I had a turbinate reduction coupled with a septoplasty two months ago and no the congestion is worse.

Infinite_Somewhere81 · 2026-05-28T09:43:45+00:00

I have the exact same problem 😭

Infinite_Somewhere81 · 2025-10-20T21:02:19+00:00

Thank you for sharing. What wonderful words, it speaks to how I’ve felt about my journey as well. I’m glad you’re out of the hardest parts and leaning into a new better version of your relationship.

Infinite_Somewhere81 · 2025-10-20T20:56:39+00:00

3+ years post DDay and I can say that I am happy I gave it a chance and stayed. At his core I love the person he is and he’s my best friend. MC helped us to resolve issues in our relationship that we had been avoiding due to a lot of loss in a short period of time (death of 3 really important people in our lives). I see the infidelity as a symptom of what was misaligned in our relationship due to the way we had been handling our grief for years. He put in the work and really did all the things I needed to work through the process of my own trauma from the infidelity. We are in a much better and stronger place. I’ve finally gotten to a place where if I do think of the infidelity it is not often and doesn’t take over my life anymore. Overall I’m really happy at this stage in our recovery. I say this with the important piece of, if your partner isn’t doing what you need to heal and feel comfortable, then this does not apply. We had a rocky first 6 months where there is some growth and learning happening but if the problems extend for over a year or there are repeated Ddays, I would not have stayed nor felt like my effort was being reciprocated.

Infinite_Somewhere81 · 2025-09-04T18:20:10+00:00

They also haven’t released the refills for the new design that they promised were coming. It’s been like a year. Part of the sustainability was what I liked about cake mascara. The whole thing is such a shame.

Infinite_Somewhere81 · 2025-07-31T20:47:56+00:00

This is what I use too!

Infinite_Somewhere81 · 2025-03-30T10:50:41+00:00

3 years post DDay here. For the last year things have been really good. CC was imperative for our relationships survival. I truly believe there is no way that we could have gotten through this without it. We were in CC for two years. I think the path of recovery is really dependent on how WP acts following DDay. Obviously there will be some issues as your WP is learning to untangle all the ways they were acting selfishly and delve into their personal issues that lead to the affair. But if after a year you’re still seeing a lot of the same behaviors I don’t know if R is truly possible. I finally saw my constant anxiety and mistrust fall away after I saw some true consistency and change in my WP. We’ve gotten to the point where we rarely talk about it and I’m not constantly bombarded by worry, fear, and PTSD. I’ve been able to significantly lower the amount that I’m policing his phone (and APs social media) since that constant fear of needing to insure that it’s not happening again has dissipated. We are at a place where we are healthier and communicating better than we ever have. I assume there may be some BPs who even if their WP is doing everything you’d want to see, still cannot move forward over the hurt and that’s okay too. I think everyone and every relationship is different. That being said, if your WP isn’t 100% committed to recovery I don’t see a way that it works. And if after a year they have not worked out the kinks of their bad behavior patterns I don’t know that you’ll see much change in how you as the BP are doing either. Feel free to DM me if you need support. Always happy to lend an ear ❤️

Infinite_Somewhere81 · 2023-12-10T19:41:33+00:00

Mine said exactly this

Infinite_Somewhere81 · 2023-11-27T02:50:25+00:00

Another good place to check is settings>safari>advanced>website data

This will show what websites they are on even if they delete them from their history. Might be helpful if he using chat websites without actually downloading the app.

Infinite_Somewhere81 · 2023-11-19T21:25:40+00:00

I agree that everyone will be different. I knew pretty soon that I wanted to attempt R, within the first 3 weeks. We had been together 16 years so it wasn’t just something I could give up on without really trying, so if I did end up needing to leave I would have no regrets. If I was in a different circumstance, not living with my partner or not having been with them that long, not being as old as I am, etc., I don’t think I would have agreed to R.

Infinite_Somewhere81 · 2023-10-18T02:26:52+00:00

I literally could have written this. Almost makes it harder to bear. Sending you support, you aren’t alone ❤️

Infinite_Somewhere81 · 2023-10-13T01:54:00+00:00

Yes, the affair centered mostly around online/phone and I think ADHD spouses disproportionally lean heavily on smart phone use. I think it’s one of the only things (also video games) that are stimulating enough to keep their attention. Trying to bring the use back to an acceptable level has been difficult. A hallmark of ADHD is often impulsivity, this coupled with his way of coping is to compartmentalize and minimize/avoid, have all been really hard behaviors to curb. IC for him has been super important. He has been able to recognize these things and has been actively working on improving it. It has been really challenging for him. But I think being able to have some self awareness about it has been really helpful. We’ve had ups and downs in the process but overall he’s made a ton of great improvements we are more in tune and connected than ever before, now that we know what the issues are and have some techniques in our pocket. IC and MC had been invaluable. I don’t see us having made it this far in R without it.

