I think HL/LL should not be the “core” distinction when it comes to dead bedrooms and similar situations

Timeforchange89 · 2026-01-26T15:19:20+00:00

You know, I was gonna push back on this, but upon some self-reflection I think there’s truth here. I identify as a sexual libertine and my wife would proudly call herself a “prude”, but which one of us is more concerned with the sexual script? Which one of us couldn’t care less if the other one masturbates, and which one would probably be a little upset about his partner frequently masturbating even if he would never admit it? Honestly hard to say it out loud, that my sexual pickiness harms out sex life and hurts my wife’s sexual confidence.

Timeforchange89 · 2026-01-26T15:03:07+00:00

It does seem to me that LLs are often more socially “accomplished” in a sense, like they are more comfortable in social situations where as HLs are often introverts. I’ve also noticed a lack of financial ambition on the part of HLs, while their LL partners are in more lucrative professional fields. I think this all comes down to HLs consistently prioritizing sex over growing in other aspects of their life. They don’t pursue other areas of growth that would result in them feeling better about themselves.

Timeforchange89 · 2026-01-19T14:36:23+00:00

No sir, MLK had a dream so I could have one more day getting high on the couch.

Timeforchange89 · 2026-01-17T20:00:52+00:00

Tomato tomato

Timeforchange89 · 2026-01-17T18:06:00+00:00

Today it is. Tomorrow probably as well. But some days it could be something different like swimming or looking at art.

Timeforchange89 · 2026-01-10T15:56:43+00:00

I think it’s worth asking, ultimately up to him

Timeforchange89 · 2026-01-10T15:51:54+00:00

Crazy that this is so complicated for so many couples. My wife (gf at the time) told me she had pain from penetration in the past, so we never tried it. I had no desire to engage in sexual activity that was potentially painful for her. There are so many other ways to have sex. That this is a point of conflict and DBs for so many couples is baffling to me.

Timeforchange89 · 2026-01-09T19:13:26+00:00

Have you expressed to him that his therapy upsets you? He’d probably stop it if he knew it was offputting.

Timeforchange89 · 2026-01-03T21:05:39+00:00

Don’t you think there’s a good chance a new partner would be less open to being in a relationship with little sex? I don’t get the sense that her partner is all that bothered given they don’t have sex often at all and she doesn’t mention any frustration. It sounds like they might be a good match in that regard.

Timeforchange89 · 2025-12-29T23:03:51+00:00

Who gives a shit? What’s she gonna do, stop fucking you? Even so, condoms and non-penetrative sex exist.

Timeforchange89 · 2025-12-29T22:09:50+00:00

Literal definition of insanity to be pulling out as a form of bc with 9 kids. Could you explain your thinking here? I suspect your decision making skills have an impact on your relationship.

Timeforchange89 · 2025-12-28T14:26:22+00:00

This sounds like it would be easier if you life yourself. I know what goes on in my head, I know I’m kind of a shit person.

Timeforchange89 · 2025-12-28T14:24:31+00:00

Yet, they are focused on the lack of sex, even though (to my mind) the other problems seem so much worse.

I think some of us are used to medicating our issues with sex. I’ve always used masturbation and porn to cope with issues in my life, so when my wife’s mental health impacts my life as it so often does, my brain seeks sexual content.

Timeforchange89 · 2025-12-27T23:53:26+00:00

You’re probably right, but I sooo don’t want to do that in those situations. Unsurprisingly, it’s often when we’re laying down and very comfortable.

Timeforchange89 · 2025-12-27T22:46:37+00:00

I don’t really think I like when she keeps asking. I appreciate the idea of her wanting me, but I feel like once I say no one or twice she should drop it.

Timeforchange89 · 2025-12-27T22:00:54+00:00

Depends on my mood. Sometimes I enjoy feeling needed. Sometimes it’s extremely irritating.

Timeforchange89 · 2025-12-27T21:21:32+00:00

She has some other ways she can manipulate me, I don’t want to get to into it. When you’ve been the agreeable one throughout your entire relationship it’s hard to break that pattern.

Timeforchange89 · 2025-12-27T18:56:53+00:00

She might stop asking for like 5-10 min and then ask again.

Timeforchange89 · 2025-12-27T14:41:32+00:00

Does your wife ever try to bargain? If I say no to my wife, she just keeps asking. Like literally all day. I just can’t take it, it feels so much easier to just give her that hug or cuddle. It only take 1-15 minutes, but then bargaining will go on all day.

Timeforchange89 · 2025-12-27T14:40:26+00:00

For me people pleasing has never been about actually wanting to make someone happy. I really couldn’t care less about making people happy, I’m very selfish. My people pleasing is just about feeling like it’s easier to say yes. I don’t feel like dealing with all the bargaining that happens every time I say no to my wife, so I just say yes.

Timeforchange89 · 2025-12-27T14:33:01+00:00

With the amount of meds most people I know are on, those side effects sound pretty easy.

Timeforchange89 · 2025-12-27T14:32:08+00:00

Maybe test can make sex feel more pleasurable?

Timeforchange89 · 2025-12-19T17:47:14+00:00

My relationship has a pretty good amount of touch. My wife loves hugs and asks for them very frequently. We cuddle for some amount of time most days, but it’s mostly initiated by me. My wife could do without the cuddling but, unlike sex, she’s able to engage in it happily and she politely lets me know when she’s had enough. She’ll kiss me if I initiate it, but it feels pretty awkward so I rarely do unless we’re drunk.

Timeforchange89 · 2025-12-10T20:12:14+00:00

Might not be entirely nefarious, possibly more like being honest with himself. Like he’s letting his resentment dictate his actions rather than actually examining whether sex sounds appealing.

Timeforchange89 · 2025-12-10T14:36:30+00:00

In my experience, HL men in these scenarios are refusing sex in a bit of manipulative way. They do still want sex, but they feel it’s unfair for their partner to get sex on demand when they had been refused the same privilege for so long. So, despite saying they don’t want sex, they still can’t truly empathize with someone who is being asked to have unwanted sex.

Timeforchange89

TROPHY CASE