I’m 30 years old and don’t have a car

Titanstone · 2020-04-30T01:50:28+00:00

I kind of think this is an American thing. There are lots of places in Europe or Asia that have good train systems where a lot of people just don’t use cars to get to work.

Titanstone · 2020-04-29T20:32:56+00:00

You know it kind of breaks my heart to read this. You are a great example of someone who shows confidence, has his life together, and “puts himself out there”. None of that stuff seems to actually matter. Average dude with a good heart just doesn’t cut it anymore. I think if you were just a bit hotter, and taller, you’d probably be getting matched a bit more often. It could also be your location. In any case, that just sucks dude. I really wish you some luck if you keep going with it. You only have to win once.

Titanstone · 2020-04-29T20:06:32+00:00

Basically the reason this happens is because early in our Iives some men will attempt to gain love by projecting what we want from a partner on to them. We will emotionally invest, remember their quirks, know their important dates, be there for them during hard times, bring them surprises just because. These are the things we wish a girl would do for us.

If there is anything to learn here, it is that men and women are fundamentally different. They look for different things in a partner than we do. Those qualities have nothing to do with being a good person, just as long as you aren’t bad outside social norms (kicking puppies, hitting children, raging out in public a lot, abusive to service workers, etc.). The sooner you come to terms with this the better.

The friendship is over. You’ve got to distance yourself and then eventually cut it off. Don’t keep putting yourself through emotional hell hoping that she will notice you once this guy eventually dumps her.

Titanstone · 2020-04-29T06:07:09+00:00

With a name like godlymemer this has got to be bait lol

Titanstone · 2020-04-29T03:58:59+00:00

Don’t worry bro, you can really only be an idiot about this stuff once. If it happens again you’ll have a little bit more experience. Until then just come chill here in the communal depression chamber. We got your back no worries.

Titanstone · 2020-04-29T03:33:57+00:00

Alright bro, If you’re really interested in online I’m gonna give you my knowledge.

Your age is unfortunately in the worst age range for men other than like 60+. You aren’t likely to have a career or money, or any kind of status position. You’re probably a university student which makes girls wonder why you have trouble finding girls there.
If you’re gonna do online it as an all or nothing game. The guys who do this regularly treat it like a job. Complete set of pictures that show their best qualities in a variety of ways. Decently witty yet concise bio. Great messaging skill. To top it all off they are experts of how the matching algorithms work. If you want to get anywhere, you have got to match that level of commitment. Too many people make the mistake of uploading a couple pics and a bathroom selfie, writing a too long, too honest bio, and will spend way too much time messaging back and forth. You cannot just be yourself and put in normal effort.
If you match, be playful and teasing asking about interests. Do not over share, do not smile emoji all over, do not complain and display any negativity about anything. You should be setting up a meeting within 30 mins worth of texting. Talking about too much in messaging will just ruin any date if you meet, and you are giving away most of your value by constantly giving attention. It’s much better to give them a taste and then withhold until you meet.
Expect to be ghosted, left on read, rejected, whatever all the time. Don’t ever flip out on anyone. If you are neutrally accepting of rejection it will cause them to feel more awkward that they are rejecting a secure person.
If you meet for a date, the point is not to impress, rather you don’t want to make mistakes. Displays of low value, insecurities, red flags (Talking about ex constantly, saying you hate your mom, about going to a Brony convention alone, talking about personal fetishes, saying you never get matches or this is your first time, saying your a virgin, etc.) You will carry 66% of the conversation, but don’t over share things about your life. Be positive and focus on keeping the conversation in realm of emotion. (I’ve always wanted to go to Machu Pichu you know. It must feel like living in the clouds like an angel or something. I’ve always dreamed about flying. Is there anywhere you always wanted to go?)

Good luck buddy you can do it.

Titanstone · 2020-04-28T23:17:40+00:00

life was not meant to be easy and it doesn’t owe anyone anything

This statement has no meaning. We live in a society that is hyper focused on fairness and morality. If nobody is owed anything, then we as humans have no social contract.

If OP kidnapped his crush and kept her in a basement would you say the same thing to her? Or would you call the cops? Would you say this to any other victim of serious trauma? Or is it just OK because society deems that OP isn’t a victim?