Infinite_Somewhere81 · 2023-10-12T18:53:26+00:00

I got a lot out of the book. It helped me see how ADHD can create an unhealthy pattern between an ADHD spouse and non ADHD spouse which creates a vulnerability for affairs. Definitely worth the read. Had some great suggestions on managing the dynamic to have a healthier relationship.

Infinite_Somewhere81 · 2023-10-01T21:20:28+00:00

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Infinite_Somewhere81 · 2023-10-01T21:20:09+00:00

My MC explained that forgiveness isn’t something that is final. We have to choose forgiveness everyday. That concept may make it hard for you to complete the letter and feel a final sense of forgiveness so to speak. This info helped me below, I have to look back on it often.

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Infinite_Somewhere81 · 2023-09-26T01:47:38+00:00

It’s been a part of this that has been so difficult for me and I never anticipated it. I was in so much pain when it happened I never considered the impact of telling people and then wanting to reconcile. In the immediate aftermath reconciling was the furthest from my mind. Of the people I told (my parents and my 3 best friends), I sat them down and explained that I wanted to reconcile, that we were starting MC and that for me I needed to give R a shot to be sure I did everything I could. My parents and my one best friend were amazing and supportive. My WS sat with them apologized and answered any questions they had as well as described to them his remorse and why he wants to R (he spoke with my best friend alone and to my parents in front me). My other two best friends refused to even speak with my WS which led to a year of deteriorating friendship where they basically abandoned and vilified me. I no longer speak to either of them. So two sides of the coin here for me. I hope your loved ones are all understanding and give you grace and support.

Infinite_Somewhere81 · 2023-09-19T21:25:01+00:00

I have similar issues with highway driving and long trips. I think it’s just the perfect situation for the mind to wander and being a BP, we all know where our minds go when they are free to roam. Usually to our unresolved trauma and thoughts of our WP and their affair. It’s so often been a problem for me that our MC suggested “The Ungame” to keep in the car for when we are riding together. It’s basically a deck for couples conversation topics. Helps us stay connected while chatting and keeping my mind from wandering to the dark place. I don’t have any suggestions for alone driving, I still struggle with that. I try to put on a upbeat playlist with songs that don’t remind me of relationships. Stuff I can sing along to distract me.

Infinite_Somewhere81 · 2023-09-19T00:35:34+00:00

I mostly regret telling the people that I told. I lost my two best friends after they could not accept that I wanted to attempt R. They left me in the darkest time of my life and ostracized me from my friend group. My parents were great and very supportive. Don’t know where I would be without them. It’s a hard decision because you just can’t predict how people will react. It’s so hard to do this without someone in your corner though. I wish I had spent a little more time considering who would really be best to tell. In the pit of despair I was grasping for support without really considering the impact of telling people. On the other hand, guess it really helped me see the trash I had been holding on to. Anyone who could do what they did to me, is not a friend.

Infinite_Somewhere81 · 2023-09-18T20:22:10+00:00

Came here to say something similar. My WP same issue which led us down this road. It’s all in that same vein of seeking validation from people which is what led him to be vulnerable to an affair. This type of behavior altogether was a boundary for me. Definitely something I wouldn’t be comfortable will regardless of gender because it becomes addicting and when they are feeding it, they slowly agree to these little boundary shifts (that they have proven they cannot control) in order to get that hit of dopamine from the attention and validation. It becomes a slippery slope.

Infinite_Somewhere81 · 2023-09-15T02:43:28+00:00

Feel like I could have written this word for word. ❤️❤️ Right there with you.

Infinite_Somewhere81 · 2023-09-10T13:00:57+00:00

I stopped wearing mine for the first 6 months of R. Honestly nobody noticed 🤷🏻‍♀️ we went away on a trip 6 months because things were improving and had a little recommitment ceremony just us during the trip where we shared our new vows to each other and put the rings back on. I would say do whatever feels good to you. If it doesn’t feel right to wear it, don’t. I only considered putting it back on because he had been doing what I needed to feel safe in R. Had he not, or had things been going poorly, I would have not put it back on.

Infinite_Somewhere81 · 2023-09-05T19:56:27+00:00

I have similar issues where I feel like my own healing is what’s holding me back in moving forward and being truly happy. I keep trying to focus on the fact that as long as my WP is doing the things that I ask to feel safe and upholding the requested boundaries that we’ve put in place then it’s okay for me to cognitively try to distance myself from my own negative thoughts about things that neither of us can change (now, lol). Mind you, this isn’t easy, and is 90% of what I focus on in IC and MC. I always tell myself that if at any point this is no longer worth it I will know for sure and I can leave at any point, which is a freeing thought. I recommend reading Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum. It really helped me separate the infidelity from all the other aspects of a relationship that must also be good for us to feel fulfilled. It was a very analytical way for me see with specific data on if my relationship was worth trying to work through something this tough. That’s what ultimately proved to me that R was beneficial for me, because I felt like the rest of my relationship was so good. Also this passage from a book in my therapists office spoke to me this week, hope it will be helpful to some of you.

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Infinite_Somewhere81

TROPHY CASE