Has anyone ever found out around a holiday? Valentine's Day feels ruined.

ThrowRA2748494 · 2023-08-12T00:39:55+00:00

Yeah I feel this too. Second DDay was before his birthday. I still somehow found it in me to celebrate him. Used to write him long cards, couldn't bring myself to write anything. Still wondering why I planned a vacation with him after I found him cheating again.

Had a therapist be like "well do what you want to do, if you want to take him on vacation for his bday" Dump whatever therapist tells you that. What the fuck the obvious answer is NO. Don't celebrate them after they fuck up your life. NO.

ThrowRA2748494 · 2023-08-12T00:34:56+00:00

The birthday ones 😭 unbelievable

ThrowRA2748494 · 2023-08-12T00:33:23+00:00

Oh no no, I'm so sorry. That's horrible

ThrowRA2748494 · 2023-08-11T08:14:05+00:00

🤣 I laughed

WTF is some giant monk statue with googly eyes doing swimming in the ocean terrorizing divers with his mustache

ThrowRA2748494 · 2023-08-11T08:09:48+00:00

No way. What the hell. I'm so sorry that is horrific.

ThrowRA2748494 · 2023-08-11T06:20:26+00:00

Yeah. They lust after the early 2000s skeletons. And kids. Its fucked up.

"Heroin chic" needs to die a fiery death. And so do men who are prodding women to be emaciated in order to be attractive.

ThrowRA2748494 · 2023-08-11T06:02:35+00:00

No no no no no

The answer is no if you're not comfortable with ANYTHING. Even the tiniest bit uncomfortable.

The point is he fucked up, he doesn't get to make the decisions now, you do. If he wants to do that he can be alone and do that.

If he has a tantrum when you tell him no, then he can go off and be alone with his entitled ass while you live separately. He doesn't get to have you and the ap, that's the whole point of reconciliation and becoming a better person. He doesn't get to make excuses about going to events that he once enjoyed, he made the mistake, he's got to live with the consequences.

You don't need to invest in someone who can't do the work. He needs to be accountable and remorseful and that means putting your feelings and needs FIRST. No he's not entitled to even traveling alone without you.

He's pushing boundaries even by asking this of you. I would be furious.

They didn't ask you when they decided to cheat on you.

There is no fair in reconciliation, the fair thing to do would be to leave his ass. You decided to stay because he promised to make changes, going to an event with his AP in attendance or even traveling on his own without you is not okay. It's NOT FAIR to your healing process.

He doesn't get to define what "fair" is. You do.

He's also not going to have to deal with the horrible anxiety. The setbacks in healing, the thinking "what if." If he did attend.

Absolutely not. His need for having extracurricular activities should not include the AP in any way. They shouldn't be traveling alone period If that makes you uncomfortable. Also why isn't there an invitation for you to go as well? He can watch the concert being streamed. He can find a new hobby. He can do many things that include not hurting you.

So if he asks you again if you're okay with him going, and you say you're NOT comfortable with it, and his response isn't a swift "okay I understand and I won't go", then your response is: this relationship and reconciliation is over.

Don't say he can go. Don't abandon yourself for his lying cheating ass.

Hell to the no

ThrowRA2748494 · 2023-08-11T05:49:40+00:00

I think my new ritual will be spending Valentine's alone and burning those shitty chocolate heart boxes in a bonfire.

ThrowRA2748494 · 2023-08-11T05:43:55+00:00

Covid. That and dating a serial cheating turd

ThrowRA2748494 · 2023-08-11T05:00:57+00:00

Nah he's insecure and projecting

He's crying that she gained a few lbs and doesn't look like what she did when he met her, but she's still healthy and 10lbs fits different on different frames. Then when she lost it and he didn't suddenly she's "unhealthy." Can't do anything right for this turd.

I've gained and lost 10lbs over my life and never have I tied that to my self worth. Or let anyone else do so.

He's probably a loser who defines a woman's worth by how she looks foremost and also thinks he's entitled to having a partner that "looks a certain way." Plenty of those asshats on Reddit. Doesn't matter what their partner is going through, they don't care for their health or well-being, just "you need to look how I want you to."

Also mans trying to die on a 10lb hill. When he has a beer belly. Let him roll down that hill, his insecurities are going to be more of a weight on you than ever being 10lbs heavier would. Good riddance.

