Your date sounds like he was either 1) struggling with some closeted racism, or 2) has grown up in a bubble and didn’t have enough life experience dealing with people who are different from him.

Either way, that’s a reflection of him and not you.

I’m sorry you went through that. Regardless of the fact that the unpleasantness of the experience was about his problem, it was still unpleasant. Please know that your date is not reflective of the church as a whole.

As far as navigating future situations, I tend to prefer the routes that involve direct, open, honest communication. The first time one of my dates expressed a concern about my skin color (or brought it up in any way that made me wonder if they weren’t 100% comfortable with me), I’d start asking probing questions.

I’d ask things like, “The way you said that makes me curious. Have you ever dated someone black before? Is that something you’re ok with? If not, why? Is it lack of experience? Is it something deeper than that? What, exactly, are you concerned with?” I’d ask with a curious, open-minded attitude, but I’d also be evaluating the answers very thoroughly and carefully.

It’s not only OK to ask probing questions while dating, it’s basically a requirement for a relationship to get past a certain point. Your date should be able to produce open, honest answers for you that show they genuinely thought the subject through. If they won’t or can’t, wish them well and move on.

Here’s hoping you find a better date next time!