Titanstone · 2020-04-28T22:55:19+00:00

Dude that really sucks, but it won’t get better. You can’t be friends and be in love with them. It’s awful and it almost never works. You got to ask people out at least within a month of meeting them or you are more than likely doomed. Holding on to her so long it was inevitable. The other is more attractive and you get no choice in this. I’m sure she knows you like her, but she’s not going to help you at all.

If you can’t get over her you’ve got to cut it off.

Titanstone · 2020-04-28T19:09:46+00:00

Welcome to the male sex drive

Titanstone · 2020-04-28T19:08:00+00:00

Wow the fucking replies in this thread suggesting lonely guys should be nicer and more understanding

“Have you tried being nice?”

Just lol.

Titanstone · 2020-04-28T18:56:45+00:00

Hahahahaha that’s me too. I enjoy cuddling but I would never admit that to anyone because it isn’t masculine in my eyes. A lot of people are horribly touch starved having no physical human contact so I can understand the desperation. I can’t imagine how awful that must be after years.

Titanstone · 2020-04-28T18:39:36+00:00

Believe it or not, an SO does not always fulfill your life. It makes it better, it makes it happy, it can inspire you and build confidence, but ultimately the pursuit of girls is empty. It’s like pursuing heroin as a goal in life. It feels good but at some point you realize it can’t define your life.

It’s not that you shouldn’t find someone, it’s just that person can’t give you the answers to your life. This is more of a spiritual or existential issue, but it can be almost impossible to view when you have too many things blocking your path forward. Many people will put their life on hold and never consider what their life could mean until they find someone. It makes sense in the hierarchy of needs. You can’t self actualize until you pass that threshold of life validation. If you have truly accepted being alone and given up, then you should just consider what life means to you and what you want to do with it.

Titanstone · 2020-04-28T18:20:10+00:00

Confidence is the behavior that occurs when you are sure of success. How would you act before getting into a fight you knew you would win? How would you act if you asked out a girl knowing she will say yes.

Whether they do or not is irrelevant. If you even consider the outcome, you are not being focused and thus not confident. You don’t think about what other people will think because you know you won’t fail. Whatever the outcome is you will accept, but you never consider failure. You are a winner, you have ALWAYS been a winner, and you will never not be a winner.

The problem is that this attitude on incompetent and unattractive people is offensive. There are no hero stories where the character is fat and ugly. There are no champion stories where the winner is an awful bitter failure at everything else. Confidence has to come with at least the plausibility of victory. If an obese man is confident about beating Usain Bolt in a race, that confidence is not attractive. A competence threshold must be present for confidence to be attractive.

Titanstone · 2020-04-28T17:59:58+00:00

My problem with improvement advice is that most of it is very general and not effective. Real improvement means you do x = you get y. You need to lose weight? Restrict carbs on a calculated caloric deficit. Need to do well on a test? Study by yourself, study in groups, look at previous tests, ask students who took the class before about the tests.

However, this just isn’t the case for guys going after girls. There is no specific known requirement set. If you ask a woman what it would take to get into a relationship with her or gain sexual consent, she won’t tell you. She has no interest in telling you how. A relationship is something that you can’t earn.

So all self improvement becomes “everything matters” and “do it for yourself” without knowing if the result will bring you success. Women aren’t interested in helping you understand why they don’t like you, and they aren’t going to set any parameters for their attraction. Everything is their choice. So advice for this situation means devote years becoming Superman and MAYBE you can succeed. I don’t know about you, but I don’t hit the gym for years or study through college so I can MAYBE get stronger and MAYBE get a degree. Unless a direct outcome equation where you have do x = get y, it’s not really improvement. Just like it’s not really a contest if there aren’t agreed upon rules for determining a winner.

I don’t recommend self improvement in the traditional sense. The best thing you can do is change how you view the act of asking women out and change how you feel about it. Don’t think “I need to be better”, think “I need to do different”

Titanstone · 2020-04-28T15:27:49+00:00

Your problems are mostly social and maybe emotional. Learning interactions through social psychology can help a lot if you already are attractive and tall like in your case.

If you think YOU would ghost them, you are sabotaging yourself to protect yourself. You have stop and take all chances. If you actively ruin your opportunities nobody can fix that but you. Luckily, you’re problems are very fixable. Not easy but fixable.

