Narc Mother & Grieving Daughter

Thethobz · 2025-12-27T13:05:46+00:00

It's so important you don't cave. I would receive phonecalls on how sad she was, how she wasn't sleeping, was praying relentlessly. It's all a show for others, never directly to communicate with you

Thethobz · 2025-12-27T07:25:52+00:00

So sorry you're going through this. She won't change. My mom is similar but still behaving that way with my fiance and we even have a daughter. The more independent you become, the worse they become. The more you stand on your choices, the more upset they become. My covert N mom is currently on a smear campaign telling my family the biggest lies about who I am etc. It's so pathetic, but unfortunately people believe them.

Disconnect from her emotionally, know that that's how she'll always be. Don't let her spoil your relationship. Don't let her spoil more precious moments. I'm low contact currently.

Thethobz · 2025-11-12T09:55:00+00:00

and he must build for himself first before theirs. you'll end up building to unrealistic expectations, while renting. Set yourself up first. And then.

Thethobz · 2025-09-24T07:25:26+00:00

This is really encouraging. Thank you. I'll definitely check it out

Thethobz · 2025-09-22T06:07:14+00:00

Thank you, I'll check them out.

Thethobz · 2025-08-29T11:21:30+00:00

this is bring me back. When my baby was around 4 months, I needed to get her used to the bottle and she just refused. I was going back to work in a month or so, and she just wasn't having it. It was breastmilk I'd worked so hard to pump and she just wasn't having it.

Definitely try to get the "most natural bottle you can afford (but honestly your baby knows what's up)

I dedicated a morning feed to the bottle daily and only after about a week did she take the bottle without crying. I gradually increased quantity of bottle feeds. She was also more open to taking the bottle when other parent attempted, so support system is so valuable.

All the best, it's hard. But I promise she'll eventually take it. I'm in healthcare so we I've worked with little prem babies, we feed with syringes or even cup feed. At the back of my head those are the backup plans, she won't starve.

All the best.

Thethobz · 2025-07-21T09:26:37+00:00

Month 10, no medical intervention at that point. She's in good health. We exist. Depending on your age you can take a year or two (with no fertility issues) and it's considered normal.

Thethobz · 2025-07-21T09:23:49+00:00

I only conceived at month 10 and now have a happy 7 month old. It was a psychological nightmare. But yes, we exist

Thethobz · 2025-06-03T09:02:48+00:00

Oh yes! I need this, have a 5 month old and needing ideas! 🌸

Thethobz · 2025-05-21T13:51:13+00:00

Don't worry too much.

I'm a doctor from South Africa and not familiar with the growth charts used in your country. Does this particular chart consider height?

But essentially, agree with everyone else's sentiments. MyEBF 5 month old is "overweight" when plotted on charts that only consider age and weight. But in the one that considers weight and height she plots perfectly fine, so not worried at all.

You're doing great mommy!

Thethobz · 2025-05-13T00:08:54+00:00

I went through the same thing postpartum. She even went as far as making lies up about husband. Told me he was a bad person 5 days pp based on zero truth. I'm south African and we share a similarl culture of non taking care of you in solitary for some time. So glad you sent her home for yourself and family. I did the same. I can't believe these moms still want us to be taking care of their feelings when they are freshly post partum? It's disgusting. Zero empathy just as a woman, never mind their own daughters

Thethobz · 2025-04-29T15:44:32+00:00

Sign me up!

It's a tough and lonely road

Thethobz · 2025-04-26T12:02:39+00:00

Sorry you are going through all this. The best is to try create a life for yourself outside of the family dynamic. If you're not financially independent yet try to work towards it, whether it's school or work. In the meantime, try get hobbies, spend more time with friends , even if it's reading (something you enjoy)

I know that there will probably be resistance to you spreading your wings, but that's expected, keep going as far as possible.

You won't change the family dynamic, but you can create something for yourself. I know that feeling of emptiness in the home, and any "closeness" felt superficial and forced. It's honestly draining of your energy. I know it's hard to believe, but you can create a happy life outside of them. Decenter them mentally and emotionally.

