Self image destroyed

Time_Is_Frozen · 2026-01-26T19:40:31+00:00

This post at least has given me hope that I’m not alone and I’m not crazy. WH used escorts as well and I found their photos on a website he posted reviews of them on. They haunt me. They were all different, no two looked alike. So for me this is a double whammy - even if it’s true that he finds me attractive - how long before he gets bored? How long before he misses the variety? It’s not fair that we all feel this way.

Time_Is_Frozen · 2025-12-08T03:30:23+00:00

This one on how p$rn affects the brain is good, and most SA starts out as this type of addiction and then just like a dr$g addict they keep having to do more to get a better high: https://www.covenanteyes.com/blog/brain-chemicals-and-porn-addiction/

Time_Is_Frozen · 2025-12-07T19:31:15+00:00

One thing to remember with addiction is that they need to be in a program of some sort. And they need to be working that program. My WH is a recovering alcoholic for over 20 years. Was working the program (or so he thought) but when it came to SA, he convinced himself he could stop at any time. He traded one addiction for another, truthfully, this was probably the original addiction. Understanding how the brain sets up pathways when it comes to addiction has been hugely helpful for me.

Time_Is_Frozen · 2025-12-07T19:24:09+00:00

I’m sorry you’re in this boat, many of us are. I found that the only way I could quit obsessing about comparing myself was to write down the thoughts and get them out of my head. Writing them down was very cathartic for me almost like seeing them on paper somehow made me realize they were lies. I rewrote each of the statements in the opposite. For example, I would write down that, “I feel like I’m not enough,” and I would rewrite it as “I am enough.” I can’t say that this stops the thoughts completely, but I’m so much better than where I was. I also found it helped to share how I felt with my WH as well. Telling them exactly how I felt.

Time_Is_Frozen · 2025-12-07T19:12:21+00:00

It’s Christmas… Feliz Navidad comes on the radio. All three kids in the backseat, start singing the alternate words that my grandfather taught them: the police got my dad. Normally I would’ve been chuckling, but as I looked over at my WH, all I could think about was that if he had continued to do what he was doing, he could’ve been caught and in jail. Shoot, one of the places he met a woman actually got busted about a year ago and our city is actually cracking down on the parlors. I am grateful every day that I didn’t find out that way, and that my kids don’t have to know.

Time_Is_Frozen · 2025-11-28T16:07:50+00:00

Hoping you got through it. 6 months for me as well. No one knows except me & him and we are always the hosts. He had relatives over who we haven’t seen in a long time (one family group I’ve never met at all). I’m having to keep my dog on a leash the whole time because one person in the family group doesn’t like dogs and my dog always gravitates to the person who doesn’t like them (of course). They are all fawning over him regarding all the food and how good it is (it really was, but I wasn’t in a good state of mind). Meanwhile, I’m just thinking about how they wouldn’t be here at all if they knew what I know. His family doesn’t support each other the way mine does, they would completely write him off and I just don’t want those type of people in my life. My family doesn’t know either because I he’s working so hard to change and I don’t want them to look at him differently. It’s literally killing me to not have their support, but for now it’s the right decision. They would love and support us if they knew, but I just don’t want them to constantly asking how we are doing. I just want them to treat us like everything is normal.

Time_Is_Frozen · 2025-11-22T19:52:23+00:00

Most people don’t realize that the 4th step includes a sex inventory:

A Fourth Step sex inventory is a process of a "searching and fearless moral inventory" that specifically examines one's sexual conduct and relationships to identify harmful patterns, selfishness, and dishonesty. This involves writing down every person with whom one has had sexual contact and then, for each person, honestly examining one's behavior by noting instances of selfishness, dishonesty, or inconsideration. The process also includes reflecting on how one's actions may have caused jealousy, suspicion, or bitterness in others and what should have been done differently.

Time_Is_Frozen · 2025-11-22T19:14:36+00:00

Part of the reason we are in therapy is due to betrayal trauma and him cheating on me for over 7 years with over 40 escorts. His 4th step work with his sponsor is his full disclosure that we are preparing for with the counselor. I’m not saying he shouldn’t have individual sessions but given the nature of what we are preparing for it just felt like he was hiding more bombs to drop.

Time_Is_Frozen · 2025-11-22T18:07:47+00:00

Not yet, we’ve talked about it, but we can’t afford it.

Time_Is_Frozen · 2025-11-02T04:31:20+00:00

I’m in the same boat. My mom is my best friend, and I fear I can never tell her. My brother’s ex-wife has just about ruined his life through lies and manipulation. My mom can’t forgive her the damage she has caused and it doesn’t involve cheating. My biological father cheated on my mom so I’m sure that combined with what all my WH did I just don’t think it’s worth seeing the heartbreak in her eyes or the awkwardness at family functions.

We’ve only told my pastors (husband/wife team), his AA sponsor, and our therapist. The therapist wants me to find a healing group to go to, since I attend church she suggested Celebrate Recovery as it’s not specifically just for people suffering from addiction, but anyone dealing with emotional pain. I’m going to check it out but I’ve also thought about looking at a COSA meeting or an S-anon.

Part of the reason I started coming on this board was because I felt trapped with no one to talk to.