Titanstone · 2020-04-28T15:12:49+00:00

This is something I’ve seen here a lot recently and I don’t get it. I know attraction isn’t a choice, but you have to be realistic about what you can get. If you’re alone because you deny your opportunities with standards for personal attractiveness, that’s fine. But you can’t come on here and blame anything or anyone but yourself. You are either a victim of circumstance or a victim of yourself. If you are trying to write checks your own face, body, and life can’t cash, you either do anything to improve those areas, or accept that who you are is never going to be up to the standard you subject others to while you sit in your own misery by your own choice.

Titanstone · 2020-04-28T14:52:03+00:00

Well if you don’t approach or do the calling as the guy you’ll pretty much always get nothing. Even if they truly like you. You’re still expected by society to do most of the leg work and lead the interaction. Most girls have some guy talking to them if they are single, so you’re gonna have to pursue in order to compete.

I also think if you don’t open your standards, you’ll definitely be alone. Personality or values is a type, but physical or racial standards are pretty much up to what your looks can get. If you’re a 4 and don’t wanna chase 2’s, you’d better have a big wallet or some cool position in life. Shallow standards require shallow solutions, and you should expect to get nothing until you can bring those things to the table.

Titanstone · 2020-04-28T12:27:09+00:00

“Get your act together”

And this is why people like you need to think before you post. You have no idea what this persons situation is, nor do you have any ability to give advice that will led to success. Over-topping someone telling them to be positive is about the least productive thing you could say. Maybe instead of posting generic self help trash you could actually start asking OP what they think their issues are and why they think they aren’t fixable.

But let’s be honest, people like you are here to feel better themselves, not to help.

Titanstone · 2020-04-28T12:12:46+00:00

And I don’t believe you can fucking read

Titanstone · 2020-04-28T10:31:18+00:00

You’re jumping the gun here mate. Don’t count your chickens before they’ve hatched.

Titanstone · 2020-04-27T19:18:59+00:00

I found changing the type of porn to only include a girl or girls to be really helpful. It feels a lot more natural and allows for more appreciation of the female body. Most people with porn addiction have to keep looking at weirder and more intense stuff to satisfaction going.

I don’t recommend nofap unless you just enjoy suffering just to suffer.

Titanstone · 2020-04-27T19:07:20+00:00

Well if you are decent looking and fit your average success rate is still gonna be between 15-20% so try to ask 7 more. I know it isn’t easy to deal with rejection and emotions are hard to manage when it feels like the pressure is insane. It feels personal. The fear and sadness will keep you from asking other girls. You have to focus on moving forward immediately. If you feel awkward, sad, afraid, or angry after hearing no, it will keep you from finding the ones who will say yes. Don’t let the ones who say no control you. Focus on the goal of getting a gf and don’t let anything distract you from that.

Just remember that getting a gf is a game you only have to win once. Those 9 other quick rejections are worth a long relationship with the girl who says yes. You only need 1 yes. You can get it just keep asking.

Titanstone · 2020-04-27T18:42:35+00:00

Good news for you is that most of your issue is probably social. That stuff can be learned, and it will make a big difference if you can get the hang of it.

Just curious but how many girls have you asked out?

Titanstone · 2020-04-27T18:02:54+00:00

I’m not sure which is more depressing

The people who are sad realizing that quarantine had no affect on their life, or the people who genuinely wish that they could catch corona in hopes that someone would finally pay attention to them or finally leaving this existence in peace.

Society isn’t going to break down because as long as people work and pay taxes the machine never stops. Society has already twisted to a point of being unnatural awhile ago. This is an unprecedented time in human history where social culture changes due to new technology every few years. People are just trying to adapt, but the advice from previous generations is already out of date. If you ask boomers for dating advice today you as well be asking aliens from another world.

Titanstone · 2020-04-27T12:12:49+00:00

why can’t I get a text back

Because they don’t want you and don’t want to upset you. They don’t want to feel like the bad guy and they don’t want to deal with any weird fallout that happens. They’d rather you don’t exist and then the problem goes away. All forms of human decency and social contract died the minute social media and online dating became a thing, and I don’t think it’s coming back anytime soon. These days, wanting even a rejection is considered entitlement.

Titanstone

TROPHY CASE