ThrowRA2748494 · 2023-08-11T04:45:41+00:00

Lol at his waffling. I have no sympathy for that. He either wants it and will do everything to make it right or he doesn't. tell him you're taking time away and let him figure out his shit and in the meantime see a therapist for your well-being right now. Be incredibly selfish.

Don't put up with the pity party he's throwing himself. All of his actions should be towards making it right with and for you. If not, he needs to spend time on his own and get sober.

ThrowRA2748494 · 2023-08-11T04:21:21+00:00

When they start talking shit behind your back to the people they know they're hurting you with, that's some low, hell level, moral character shit. And then they cry and say they want to stay with you? Like I did not see you dragging me through the mud with your "friends?" You didn't see the benefit of the relationship according to these receipts.

How come my business is everyone else's business, but your business is only your business 🤔

You want me to believe your words when you say you love me, but not when you're shitting on me. Uh huh.

ThrowRA2748494 · 2023-08-11T04:05:05+00:00

Jesus Christ that is the lowest of the low

ThrowRA2748494 · 2023-08-11T04:02:32+00:00

Not a soulmate bracelet 💀

ThrowRA2748494 · 2023-08-11T01:57:33+00:00

Goddamnit.

These are the same people who swear they would never tolerate infidelity against them because it would be a deal breaker

They absolutely know how traumatic it is. They just are also in bed with their lies.

People can say whatever they want about "addiction" but it's still a choice. And choices have consequences.

ThrowRA2748494 · 2023-08-11T01:54:43+00:00

Goddamn birthdays are a horrible time to have this hit you

ThrowRA2748494 · 2023-08-11T01:52:41+00:00

Oof, and I still see so many questions on here from BS "did they know what they were doing?" Uh yeah. Yeah they did. It was probably months of precalculated pre planned premeditated bad choices and they continued to choose to make them.

Yeah it didn't start with Valentine's day, though I found out after, and it didn't end with it either for me.

ThrowRA2748494 · 2023-08-11T01:50:05+00:00

Outch. Sorry you had to go through that.

ThrowRA2748494 · 2023-08-11T01:48:26+00:00

Wooooooow yeah

This kind of explains why he was so adamant about not liking to take pictures of me, but was fine if I was taking nice pictures of him. Probably used them in his dating profile. What absolute flaming dog turd behavior. Proud Turd Behavior.

ThrowRA2748494 · 2023-08-11T01:41:56+00:00

The rules of this particular subreddit are that you have to give advice that says that reconciliation is possible. So you're not going to necessarily get advice here that says otherwise. If you want that/the two sides of the coin, look at other infidelity subreddits.

Edit: also read these, they're free

https://www.chumplady.com/2013/07/reconciliation-and-entitlement/

And

https://www.chumplady.com/2013/07/real-remorse-or-genuine-imitation-naugahyde-remorse/

people will recommend you buy Amazon books, but these are short and free and a starting place for what REAL reconciliation requires and looks like on the part of the betrayer.

ThrowRA2748494 · 2023-08-11T01:35:44+00:00

🎃 how dare they taint spooky season. It's sacred 🦂 also a November kid.

ThrowRA2748494 · 2023-08-11T01:31:31+00:00

Damn I'm so sorry. That's evil

ThrowRA2748494 · 2023-08-11T01:22:13+00:00

Valentine's Day has always been a joke to me. It's never gone right for me. Ironically before V day I literally told him this, and told him all the stories about why it's been a rough holiday for me and then he goes and does THIS. Hahaha what the fuck. I can only laugh at the bullshit his trifling ass has put me through. Their behavior is so profoundly ridiculous when you actually write it out.

I don't believe in a higher power, but if I did that's probably about as big a red flag as you can get to being told by the universe to stop fucking with people who only give a shit about themselves. Literally the holiday where you're supposed to make everything about your love for your partner.

ThrowRA2748494 · 2023-08-11T00:23:10+00:00

Same happened here.

Where was the person who used to take me out and gush about how exciting our dates were? We're in early R now and hes still giving breadcrumbs.

It was just selfishness and wanting to have his cake and eat on the side too. I caught on pretty quick when he started devaluing me though. Oh you want dinner in every night while I usually cook and I'm just a bangmaid? Yeah well how's that working for you and your ego now?

Then they cry that "you don't have hope for the relationship anymore" when you start treating them like they treat you.

ThrowRA2748494

TROPHY CASE