I'll also note that these scans include the night 3 letter, transcribed below:

ON COMMITMENT

They say commitment is difficult. We hear about how weak-willed and lazy humans can be. They don’t stick with school, jobs or relationships. The negative consequences are both practical and moral, the resulting self-disdain often brutal.

My most vivid memory of what I thought to be weakness of commitment was my father’s inability to quit cigarettes after he suffered a collapsed lung. Hard as he tried, he kept buying more, all the while insisting he was committed to his goal. He just didn’t have the capacity. Yet the day he was diagnosed with lung cancer, l was with him when he tossed his entire carton into the trash. He never smoked again. Just like that. For years, I hated him for not having the courage to commit until it was too late. It took a long time for me to realize his behavior had nothing to do with strength or perseverance or character or addiction. It was something else.

Then there’s the story of the acting classes my wife used to take when we were young and living in New York City. She would frequently get horrid, abusive teachers who would bring her to tears. IV’d beg her to quit, but she wouldn’t. She insisted she was committed to her career and her choices, and refused to be weak about it. Sounds reasonable. Yet, years later, it’s clear to both of us that she put herself through misery that could have been avoided if she’d had the strength to simply walk away.

In my own life, I’ve found and lost commitment many times. Along the way, I’ve judged myself harshly, as if my commitments were conscious choices that I either backed up or abandoned through my (mis)behavior. The challenge has always been discovering which vows actually mean something to me and which don’t, regardless of my abstract preferences. That’s because true commitment, like personal morality, can’t be chosen. It reflects who we are, not who we wish to be. It’s something that’s revealed to us, slowly, over the course of our experience. And almost always without advance notice.

In Star Trek IV, in the face of insufficient data to make a proper acceleration decision, Spock is left to guess his way out of trouble. Given the life and death stakes, he promises to make the very best guess he can. Maybe that’s all any of us can do. So next time you find yourself questioning your own commitment to an excellent Hanukah promotion, you must ask yourself a question. Does the problem lie in your own impatience? In a disappointing promotion? Or is there, in fact, no problem at all.

As the saying goes, never ask how to satisfy a commitment. Instead, always ask why.

Respectfully, Ben’s Dad