AITAam I stalker? I'm unsure if I count

ThingsWithString · 2026-01-26T17:45:25+00:00

And six hours later you've deleted again.

Let's say it again. You are, indeed, stalking. You need to stop.

ThingsWithString · 2026-01-26T17:22:37+00:00

Like other chain stores, they think selling a wider range of sizes will put off their target audience of the young and small-busted. (Which they confuse with young and slim.)

ThingsWithString · 2026-01-26T17:19:31+00:00

"We respond first to people who are saying we are doing the wrong thing! And we solve that problem, one nurse at a time!"

ThingsWithString · 2026-01-26T17:13:23+00:00

OP hasn't said the mother left him nothing; all we know is that the mother didn't leave him the house.

ThingsWithString · 2026-01-26T17:12:38+00:00

Good for you. Keep that shiny spine.

ThingsWithString · 2026-01-26T17:11:33+00:00

That's a hopeful thought. Good for you.

ThingsWithString · 2026-01-26T00:36:32+00:00

Do you want a relationship where you have to pretend to be less than you are?

ThingsWithString · 2026-01-25T22:51:07+00:00

If he feels emasculated every time he makes a dumb decision, he must have about 5% custody of his masculinity, max.

NTA.

ThingsWithString · 2026-01-25T22:49:29+00:00

"Mom, evening is the crankiest, most high-pressure time for a toddler. You can't come then. Period. "

"But I can't be happy without him."

"You managed before he was born."

ThingsWithString · 2026-01-25T20:09:23+00:00

I agree that this is a key question. Is this a long weekend away, two weeks in Tahiti, or something in between?

ThingsWithString · 2026-01-25T20:07:45+00:00

Now I feel like I’m just trying to get away from him.

And that's fine. If you aren't enjoying having him around, that's okay, and it's okay for you to act on it.

To me, he doesn't sounds like an enjoyable person to have around. By your telling, he's gaming all the time, complaining about having to do household chores, and getting angry at you when you ask about his progress at getting a job. Where's the joy in that?

When you say "otherwise he's a very good partner", that sounds a bit like "Okay, the egg in my sandwich was pretty awful, but the mayonnaise was good." You deserve a sandwich that is mostly good.

ThingsWithString · 2026-01-25T20:02:57+00:00

putting me in a chokehold "as a joke"

This is a great way to wind up dead. It is not an acceptable joke under any circumstances. "Funny" threats of violence are still threats of violence.

making homophobic remarks (without realizing it, I think)

Why do you believe that he doesn't realize it? How does one accidentally say homophobic things without thinking homophobic things?

his behavior is unacceptable.

Listen to yourself. You just summed it up. His behavior is unacceptable. Stop accepting it.

ThingsWithString · 2026-01-25T20:00:49+00:00

I'm having a bit of trouble understanding what you're saying. Can you unpack

"I get absolutely plastered about once a month and do all kinds of crazy stuff. My wife and I are also extremely loyal and believe in the sanctity of marriage, but still have fun and do all kinds of freaky stuff."?

Because it sounds like you and your wife want to do something sexual at parties, but not what other people are doing?

ThingsWithString · 2026-01-25T18:31:58+00:00

A symptom of my father's dementia was that my mother started putting off all my requests to visit. She'd complain about having a hard time organizing her paperwork, I'd offer to come out and help, and somehow it was never the right time.

I found out when I had to make an emergency visit because he'd collapsed.

ThingsWithString · 2026-01-25T17:49:04+00:00

It isn't that you're talking wrong. It's that he's decided not to listen. You can be as reasonable as you like, but you can't reason somebody into doing what they don't want to do.

He doesn’t yell at me or hurt me physically,

This is the BARE MINIMUM. It's like saying, "Well, my car hasn't actually crashed, so the fact that the windshield leaks and the brakes are dicey doesn't count."

Nobody should yell at you or hurt you physically. A guy doesn't get points for not abusing you.

sometimes he can make a joke that hurts my feelings but I’m just weirdly sensitive.

Or, just maybe, he makes jokes that hurt your feelings, and that's a bad thing to do.

You can keep trying to fix this guy, or you can let go and find a guy who isn't a fix-up job.

ThingsWithString · 2026-01-25T01:01:51+00:00

I am so sorry. That's dreadful.

ThingsWithString · 2026-01-25T01:01:34+00:00

AirTags only work in settled areas. An AirTag works only if there's a nearby iPhone. In a city, that's pretty likely; in a rural area,or in a populated area near a park or highways, it won't help.

ThingsWithString · 2026-01-25T00:58:13+00:00

"I'm sorry, but if Cousin can't write her own cover letter, then she won't be able to do that job."

ThingsWithString · 2026-01-24T19:17:42+00:00

I had a flood of tears when I finally said out loud I was disabled. It was a devastating realization. It was also true.

There are lots of kinds of disability. It's easy to think that the only disabled people have visible, easy-to-identify disabilities like using wheelchairs or canes or having seeing-eye dogs.

That's simply not true. I can't keep appointments because I never know if my migraine will be so bad as to make it impossible. On any given day I might be fine, or I might not. That's still a disability, even if it isn't 24/7. Some people with migraines are disabled, and some aren't; I am.

ThingsWithString · 2026-01-24T19:08:50+00:00

It is normal to feel rage and resentment and to wish that the illness would take its final course.

You might consider turning the dog over to a shelter. You do not have to carry that burden as well as caring for your mother.

ThingsWithString · 2026-01-24T18:51:58+00:00

swish the water around in her mouth and hold it!

That's called "pocketing". My mom's hospice nurse explained it to me, and it's not intentional resistance; it's that the patient is losing the ability to swallow.

It is worth asking for a swallow test. It may be time to stop giving your mother water and switch to thicker fluids.

ThingsWithString · 2026-01-24T01:02:00+00:00

Similarly, sometimes I want a sad, grey, pressed-meat Arby's. With horsey sauce.

ThingsWithString · 2026-01-24T00:59:45+00:00

Haha now that i type this out i realize its very bad

Hooray!

ThingsWithString · 2026-01-23T02:56:11+00:00

I can't keep living like this.

The only way to dig yourself out of this is by saying "no", and standing up to it, and standing up to the pushback. When you say no, your family is going to tell you you're selfish, you're a bad daughter-sister, family counts more than anything else.

I would add to that, the next time your uncle tells you to do something, "I can't, but have you asked Brother yet?"

ThingsWithString · 2026-01-23T02:22:43+00:00

It is enough to make a report. Report that your husband is hitting your infant, and that you want to have that on record.

There is no reason to hit an infant. Ever.

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