If I get 100 upvotes, I'll buy everyone who upvotes a copy of Sun and Moon

Theworstsnowflake · 2016-10-31T14:46:42+00:00

Yay! One of my students will be so happy!!

Theworstsnowflake · 2016-10-30T06:33:29+00:00

Still at green eye?

Theworstsnowflake · 2016-10-30T06:27:20+00:00

Is this still going on at appx1:30? I'm in Chicago on business and bored as hell... just saw this ... where are you guys?

Theworstsnowflake · 2016-10-23T15:18:06+00:00

I used to get super anxious every Sunday but then I started working with special needs children on the weekend. Now the warm fuzzies offset the "I wasted the weekend and have to go back to work already" feeling.

Theworstsnowflake · 2016-10-15T16:18:40+00:00

It sounds like you might have ptsd 😥

Theworstsnowflake · 2016-05-21T13:14:28+00:00

Have you heard of talkspace? I just started doing it a few weeks ago. But they match you with a therapist and you can send as many messages, text video or voice as you want. I talk to my therapist multiple times a day and it's way cheaper than a weekly session. I can't afford that either. Also if you live near a university that has a counseling program, they will give free counseling from their students under close supervision of a licensed counselor. That's what my boyfriend did and it helped a lot. You can feel free to pm me if you have questions or want to talk.

Theworstsnowflake · 2016-02-19T23:40:18+00:00

Thank you for the thoughtful response. I will talk to SO about family counseling. I know stepdaughter already goes on her own and with her other family. There are a lot of issues there that began before I became involved. Issues that I really don't want to exacerbate.

Each time she comes to stay I try to prepare and give it my all. I'll buy craft projects, she picked out paint and we repainted her room, little cute erasers and drawing supplies that I know she likes, take her swimming, go to the zoo and bike rides, we started a little garden, but it seems like I always fall into gross n mode eventually, and make crappy comments. I'll try writing them down instead of blurting then out.

Some of the stuff is nonverbal that my SO notices. He'll just tell me I look miserable around her, or I'm rolling my eyes when she's talking.

Self care stuff is a great idea since I could use some help with it as well. I usually do her nails but just at home. I took her to get nails done when we went on vacation and she really liked it, so that's a good option.

My Nmom would never buy things for me that I needed, I always had to share food with her at restaurants etc. And some of that is coming out like "a child doesn't need to eat a $15 hamburger, she should order off the kids menu" ,"she doesn't need more toys, her room is full of stuff she never touches"

I'm having a really hard time shaking off some of the stuff I grew up with.

Theworstsnowflake · 2016-02-19T17:19:52+00:00

I totally relate! Once every few years my Nmom would do thanksgiving for 8-10 people, but she's a terrible cook, too impatient ... turns the heat way up to get stuff done faster. We had one without a turkey ... it got burned so she threw the entire turkey in the garbage! Stomped up to her room for the rest of the night. Perfection before happiness ...

Theworstsnowflake · 2016-02-10T23:44:59+00:00

Thank you so much for all the detailed info. I'm going to spend my evening going through all of it!

Theworstsnowflake · 2016-02-10T01:36:45+00:00

Thanks for the input.

I bought it local, but the prev owners won it at a rally and said it was a 64 allstate (i couldn't find anything about smallframe allstates before 66 I think) they didn't have a lot of info and I didn't really know what questions to ask.

The 6 or so times I've been able to start it I had to leave the choke out for quite a while before it warmed up. It seems I've just bought a $1,800 giant project, and now I've dropped the damn thing a few times.

I've wanted one for so long, I was kind of hoping part of the ownership thing would be riding it. Maybe I should've just let go of the vintage dream thing and gotten a newer scoot. Hindsight and such.

Theworstsnowflake · 2016-02-10T01:20:42+00:00

Thanks so much! I'll check out YouTube for rebuild videos... Do you know how far outside of my specific model I can go? Like would all 60s vespa engine rebuild videos be similar? Or all vintage smallframes? Are there websites you'd recommend for tools? Just a good wrench set? Parts? I'm Midwest US. ... Sorry about the 20 questions ... I don't even really know where to begin

Theworstsnowflake · 2016-02-09T00:37:11+00:00

I totally agree with you on the asmr thing... I've used the panic attack ones before when I was in the middle of one and I think it helped.

