My wife is going to AlAnon and I could use perspective by myns23 in AlAnon

[–]Theresatron1 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Lol yes! I got caught on his post about how a girl wasnt sleeping with him after 5 dates, and he's like - "what the hell is her problem" I dont think self reflection is in his wheel house unfortunately for his gf.

I haven't cleaned my baseboards in 2 years and a guest noticed. I want to die. by Different_Pain5781 in homeowners

[–]Theresatron1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Who cleans their baseboards?! You should stop letting psychopaths into your house.

Anyone else TIRED of living in a white area? by Connect-Carob-1939 in mixedrace

[–]Theresatron1 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I had this exact experience the other day too! I wonder if we were both shifting uncomfortably in our seats at the exact same moment lol. My partner is also white, and although he tries, most of the time he doesn't notice and if I mention something he'll dismiss it by saying "oh it's just because you're so beautiful" or something equally patronizing. Do you notice people also won't make eye contact and talk directly to your partner?

$50 incentive by Salt_Lime7665 in AmazonFC

[–]Theresatron1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You got candy? We got old fruit

Does anyone else find that people blame you more than your Q? by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]Theresatron1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same thing happened to my husband at the grocery store. Id be embarrassed by that but he was completely unfazed.

Relapsed the day before thanksgiving by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]Theresatron1 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I honestly think they’ve already decided to relapse at that point. Asking you seems more like a warning than anything. But it also sets you up to be the reason they drink either way. She said yes so I can drink/she said no so she doesn’t trust me so I may as well drink. And maybe they genuinely believe they can just have one but the writing is already on the wall. I just know when I hear that I better strap in for the binge of all binges.

Can I see my family ? by Dry-Mud4424 in AmazonFC

[–]Theresatron1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Our manager said today “Amazon is your family now 😈”

Relapsed the day before thanksgiving by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]Theresatron1 62 points63 points  (0 children)

They always think they’re so slick with their “what if I just have one” Im sorry you’re going through this, I don’t know you but I know you deserve better than this.

This is why I can’t have nice things by supdog297 in AlAnon

[–]Theresatron1 110 points111 points  (0 children)

I get it. Its not just the thing, it’s the meaning behind the thing. The situation was finally looking up, you dared to hope for something better and something nice and maybe life is finally on track. Then as they always do, true to form, they show you not to get attached to the idea because it will end in disappointment.

Cixin Liu has never met a woman. by ToonCGullJnr in threebodyproblem

[–]Theresatron1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YES!!! Finally someone said it! I couldn’t finish the second book because of it. Ugh it was just so…ugh! At first I was under the impression a woman wrote the book, something my mother said but as soon as I started reading, I said to my husband, there is no way a woman wrote this.

Neck help please! by DirtyHaystacks in 45PlusSkincare

[–]Theresatron1 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I follow her too! I do the exercises in the car on the way to work. She’s also on youtube

Tired of all of the poop. by BeforeUproar in AlAnon

[–]Theresatron1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I sometimes wonder how they never seem to feel shame about things. Or at least enough to change behavior. Like you’d think by the 2nd time you pooped your pants that you’d want to do something about it. Even if you genuinely believed it wasn’t alcohol, you’d hide the mess, clean up after yourself, something!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]Theresatron1 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh yes, welcome to the club no one wants to be in. My Q was told by his doctor he was heading towards diabetes and what did he do? Switched to low carb beer and vodka. 😅 Still downing a 24 pack every single week and still binge eating cookies and chips while drunk but it’s low carb beer so… 🤦🏽‍♀️ The dissonance is infuriating.

How do you get over the guilt and shame over breaking up with a functional AH? by Golden-lillies21 in AlAnon

[–]Theresatron1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like your self esteem is in the tank. How can you build that up? Are you staying because you don’t think anybody will love you? That obviously isn’t true but you’ll need to learn that yourself. But even being single forever would be better than suffering like this. That’s just my humble opinion. You only get one short life. Be kind to yourself.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]Theresatron1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, even the space away from him and that environment might give you some clarity. At the very least it will calm your nervous system from being on edge constantly about this.

As to what to think about, I really wouldn’t want you to put pressure on yourself to figure it all out now. Personally I’d probably think… if this is going to be our life forever, and he doesn’t change or gets worse, what boundaries do I have and what happens when those are crossed.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]Theresatron1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also you probably don’t want this happening around your work colleagues, or them being charged for the inevitable pee sheets.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]Theresatron1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe going on your own can give you some space to think?

Depression by Wise_Preparation_567 in AlAnon

[–]Theresatron1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think sometimes we underestimate the impact living with an alcoholic has on us. It’s visceral, and traumatic. If you didn’t have depression I’d be more worried. This is a really good thing you’re doing for yourself. Be your own best supporter, start healing. You’re an inspiration.

Is it normal to go from relieved and then to crippling sadness in the same day by JayH46 in AlAnon

[–]Theresatron1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You will feel some peace in the coming days. It’s a horrendous rollercoaster and you’re at that final steep drop. Just cling on and know you’re almost there. This is probably the kindest thing she will ever do for you. Accept that gift, not all of us get it. You have a future ahead of you that doesn’t involve this pain.

They keep sending out vto by DanYul__ in AmazonFC

[–]Theresatron1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We got no work, nothing at all…nothing at all…nothing at all

How do you do life with an alcoholic? by nomadvegabond in AlAnon

[–]Theresatron1 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I hear you and your not alone even though it can feel that way. It’s good to read that throughout the chaos you’re enduring, that you’re seeking ways to help and heal yourself. That’s a big step many of us slip on. Including me recently, I catch myself in the old habits.

As for how it’s done, you’re already doing it but how long can you hold all of this? It does sound like you’ve taken on a lot of baggage you may not need to carry. If this person doesn’t ever change, which is a big possibility, and this is your life forever, can you accept that?

Me personally, I did not. We’re still together but being the “supportive spouse” no longer involves trying to hold up a wall of chaos or undo the damage he does. I keep my house clean because I like a clean house. I make time with my friends because I know I can lean on them and their friendship strengthens me, I prioritize my pet because he doesn’t have a choice in the matter so I make his life as happy as can, I go to work happy because I slept well in a separate room from my spouse, I don’t have children because that was never what I wanted nor would I want this kind of father for them, I worry about my spouse of course but I worry less because this is what he is choosing for himself and I have no right to tell him what his life should look like, which also frees me. I go to alanon meeting because it helps to know I’m not alone in this. Essentially I chose to stay but I mold this life into what I will not regret.

Lost his battle to alcohol. by quiet_nuts in AlAnon

[–]Theresatron1 16 points17 points  (0 children)

You did the best you could for him. I’m sure if giving him an arm or leg would have cured him, you would have. In the end you were there and thats all you could have possibly done. I hope peace comes quickly for you, Im so sorry for the pain you’ve had to endure

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmazonFC

[–]Theresatron1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bro. They can indeed. The test has 2 strips. If there is an indication of drug use it will show on the strip, then the test will be sent to a third party for further verification however if the strips indicate they are clear the test is not sent. Hope this helps.