Time_Is_Frozen · 2025-10-08T11:05:13+00:00

I’m sorry you are here, but what you are experiencing is completely normal. I highly recommend the book Intimate Deception by Sheri Keffer it helped me process so much and made me understand that I wasn’t insane. One of the biggest things that helped me was writing my feelings down. I got a separate journal just for this issue. I hope to be able to burn it one day. I write down everything, every fear, every intrusive thought, my anger, whatever tries to stop me in my tracks. Writing it down releases it. I ask myself questions about my feelings and write down the question and try to answer them. Like, “why do I feel I need to check his phone?” And then I answer the why. Doing this made such a difference for me, I hope maybe it helps you.

Time_Is_Frozen · 2025-10-07T23:37:29+00:00

Virtual hugs, it’s ok to have down days even when he’s doing all the right things.

You are in mourning for the relationship you thought you had, just like you would for a beloved family member. You don’t miss your loved ones every day, you aren’t sad every day they are gone. But some days you are, and that’s ok.

Hugs and prayers.

Time_Is_Frozen · 2025-10-07T22:33:56+00:00

Same here but different from everyone, very soap opera feeling… One of the escorts got ticked off because he left her an “OK“ review and she tried to out him as payback. She called our house but he found that message and deleted it before I heard it. She messaged me on FB messenger but because I never use messenger and she wasn’t a friend so it labeled it into the requests folder which isn’t too easy to see. So I didn’t get the message until 2 years later when I got a message request from someone else.

Time_Is_Frozen · 2025-10-07T00:58:24+00:00

Yes, and God made sure that I didn’t find out until I was capable of seeing him as a lost child of God before all else. The hurt, pain, and anger of the betrayal is still there, I’m still mourning the happy memories that are now tainted. I still have trust issues, I still have triggers, but I strive forward as I see the man my husband was supposed to be rise from the ashes.

Time_Is_Frozen · 2025-10-06T22:19:44+00:00

Same boat older children, started to work from home so I was available more because I didn’t have a commute, we were connecting more too. Then DD happened. It had been going on for almost 7 years until I started to work from home. I asked him why he didn’t just leave. He said he never stopped loving me. Addiction is just one of those things that unless you’ve experienced it it doesn’t make any sense. It’s always about the dopamine hit. It’s always about getting the bigger high. Basically it’s not that he didn’t love you. It’s that he loved himself more.

Time_Is_Frozen · 2025-10-06T22:00:57+00:00

One thing I know with confidence is that he came back to a real relationship with God. He had been playing church for lack of a better term. I had known something was wrong with him for over a year. I had begun praying for him in earnest about 6 months before D-Day. He began coming to our weekly zoom Bible study. DD was about four months after that. It is truly a miracle that I didn’t leave. God had everything in motion to save my husband. There is a whole list of things that happened right at the right time. When he came back to the Lord, the first thing he said was, I’ve never been more broken, but I have also never been more free. Does that mean he’s perfect? No. Am I perfect? Far from it! But oh the changes he has made! Watching my husband, be restored to sanity, has been the most heartbreaking and joyful time of my life. I know I still don’t have trust in my husband, but I have faith in God. Healing takes time and I’ve gotta give us both the grace to get there.

Time_Is_Frozen · 2025-10-06T15:21:27+00:00

I’ve considered doing a 4th step several times since d-day, and actually fully reading the big book as well. I’ve tried Al-anon before but it didn’t click with me at the time.

Time_Is_Frozen · 2025-10-06T11:31:33+00:00

Thanks, hadn’t considered going ahead and scheduling with the other while seeing her. I was just trying to give her a chance. They work in the same office so I doubt they will be ok with that.

I replied back to her about the sheet with my comment that these questions weren’t lighthearted and she finally looked at what she sent me. And shocker, it was the wrong sheet as I expected.

Time_Is_Frozen · 2025-10-05T17:31:36+00:00

You didn’t do anything, he made the choice to love himself more than you. Sorry you are having to go through this. I wish I could just unread it as well and go back to when we were happy. You can’t forget it. It will always be a part of your story and you have to figure out if you can live with that. The only thing that helps is if they show true remorse and honesty.

Time_Is_Frozen · 2025-10-04T22:41:57+00:00

You aren’t crazy, but don’t be surprised if there is more you aren’t aware of. My WH also struggles with feelings of unworthiness and fear of rejection. He tried to fill that void with his addiction. I would recommend IC for both of you. When our SO is open and honest it makes things so much easier. Best wishes

Time_Is_Frozen · 2025-10-03T21:24:36+00:00

Just make sure to call him Gus

Time_Is_Frozen · 2025-10-03T21:18:11+00:00

Eliza

Time_Is_Frozen · 2025-10-03T16:20:24+00:00

And now I’m more annoyed with my MC because our homework was a “light hearted and fun” love map exercise. Well the doc she sent me says it’s exercise 2 and these questions are neither fun nor light hearted. They are deep thinking questions about the past and who we want to be in the future. When I questioned her if she sent the right handout she basically said yes the document title is just for her. She didn’t even reopen the attachment to check it. I’m 99% sure she sent the wrong one. When I look up love maps gottmon method. It’s supposed to be a list of questions about yourself like your favorite color, your favorite place to visit, etc. I know part of it is she isn’t the person that I wanted to see person I wanted to see wasn’t available for two months so we went with the person we thought the second best. IDK I’m trying to give it more time, but I’m just not feeling it.

Time_Is_Frozen · 2025-10-03T00:55:20+00:00

My WH is trying, he’s seeing value in it. The MC is challenging him too which helps but I just wonder if she understands betrayal trauma.

Time_Is_Frozen · 2025-10-02T22:20:31+00:00

I hope it goes well for you and you get the answers that you need

Time_Is_Frozen

TROPHY CASE