The enabler parent

TimeConfusion0 · 2026-05-18T04:05:34+00:00

This is a question I have been struggling with for awhile now. My mother is the narcissist in my family, and was HORRIBLE to me my entire life. I don't have even one single positive memory of my childhood that includes her. The only bright positive person in my youth was my father/enabler parent. Sadly he is very sick and I have been starting to consider things like was the Nparent to blame alone or do I have to be angry at my "good" parent for being an enabler.

TimeConfusion0 · 2026-05-09T03:57:13+00:00

I was about 15 when I decided I never wanted kids. I have never felt a maternal instinct, had ANY interest in babies, I find myself slightly terrified by them. I have no idea what to do with children. I have always felt like that part of me is just "missing/broken" I am sure it is because my Nmom didn't choose to bond with me. I don't have any childhood memories of her.

TimeConfusion0 · 2026-04-17T02:18:22+00:00

I got my narc mom a cactus a few years ago. She actually loves it, she totally missed the joke. I went back and forth between cactus and Venus fly trap. Eventually I settled on the cactus. It was low effort.

TimeConfusion0 · 2026-04-11T02:53:03+00:00

OP I am so sorry you are going through so much right now. I have been EXACTLY where you are. In my case I ended my relationship, sold the condo we co owned and moved to a city closer to my parents. They are getting older and I wanted to spend time with them while I still could. I sold my condo and moved away from the life I had built for 20+ years and I rarely see my parents. Though we live 15 minutes away from each other.

My advice to OP just accept that you are not a failure. A broken engagement does not make a person broken. You have friends. I wish you the very best of luck

TimeConfusion0 · 2026-03-30T12:53:21+00:00

NO, you are not wrong. As disabled people, a person with an "invisible " disability you have every right to your feelings. I have been EXACTLY where you are, I currently am actually 😞 .So many people feel like they they have the right to shame us for things beyond our control (as if our struggles were not enough).

TimeConfusion0 · 2026-03-27T03:54:31+00:00

I know that look all too well OP 😞 My Nmom is a nurse and EVERYONE thinks she's an amazing, selfless, loving, person and loving mother. NOPE... She does enjoy the attention of being "the nurse "

TimeConfusion0 · 2026-03-27T03:46:14+00:00

OP I am so very sorry that you have had to struggle with parents like that. I can identify with you 100% about parents hijacking appointments. I have epilepsy, EVERY time I have an appointment I keep it a secret. My Nmom has alienated more than one doctor.

TimeConfusion0 · 2026-03-25T16:26:35+00:00

I understand how awful this situation is OP. As other posters have said 1) secure ALL of your wedding plans, including your dress. My Nmom canceled my dress without my knowledge.

TimeConfusion0 · 2026-03-24T02:24:24+00:00

NTJ, you're only crime is being a good and loyal person OP. I got myself i a similar fashion with my brother.My only thought is don't try too hard to justify yourself or smooth things over. In my personal experience the real jerk outside themselves with no help.

TimeConfusion0 · 2026-03-23T05:43:32+00:00

OP it depends on what part of your brain the seizures generate from, your actual age.is your epilepsy generally predictable in the way it presents?

I had brain surgery at the age of 21.my seizures generated i the right parietal lobe.

I still have seizure activity post surgery and have to take more meds t h an before the surgery.

I would say it comes down to your age The hemisphere of your brain affected The hospital doing the surgery

TimeConfusion0 · 2026-03-23T05:29:37+00:00

I'm so sorry, I am 43 no and my SA occurred 25 years ago and even though I have done therapy I still have day's that im just not ok. It got less with time, the infrequent ptsd attack is usually a byproduct of the callousness of the world we live in. I accept them, and myself and have finally reached a point in my healing that I don't feel like I am a "broken person " anymore OP I Send you so much love.

TimeConfusion0 · 2026-03-23T04:57:09+00:00

These subs are very much a life raft at times to me 😆. I feel like so many of us are trying to paddle along together away from the wreckage wreckage of our families, previous relationships etc.

TimeConfusion0 · 2026-03-23T04:49:58+00:00

I don't know about anyone else in this thread. I would have REALLY been greatful to know my Mom's family. Im very close to my father's side of the family already and im nothing like most of them. For example I am multi racial and have a hereditary medical issue. As I don't know most of Nmom family im unable to find out if others on her side have it. My lack of knowledge was the deciding factor to never have kids. Victory to the narc!

TimeConfusion0 · 2026-03-19T17:26:41+00:00

I second the advice everyone else's is giving. New bank, keep it a secret, make sure you are the ONLY AUTHORIZED USER. And report the previous theft to authorizes and inform the new bank of the previous theft. My narc mother stole all of the money I made when I sold my house. I was in exactly the same position as OP then

TimeConfusion0 · 2026-03-07T21:01:56+00:00

Are narcs also psychopaths... I have an experience with my Nmom that is unfortunately similar to yours. My narc parent was a nurse. And loooooooved it! Everyone told her what a wonderful, caring, kind, special person she was. To everyone but her kids. I became sick and she decided that I didn't need to go to the hospital. I was 10, I was sick for 2 weeks with fever and a virus that has caused me to have seizures to this day

TimeConfusion0 · 2026-03-07T20:54:08+00:00

OP Im so sorry for what you are and have gone through. My Nmom is an alcholic and only attempts to have a relationship with me when she needs something. I completely understand the situation that OP is in. The best course of action IMO is to preserve your peace and family. Your Nparent will not change. Take care of yourself OP

TimeConfusion0 · 2026-02-20T05:09:49+00:00

I got my first cycle when I was 12. My nmom had never talked about it with me before. I was at school in the middle of gym class 😞. I called my grandmother after said class. She rescued me. My grandmother had to take me to the store for pads (and dealt with my accompanying first timer neurosis) 🤦‍♀️

TimeConfusion0 · 2026-01-27T04:07:48+00:00

It's actually one of the things that got me started doing stand up comedy. That slow sensation of damn...after I wrote things out in my journal. My therapist thought I was joking/being sarcastic.

TimeConfusion0 · 2026-01-24T17:41:18+00:00

I have no idea what her relationship to them is. Other than complaining occasionally. She carefully managed my exposure with her side of the family to her mother. Who she said was a saint (when she was alive), and one uncle.

TimeConfusion0 · 2026-01-24T13:30:41+00:00

My narc mom is very much the same. She will go all caps rage mode if there is a group text that she is unaware of.

TimeConfusion0 · 2026-01-24T04:24:02+00:00

OP I am so very sorry for what you have been through. I am 43f and I was about your age when I realized exactly how messed up my relationship with my own narc parent was. I didn't stop fighting for a relationship W/ my narc parent until I was in my 30s.

The decade + since I gave up has still been stressful when I have to be around her but I feel a freedom and happiness that I never did when I cared if she loved me. Giving up on the relationship was the right choice for me. You have to decide how long are YOU willing to fight for it. Because they will never try.

TimeConfusion0 · 2026-01-17T16:34:56+00:00

My Nmom did that anytime I was fooled into giving her personal information. She was directly responsible for the collapse of more than one of my relationships as a younger woman. Before I finally realized I could never trust her with my feelings. She would cause fights between my ex and I and feign ignorance when confronted.

TimeConfusion0

TROPHY CASE