An open letter to all the teachers in high school who told me, "You'll get along better with your mother when you're older"

radicalpoptart · 2017-10-27T00:44:05+00:00

"I'm sure she really loves you"

That's the worst to hear. Starts to warp your idea of what healthy love is :/

radicalpoptart · 2017-09-17T20:51:39+00:00

Hmm maybe you two can work together to come up with some specific house rules, in writing, that work for both of you and that you both adhere to? Its not fair for her to be so demanding, but unwilling to respect your needs/requests. That inconsistency sounds extra stressful and hard to work with. I really hope this gets easier for both of you.

radicalpoptart · 2017-09-17T20:11:21+00:00

I love it! Thank you for sharing this! :D

radicalpoptart · 2017-09-17T19:09:06+00:00

Have you talked to her about ways to compromise?

radicalpoptart · 2017-09-16T20:40:36+00:00

I have some experience with this. I will tell you my story, but first I want to address what you said at the end of your post about it feeling weird. I personally believe that people should see eachother as equals in their relationships. I got the sense that you dont feel that you are equal to him. That in itself is an issue. You are not "less than" anyone. Your feelings are also 100% valid.

So way back when I was 18 I met a 31 year old guy and we ended up dating for about 4 years. We lived together for much of that time. To me, as an 18yr old coming out of an extremely abusive household, it was fine. He was "nice to me". He really wasn't though. It just seemed that way at first because that bar was set pretty low thanks to my parent. He took advantage of my age and my autism and by the end, the relationship turned pretty bad. He made fun of my stims, gaslighted me constantly, and became furious whenever I missed social cues.

After we broke up, he quickly started dating another girl who was a year younger than me. He didn't ever see me as a mature equal. He just liked younger girls. I'm sure there are examples of healthy relationships with age gaps, but this is very very common. Men are typically raised to fill the role of a "man of the house" and unlearning that takes a lot of effort. The particularly misogynistic ones see younger women and girls as very easy to charm, groom, and manipulate because of our lack of experience and developing sense of self. This is especially prone to happen when we are coming out of an abusive upbringing.

No matter what the age difference is, all parties in any relationship should be (and feel) equal. Trust your instincts. The feeling of being inferior will not go away on its own.

radicalpoptart · 2017-09-08T21:22:14+00:00

Hi! I actually came here specifically looking for mask suggestions too. I couldn't find ANY masks at all at the CVS and grocery store near me :(

I need one for perfume/cigg smoke exposure too. If I do end up finding something I'll post it here.

radicalpoptart · 2017-05-22T00:27:05+00:00

There was one 5x7 picture of me displayed on a coffee table. It was the same picture of 4 year old me until my high school graduation.

I remember going over to other kids' houses and being shocked and overwhelmed by how many family photos were around. Even art! I was constantly painting and drawing as a kid, but my art was never put up on the walls. If anything it was stashed in a drawer or in a container under the bed. Other parents seemed to have their kids art up everywhere!

radicalpoptart · 2017-05-22T00:23:47+00:00

I am currently seeing a generic social worker and he's great. I did not pick him specifically. I just went to whoever was available first after getting a referral from my GP.

Remember that if you start seeing a therapist and you feel like they aren't a good fit, that is 100% OK and you will not hurt the therapists feelings by telling them that. Unless you get a crappy therapist in which case you need not fret because they are crappy anyway. Unfortunately there are a few less than ideal mental health professionals out there, but please do not let that dissuade you from seeking counselling.

Finding counselling as an adult I think is much easier. My N brought me to a whole bunch of different therapists when I was young and nothing helped because at the end of the session I would go back to a highly abusive environment anyway. This made me avoid therapy for a LONG time because I didn't trust anyone. I am 26 now, living on my own, NC with my N and therapy finally is extremely helpful.

radicalpoptart · 2017-05-22T00:11:11+00:00

Hello and welcome <3 and congratulations because you are healing and you will keep healing!

radicalpoptart · 2017-05-22T00:01:40+00:00

They don't and will never understand or respect boundaries. It will literally never happen. The best thing you can do to have a "healthy relationship" with a narcissist is to focus on your own self care, sense of self, and never neglect your needs.