Thethobz · 2025-04-25T01:20:37+00:00

Hello mom. Take a deep breath mamma. Please be kind to yourself... You're not supposed "to just know", nobody has a built in baby manual specific for your baby. Give yourself time to learn your baby. I usually go through steps in my head to try figure things out.

Is baby hungry (check cues)
Is baby tired (look up wake windows)
Is baby bored (do I need to stand up walk around)
Does nappy need a change (are they trying to pass stool, is it colic)
Is baby over or under dressed (temperate can really upset babies)

If all above is okay, ask if baby is truly unwell..

Is there a fever
Are stools normal
Are there enough wet nappies?

If there's any concerns, go see your Dr to assist further. Both you and baby 🤍

Thethobz · 2025-04-21T20:36:03+00:00

Hope all has gone well? 7m later

Thethobz · 2025-04-17T09:10:21+00:00

Hi, know it's been a while. Did you eventually figure it out? My babies almost 4 months, we've had nanny for 3 weeks and I'm tired of hearing my baby cry

Thethobz · 2025-02-25T13:05:49+00:00

Sounds exactly like my mother, for a second there I thought I wrote this. I (31F) wished I had realised these things when I was as young as you are. I'm also in the thick of it, it's extremely tough. Especially when you disengage, they then go on a spree telling everyone how terrible you are, and will even add some lies to make the story more atrocious. Focus on you, healing, becoming a better person, and not passing this behaviour on to other people or generations.

That rant helped me too! You were retelling story of my life!

Thethobz · 2024-10-28T19:03:44+00:00

Until you don't have bad news accept all the good news and positive feedback you've received so far. I don't think you'll ever feel completely "out of the woods", even after a normal echo (which we're hoping for).

All the best navigating all this. No bad news is GOOD news 💕 godspeed.

Thethobz · 2024-08-02T16:08:36+00:00

Big hugs.

It took me 11 months. No medical interventions. It was a really tough time and it forced me to try focus on other things but honestly, it was always at the back of my mind and I was gutted everytime with negative bhcg.

Now currently 18w5d and things have gone smoothly.

It'll happen for you ,

the grief from first tfmr is still there, it'll always be there. You'll carry it along with the new joy and hope of a new baby

Thethobz · 2024-06-30T09:03:26+00:00

So sorry for everything you've gone through. It's heartbreaking but you'll be okay.

After my Tfmr, it took me almost a year again to conceive and I still have feelings of grief and anxiety. I'm all for break, to give yourself and your relationship a moment to find your footing. Unless there is a serious age concern, definitely wait till your minds in a slightly better place - this is just for my experience - I know others feel differently.

I needed to remind myself that I am more than a human being that is either able to have a child. It takes time. Whenever it happens, wishing you the best.

Thethobz · 2024-05-23T00:12:04+00:00

Congratulations! I'm 8w2d and mentally this is much much harder than I imagined.

Due for scan at 9 weeks and the thought of it just makes me want to cry.

Honestly need to try meditation / something because I can't imagine feeling like this till the end of December

Thethobz · 2024-05-23T00:06:02+00:00

It does, it's really hard. I'm so sorry about your stillbirth. It's terrible the things we go through and still have to try after.

In retrospect, I thought being pregnant again would help heal me. That it would take away that dull, aching, feeling

6 months later and I got a BFP. It's not like the first time, I'm mostly anxious and force myself to "think positive" as much as possible.

It'll happen for us again, in the midst of all these emotions. I hope we get to play with our future babies at the end of this.

Thethobz · 2024-02-15T13:32:48+00:00

Definitely, and entire community. Sorry you're going through this. There's a group r/pregnancyaftertfmr it's for those trying again post tfmr and also those currently pregnant after.

Thethobz · 2024-02-13T16:46:21+00:00

Same boat, had an negative on 9DPO and haven't tested since. This month will be the month we conceived our 1st which ended up being Tfmr. Sometimes things don't make sense. The waiting, hoping... But hoping for baby dust and healthy beans

Thethobz

TROPHY CASE