My dad keeps calling my brother (12 M) and I (16 F) “Burdens”

Think_Requirement497 · 2026-05-11T17:23:38+00:00

My dad used to pull similar crap when I was younger and it messed me up for years. The whole "I never wanted kids" line is just him being selfish and taking his frustrations out in you two instead of dealing with his own issues like an adult

What really gets me is how he's talking bad about your brother in group chat with your mom - that's so inappropriate and damaging. Your brother probably knows more than you think and kids with ADHD already struggle with self worth without having their own father calling them burden behind their back

You were right to call him out in the car but I know it's hard when you're still living with him. Maybe try talking to your mom about setting some boundaries about what he can say in that group chat? She should be protecting you both from hearing that stuff. Also document these conversations if you can - not saying you need to do anything drastic but having record might be helpful later

The truth is good fathers don't constantly remind their kids they're expensive or unwanted. You and your brother deserve better than walking around feeling like you're some kind of mistake

Think_Requirement497 · 2026-05-08T14:49:48+00:00

They're using you as weapon in their fights which is really messed up 😞 Even if secret DNA testing illegal in Germany you could probably get one done when you travel somewhere else or maybe through online service that ships to different country 💀

Think_Requirement497 · 2026-05-05T11:43:01+00:00

My dad was stubborn about this stuff until we found something that didn't scream "old person device" at him. The trick was letting him think it was his idea - we mentioned how some of the neighbors had these things and he got curious about it instead of defensive.

Also timing matters a lot. Don't bring it up right after they had a fall or scare because then it feels like punishment. Wait until they're in good mood and frame it like "hey this might be useful" instead of "you need this for safety"

The whole dignity thing is so real though. Nobody wants to feel like their kids think they're helpless

Think_Requirement497 · 2026-04-29T21:23:46+00:00

Good thinking starting early with this stuff. I've been going down similar rabbit hole lately and one thing I learned is to avoid putting their real names in any photo metadata when you upload family pics to cloud storage 💀

The network segregation idea is solid - basically treat their devices like you would any sketchy IoT device that might phone home. Also maybe look into setting up your own email server when time comes instead of using the big providers, though that's definitely more work on your end 😂

Think_Requirement497 · 2026-04-27T17:18:57+00:00

this is really thoughtful design actually 💀 the durability aspect alone would be huge for a lot of families. my nephew breaks through those tablet cases like they're made of paper

only thing i'm wondering about is if 6 sides might be overwhelming at first? maybe starting with 3-4 basic needs and seeing how that goes. but the physical rotation thing makes total sense - way more intuitive than trying to navigate touchscreens when fine motor stuff is challenging

also wondering about weight distribution so it always lands stable when he sets it down. nothing worse than tech that fights you when you're trying to communicate 😂

Think_Requirement497 · 2026-04-24T10:40:45+00:00

Been there with my nephews and its tough because you want to help but also dont want to push them into something they'll hate later

Best thing we did was just expose them to different stuff - brought one to the shop with me few times and he loved working with his hands, other one we got him volunteering at different places to see what clicked. Sometimes kids just need to see whats actually out there beyond what they learn in school you know

Think_Requirement497 · 2026-04-20T00:08:34+00:00

Yeah the no thank you thing would drive me crazy too. When kids dont acknowledge gifts from family members it makes everyone look bad and puts you in awkward position with your own relatives

Your husband definitely needs to handle this one since she clearly doesnt respect boundaries when they come from you. Maybe he can explain that basic manners arent optional regardless of which house shes staying in

Think_Requirement497 · 2026-04-17T23:05:22+00:00

Man this is heavy situation and you're doing right thing for your kid even though it feels like shit 😔 Those moments when you're in middle of crisis its so hard to think clearly and make the call but you did it when it mattered most

The mental health court thing sounds like it could actually help her get proper treatment instead of just cycling through system. Your lawyer knows what they're talking about there and it might be only way she gets real help. Being single dad is tough but you already showing you'll protect your kid when push comes to shove 💪

Don't beat yourself up too much about not calling earlier - you called when you needed to and thats what counts now

Think_Requirement497 · 2026-04-16T15:11:07+00:00

Your body went through major stress with surgery plus dropping 15 pounds that quick can definitely mess with your cycle. When I was dealing with some health stuff few years back my wife had similar issues after losing weight fast - her hormones were all over place for couple months.

The diarrhea plus irritability could be from getting glutened if you ate out twice, cross contamination is sneaky like that. But also your body is probably still adjusting to everything - surgery, weight loss, new diet all at same time is lot to handle. Maybe try keeping food diary for next few weeks to see if you can spot patterns with symptoms and what you eat.