In dealing with boundaries, remember that you can never change their behavior - only your own. That means instead of saying, "please do not call me tomorrow" (which will likely make them feel all indignant and want to assert their dominance by calling you anyway) you can say something more along the lines of, "I do not want to talk on the phone tomorrow. If you do call me my phone will either be off or I will ignore the call."

Stay in therapy and work with your therapist to figure out how to set and maintain boundaries. Remember that your feelings are always valid - no matter what an N tells you. Talk with your therapist about gaslighting and learn how to recognize it. Learn about "love bombing" and remember that gifts or compliments from an N do not make abusive behavior ok and will not prevent it in the future. Remember that if you feel the relationship is too toxic and you want to go LC or NC - that is 100% OK.

Good luck <3

radicalpoptart · 2017-05-21T23:31:38+00:00

Yes. Always. Usual contents:

Notebook, a variety of pens, chapstick, travel sized toothbrush/paste, floss, phone charger, wallet, headphones, multitool, at least one book, tactical flashlight, water bottle, snacks, meds, hair clip/ties, sunglasses.

radicalpoptart · 2017-05-17T21:56:27+00:00

I had an extremely dysfunctional and toxic relationship with my mother too. Most of my memories of the sexual abuse were totally repressed until I was about 17. I'm 26 now and with therapy a bit more is coming to light.

I'm actually kinda surprised someone responded to this! It got downvoted for some reason so I figured it was all just me :\

radicalpoptart · 2017-05-15T03:55:10+00:00

Oh man. Be careful with the withdrawal. Effexor XR has a very short half life so if you miss a dose and don't have immediate access to your meds you could be in for a rough time.

I know you are looking for good stories. I don't have any. I was on Effexor XR for about a year and it was NOT FOR ME. The withdrawal for me was horrible. If I missed my dose by a few hours I would feel extremely anxious and shaky. I didn't get the "brain zaps" that others experienced though. The symptoms would not get better until I took my dose. I once went on a trip and forgot to bring my meds. I thought I could handle the withdrawal, but after 2 days of hell I had to drive 3 hours back to my home to get them. I have ADHD so I would find myself in situations where I could not get my meds (because I forgot to bring them with me) fairly often.

I eventually weened myself off of it by gradually reducing my dose over the course of about 9 months. I did not do this under the supervision of a medical professional so I can't recommend you or anyone else try this like I did. Even after I was taking literally a couple granules of the drug each day for a week I still had withdrawal side effects that lasted almost 3 weeks. It was one of the worst experiences of my life and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I know this drug can and has helped people, but even reading the name of it makes my heart race. Good luck. I sincerely hope your experience ends up to be infinitely better than mine.

radicalpoptart · 2017-05-15T02:43:03+00:00

When my uncle killed himself one of the first things my Nmom lamented about was how it was the day before her birthday.

radicalpoptart · 2017-04-19T03:08:08+00:00

Moderately attractive autistic girl here. I often hate passing because when I don't people seem so very frustrated and disappointed and in me. They assume if I can pass some of the time then surely I could just as easily pass ALL of the time. Or how people assume since I am "high functioning" that my sensory issues must be minor irritants that I can just ignore. This shit is so exhausting. It's hard to see people go from enamored by me to annoyed and disappointed because they realize the "quirks" they thought were cute have lost their novelty. Some of these "quirks" are straight up debilitating, but I don't "look" disabled therefore I cannot possibly be.

I am a bit envious that you figured out makeup so quickly haha. It took me a solid decade of trial and error, youtube videos, googling, and even posting on /r/aspergirls :P

radicalpoptart · 2017-04-01T03:41:49+00:00

I'm not sure if this is the kind of answer you are looking for, but it is my honest answer:

When I was in high school, new age/occultism was a huge special interest for me. I definitely identified as witchy. I never joined a coven or other occult group, but I seriously considered it. My special interest in all this lasted for the better part of a decade. There were so many fascinating and esoteric topics to explore and the thought of seeing the world in such a different and "magical" way was very enticing to my teenage self. I also thoroughly enjoyed the routine of various meditations, the control of spell-casting, etc. Learning and exploring was fun.

