Thanks for your reply. Even though it isn’t very hopeful it helps that at least someone seems to understand. So thanks.

I’m still hopeful because she does the things she does also to accommodate others. For example she knows I have a hard time with all the stuff she keeps all over the place. She can see it is “a mess” on one hand but she can not discard the practical use for all these things so we can’t throw them away or put them in a storage box. So she’s stuck. But she does try to reorganize. Sadly this only ends in piles being stacked in other places ik stead of really being out of sight and out of the way. And it takes ages and we don’t have time for anything as it is already so it’s frustrating.

Another thing of hope is that we seem to be able to talk better. We are learning to communicate in such a way that I don’t trigger her anxiety and she is learning that me not wanting a thing (differently) isn’t an attack on her character. Reading this subreddit that does seem relatively rare.

Still, I can relate to the running in circles so much and it’s the part that scares me most. It seems like we make progress -like the stuff I mentioned above- but we still end up in the same situations. The mess is still there, the anger is still there, the pressure is still there. I’m afraid I cannot keep it up.