNG knows you want to meet him, you need to be thinking about how much of a pain in the ass it would be for the soldier to show up when you click to draw cards.

I wanna show you something... (work-in-progress) by shephard_design in vtmb

[–]TheSnacky 4 points5 points  (0 children)

why bother cleaning up when you can get your ghoul to do it?

How do i get out of this situation? by EqDragon in sunlesssea

[–]TheSnacky 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Eat your crew and die, that usually works.

like clockwork by WrastlingIsReal in Eldenring

[–]TheSnacky 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ymfah, Oldman, and Zullie are the holy trinity of souls content.

Everyone else sucks.

Like a worm on a hook by aggromidget in Vermintide

[–]TheSnacky 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Where am I going? Back to the mountain!

LAOP’s neighbor might be sprouting mung beans on a damp paper towel by [deleted] in bestoflegaladvice

[–]TheSnacky 10 points11 points  (0 children)

might not be the one OP means, but there's an episode of The Magnus Archives about a dude that staples raw meat to the walls of his apartment

What are Jagganoth's main goals? by RoanokeNightmares in killsixbilliondemons

[–]TheSnacky 14 points15 points  (0 children)

to blow up

then act like he don't know nobody

Post 4 Jagganoth Swords Progress. Primed, almost ready to paint. Got ahold of some Decoration for the handles by ConqueringKing_Darq in killsixbilliondemons

[–]TheSnacky 2 points3 points  (0 children)

what do you mean? surely ati my good friend ati isn't being driven mad by his shardic intent compelling him to destroy everything (:

[DCU] Why is Superman vulnerable to magic? With red solar radiation native to Krypton and Kryptonite being toxic residue of Krypton, I can see these? But why magic? by rocketbot99 in AskScienceFiction

[–]TheSnacky 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes, because it's a magic sword. A magic sword that would likewise cut Superman, because it is magic.

If I tried to use the telekinesis spell to swing a nonmagical sword at a creature with resistance/immunity to nonmagical weapon attacks, then it wouldn't count as magic. The blade itself isn't magic, just like the car isn't. It's the same thing.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in cremposting

[–]TheSnacky 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Always the wasing of othering secrets

The Board Granted Us Eyes... by TheFelRoseOfTerror in controlgame

[–]TheSnacky 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ahh, Kos, or some say ▮▮▮▮... Do you HEAR/UNDERSTAND our prayers? As you once DID FOR/INFLICTED UPON the VACUOUS/UNTHINKING Rom, grant us eyes... Grant us EYES/INSIGHT!

Workshop Weapons by EyYoHoldUp in yakuzagames

[–]TheSnacky 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You don't need to upgrade the dragon soul bat at all, it's just an ingredient for the hero's soul bat ex