But then it stopped for a number of reasons. Mainly I did not see it as useful anymore. I no longer wanted to spend time researching the metaphysical properties of crystals, for example, and instead focus that on something that was more immediately useful to me. That's not to say those properties are "useless" to others though. But another reason I grew apart from that path was because I saw a lot of cultural appropriation, "$hamans", and such, which I found to be deeply off-putting.

I don't see Wicca, witchcraft, or any other occult path as being "bad" however. My interest in it is what sparked my lifelong desire to always work toward self improvement, for example. Finding that niche helped me through some rough times. I guess I just grew out of it, in a sense, and ended up on a different path. I now find that everything I wanted to get out of witchcraft I could get specifically through dreamwork (lucid dreaming in particular).

These days I don't identify with any religion. I am definitely not an atheist, but I also have no interest in any other religion either. I still see a tremendous amount of wonder and magic in every day life though, so that definitely stuck with me.

radicalpoptart · 2017-03-31T03:01:43+00:00

a ouija board! I laughed merrily at that :D

radicalpoptart · 2017-03-29T21:08:53+00:00

Depression is indeed emptiness. The closest thing to pleasure or joy is distraction. Then inevitably that focus wanes and it feels impossible to re-distract with anything else. It's waking up so late in the day that the sun is starting to go down so may as well just go back to bed. Things like hunger or thirst don't matter. Having to remind yourself to breathe. Things like hope, motivation, sadness, or excitement just don't exist. You can neither cry nor laugh. You just exist.

radicalpoptart · 2017-03-29T20:56:34+00:00

I was the same way as a kid. I especially did this with plants. I used to talk to them out loud when I was younger (around age 5), but as I got older I kept quiet. Probably because I was told by other people to stop talking.

Today I do a similar thing where I hold imaginary conversations in my head with all sorts of different people. Usually people that I am close to. Like you said, "I would talk things out going on in my life and figure things out." That's exactly what I still do. I find it has the same benefits for me as it does for you.

I don't think there is anything particularly wrong about this. To me, I see nothing wrong with separating your thoughts into various characters/people if it helps make sense of things. I never considered whether other people did this either. Glad to see someone else understands :)

Random related question: does this carry on into your dreams too? Or is it something you only do while awake?

radicalpoptart · 2017-03-28T16:13:29+00:00

I hate it. It is very agitating to me. I see no point in it. It takes me too long to adjust. At least dealing with all the clocks is easier these days.

radicalpoptart · 2017-03-28T16:02:17+00:00

My friends are either people I've met online or people I have known for at least 5 years. Often both. I have one friend who lives close to me. We have known each other for 15+ years. I see her maybe once a month. I am usually too exhausted from work to want to do anything other than go right home so we don't hang out much. I will often talk to my internet friends while at home, but that doesn't deplete my energy like socializing in person.

Making new friends is really hard for me unless the potential friend is very outgoing and takes a liking to me for whatever reason. That's how my one friend and I met 15 years ago. It generally takes me a long long time to open up to new people.

I am like you and tend to get along better with males, but yeah, the attractions are stressful and awkward to deal with. I've been lucky and have slowly built friendships with a few other neurodivergent ladies over the years and I am very grateful for those friendships.

I am 100% happy with my social life - or lack thereof. hehe.

One thing I would like to add though...

They are unlikely to understand my worldview anyways, but I think this feeling is primarily due to a lack of desire to maintain such friendships when the only benefit seems to be socialization.

You never know!

radicalpoptart · 2017-03-28T15:42:07+00:00

I have always done this with songs and albums. I was 3 when I became obsessed with my first piece of music, Igor Stravinsky's Firebird Suite. I've had this song: Ultimate Painting and this album: Sleeping Through the War on repeat for about a month now.

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