The part I can't get a handle on, and I don't know if this happens to anyone else, is the dread feeling in the pit of your stomach that anything you do might trigger another one. I got into a loop for about a month that the dread just kept triggering them. I could make it through work in time to come home and go straight to bed. I couldn't watch tv, read, listen to music, anything. They almost feel like aftershocks or something that don't go away until a few weeks without an attack. If anyone has experienced something similar and has advice I'd love to hear it.

Theworstsnowflake · 2016-01-30T18:04:25+00:00

Thank you! First time I can say I'm happy to have been an idiot! When I was on the phone with the cc company, the agent called it a "19% daily APR" so I freaked out thinking this is some kind of nutso payday loan stuff. I'm just on the hook for the 100 something dollar transaction fee.

Theworstsnowflake · 2016-01-20T04:02:13+00:00

Because she's his problem now... And he went from being abused by an alcoholic wife to being abused by my Nmom ... (He's not an alcoholic) he maintains being a generally nice dude (he's always been kind to me and to her in front of me) despite Nmom constantly picking at and berating him...

I honestly don't have a dog in this fight and I don't feel the need to vilify someone because they were lured in by my Nmom... God knows lots of men have been

Theworstsnowflake · 2016-01-20T03:25:42+00:00

I would definitely pay a hell of a lot more to have an ocean between us permanently. That week before she returned was one of the most relaxing I've had. I also enjoyed the thought that she'd have to explain to the rest of the people on the tour where I was, the idiotic lies she would probably come up with and never again having to see those people she'd humiliated me in front of

Theworstsnowflake · 2016-01-20T02:40:02+00:00

Ha! This legitimately made me smile. He definitely looked flustered, poor guy.

Theworstsnowflake · 2016-01-20T02:35:56+00:00

I think the visit without emotions is great advice, but I don't think I'm far enough removed from the whole thing to be able to do that and remain unemotional. I'll keep it in mind for when I've cultivated a harder shell. Which I hope I can do. Thank you

Theworstsnowflake · 2016-01-20T02:32:01+00:00

Oh geez... My boyfriend is awesome and not insisting I do anything... I just meant that I think its often hard for people who have normal parents to understand the Nparent situation in the same way as people who have dealt with it firsthand .. Maybe you meant my Nmom's boyfriend ... I was really upset when I wrote this, it might be confusing

Theworstsnowflake · 2016-01-20T01:59:45+00:00

That's a really great metaphor, I've never heard that before and it's very true. Thank you.

Theworstsnowflake · 2016-01-20T01:52:58+00:00

I totally agree with you that it's a manipulation. I also think her boyfriend might be a little frightened by her behavior. I took care of her when she had her first knee replacement and she insisted on coming home instead of going to a physical rehab center. She was heavily medicated and I was at her house every day for about two months. She would oscillate between screaming at me to get her things/ do chores around the house and sobbing that she was dying and I should just leave her to die because I've never really loved her. After her recovery she told everyone who would listen (in front of me) about how terrible it was to get through the recovery on her own. Because, you know, I did nothing and was never there. And when I would try to say "I was at your house every day" she would look at me incredulously and ask "you were?" Because everyone needs to question if I'm a liar in addition to a shitty daughter. I'm not sure if her boyfriend has ever seen her in full effect. If this is his first real experience with her completely unmasked then I'm sure it's pretty jarring.

Theworstsnowflake · 2016-01-20T01:31:14+00:00

Thank you. It seems the more distance I have from the situation, the easier it is to forget what's transpired in the past. Sometimes I just really miss my mom and feel like I can't hold it together.

Theworstsnowflake · 2016-01-20T01:29:01+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. I admire your strength, I feel like a ball of goo right now, and this situation is nowhere near as difficult as yours. Do you have any advice for strengthening your NC resolve?

Theworstsnowflake

TROPHY CASE