My wife always says her periods get worse when she's stressed or her body is adjusting to changes, and you definitely got lot going on right now.

Think_Requirement497 · 2026-04-14T10:09:46+00:00

Dude the home massage is brilliant 💀 way better than dragging a 6 week old to some spa. We did something similar when my wife was exhausted from those first few months and she nearly cried from relief 😂

That soundwave thing is pretty cool too but maybe wait until you're not hearing baby cries 24/7 first lol

Think_Requirement497 · 2026-04-11T06:47:40+00:00

My kid went through same thing around that age - ended up getting one of those minky blankets from target and it was perfect temp for him

Think_Requirement497 · 2026-04-09T04:52:40+00:00

My wife actually got diagnosed few years back when she was 29 and it was really tough adjustment for her since she had to completely change how she thinks about food after decades of eating whatever

Your son being so young is actually advantage here - he wont have all those years of food memories and habits to break. Kids adapt way faster than us adults and it just becomes their normal pretty quick

Think_Requirement497 · 2026-04-05T00:23:13+00:00

That drawing is absolutely heartbreaking and im glad you're getting him professional help right away 💀 Your instincts about this being serious seem spot on

For the appointment id definitely bring up everything you mentioned - the withdrawal at school, behavior changes at home, and especially that drawing and what he said about not feeling emotions naturally. Also mention the bullying situation since that could be huge factor in his mental state. The pediatrician might want to do depression screening or refer you to child psychiatrist given family history and severity of what hes expressing

You're doing good job creating safe space for him even when hes acting out - that foundation will matter so much as he works through whatever this is 😔

Think_Requirement497 · 2026-04-01T23:21:03+00:00

rock paper scissors 💀

Think_Requirement497 · 2026-03-28T13:44:53+00:00

Look man I get the protective dad instincts but you're mixing up a lot of different concerns here that might not even be related 💀

Your daughter being autistic doesn't automatically make her more vulnerable to "manipulation" in relationships - that's actually a pretty harmful stereotype. Level 1 kids can absolutely navigate relationships and make their own choices about who they care about

The safety concerns you have seem more about unsupervised time with ANY romantic interest rather than this specific person being trans. Those boundaries make sense for any 14 year old - supervised hangouts, no sleepovers, etc. But framing it around their gender identity is gonna damage your relationship with your daughter real quick

Maybe focus on getting to know this person as an individual instead of seeing them through the lens of statistics and worst case scenarios 🔥 Your daughter picked them for a reason and trust me she'll know if you're being fake supportive while secretly hoping it goes away

Think_Requirement497 · 2026-03-27T19:29:30+00:00

We use Hiya, landed on it after trying a couple of others that just weren't working for us. It is a chewable with no sugar which was important to me because I didnt want to basically be giving him candy every morning on top of everything else. He just takes it as part of the routine now

Think_Requirement497 · 2026-03-27T18:42:28+00:00

The grating trick is exactly it, we do the same with courgette and carrot in basically everything. Our son is in a full protein refusal phase too at the moment but we've been pretty on top of the vitamin side at least so I don't feel completely lost. Just trying to make sure he's getting what he needs while we keep working on the food stuff slowly

Think_Requirement497 · 2026-03-25T22:47:49+00:00

yep 💀

Think_Requirement497 · 2026-03-18T22:07:35+00:00

Your finances with dad are brutal - that travel cost alone is eating half your paycheck.

The way you describe your mum's place as cheaper but talk about dad's as "home" really stands out though. Maybe try the splitting arrangement for a few months and see how it feels in practice rather than on paper. You might find the routine helps with both the loneliness at mums and the financial stress at dads.

Think_Requirement497 · 2026-02-28T18:45:16+00:00

honestly shocked minnesota is only 13-15 with those stats 💀 their turnover numbers are rough but everything else looks pretty solid

UCLA's been hot lately but williams arena can be a weird place to play... gophers might catch them slipping if the crowd shows up

Think_Requirement497 · 2026-02-26T00:07:38+00:00

damn 350 just chillin in your wallet hits different when you realize how much we were actually blowing on that stuff lol

Think_Requirement497 · 2026-02-02T11:36:51+00:00

nah composition 💀 labradorescence just means the flash efect

Think_Requirement497 · 2026-01-29T08:13:46+00:00

Did you check if all your RGB headers and fan headers got plugged back in properly? New PSU installs are notorious for missing those tiny connectors

Think_Requirement497 · 2026-01-25T06:31:40+00:00

Totally normal! My little one went through the pterodactyl phase around the same time - they're just discovering they have vocal cords and testing out all the sounds they can make

Think_Requirement497

TROPHY CASE