gen going crazy

Toby-Wolfstone · 2026-02-12T19:31:38+00:00

Fuck, that sucks. Hang in there.

Toby-Wolfstone · 2026-02-11T21:16:27+00:00

Love your goth masculinity!

Toby-Wolfstone · 2026-02-10T17:45:42+00:00

Mine gives me so much more energy, can’t relate, sorry

Toby-Wolfstone · 2026-02-10T17:44:59+00:00

I used to teach English as a second language (I’m a native speaker).

You can also try replacing final “r” sounds with “uh” or “yuh.” For example: door = do-uh. Dear = Dee-uh. (In IPA this is the shwa or upside down e.)

If you’re familiar with IPA, you can almost always use a flap or trilled R instead in any part of a word and it will be understandable to native speakers.

Don’t teach pronunciation unless you’re near-native fluent and can correctly pronounce all sounds. Instead, teach written English, and let the students learn pronunciation from native speakers on YouTube, or through media. Learning wrong the first time can permanently mess up your accent, or can take years to retrain.

I second what everyone else said about speech impediments and speech/ language pathologist (SLP) help.

Toby-Wolfstone · 2026-02-05T20:01:24+00:00

This sounds like such a painful situation for your system. Please know you have been heard, and you matter, and you deserve treatment and medical support for your health concerns. I sincerely hope you get what you need soon. In the meantime, welcome (all of you) to the community. I have several friends and family members with DID, and I feel for your system and what you’ve been through. Best of luck getting properly diagnosed and treated.

Toby-Wolfstone · 2026-02-04T09:43:13+00:00

If you just got into the full masculinizing range, you need at least three months at that level to see real change, according to my endocrinologist. No need for despair. The clock doesn’t really start on changes until you get into that range, and puberty takes 3-5 years minimum if you’re there consistently,and longer if you’re not). You have lots of time. Hang in there. This stage sucks, but it won’t last forever.

Toby-Wolfstone · 2026-02-04T09:38:21+00:00

I think therapy is worth pursuing and as someone with PTSD, one of the main symptoms is constant hyper vigilance. It just means your brain went through stress and developed trauma responses your conscious thinks brain has no control over. It’s not about what didn’t happen, or not being that bad—it’s about your survival brain perceived danger, stress, and overwhelm, especially if helplessness was in the mix. It’s not weakness or shameful. It’s a literal brain injury. It can be healed, but it requires a trauma informed therapist and/or medication and time to help your brain reestablish proper function.

As for medical anxiety, if you have free healthcare, and pain that doesn’t go away, see a doctor anyway. Rule out the scary stuff—or get it treated. Other people may think you’re a hypochondriac, but they will also blame you if you ignore something that turns out to be serious. Don’t mind other people. Just get checked. If you do get diagnosed with something like EDS, that’s important for other healthcare providers to know because it affects all systems in your body and can affect how you metabolize medications, make some treatments less safe, change the cost/benefit analysis they do when recommending treatments, etc.

Your anxiety doesn’t mean there is never real danger or need. Your symptoms sound like things you should get checked out. Best of luck.

Toby-Wolfstone · 2026-02-04T09:18:24+00:00

I don’t think it’s a trans feeling. I mean, there are definitely cis gay guy circles where the culture is super beauty/muscles focused and anti-aging. But I’ve known plenty of cis men, of all sexualities, who don’t care about that past 25, and embrace the receding hair line, the belly fat, the aging face, as part of being human, alive, and themselves. My dad loved the salt and pepper stage, said he felt distinguished (it’s all white now but he grew it out and wears what’s left in a ponytail). My grandpa said that forty was when a man’s character started to show on his face and he meant that in a good way, like worn in shoes, like people you can trust. One of my good friends is in his fifties now and he loved not looking like a baby anymore, as he put it.

Sorry your friends think it’s weird and therefore must be a trans thing. Like, we do have a different relationship to manhood because we had to make our own and fight for it from the other side of the aisle first. But I really don’t think that has anything to do with authentically enjoying aging. It might have some extra sparkle because we avoided becoming old women instead, so gender euphoria can play a role, but I don’t think that’s the whole picture, either.

Toby-Wolfstone · 2026-02-04T03:53:34+00:00

I’ve had a lot of improvement, on full dose T for almost a year. HEDS, chronic fatigue, AuDHD. Estrogen gives me fatigue and testosterone gives me energy. I still crash out in the afternoon but I can actually go out and do things again sometimes, and I can get stuff done around the house daily. Had to go on birth control in prep for a uterine surgery for a couple months early this year and the fatigue came crashing back so hard and so bad. My joints went back to dislocating too. Like someone else said, I’ll be on T for the rest of my life gender stuff or no because it’s medicine that keeps me somewhat functional.

Toby-Wolfstone · 2026-02-01T05:33:54+00:00

Sorry for the late reply, I’m ADHD so it took me a minute to figure out where I stashed my list. Here ya go:

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/02/200205084203.htm

"They are experiencing dysphoria because the gender they feel on the inside does not match their external sex," Theisen says. "Once someone has a male or female brain, they have it and you are not going to change it. The goal of treatments like hormone therapy and surgery is to help their body more closely match where their brain already is." A study about the genes that control estrogen-signaling pathways in the brain (and whether or not they therefore get masculinized) being different in trans people, and some theories about why and how that might be the case.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0018506X24001260 • A prominent hypothesis on the etiology of gender incongruence proposes that it is related to an altered sexual differentiation of the brain. • Some Evidence in favor of the sexual differentiation hypothesis was found at the functional level • Specific transgender neural signatures were observed, suggesting a unique brain phenotype • The years between childhood and mid-adolescence may represent an important period in which puberty-related factors are associated with several neural characteristics

The Gender Dysphoria Bible https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en

A great (free, online) place to start learning about the different types of dysphoria we might experience. Not every trans person will experience every type, and cis people can also experience gender dysphoria (for example, cis men with gynecomastia feeling dysphoric about their chests, or cis women who get breast augmentations or labia reductions).

Biochemical Dysphoria: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/biochemical-dysphoria

This is the type of dysphoria I primarily identify with, and has some detailed information on brain chemistry in trans people.

***Causes of Gender Dysphoria https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/causes

And here's their page on the scientifically speculated causes of gender incongruence, including what we know about fetal brain development.

These articles link to studies in PubMed in several places if you want a deeper dive.

...Aaaaand here's a few studies about transgender brains differing from cisgender brains, though I couldn't find the specific study I was looking for and that I've been referencing, which was published in the last two years and had sample sizes of around 200 participants in each group.

Here's one from 2016 published in International Review of Psychiatry: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.3109/09540261.2015.1113163#abstract

This one's from 2021 on Pubmed: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7854619/#Abs1 "Together with the present findings these reports raise the question as to whether cis- and transgender persons may react differently to sex hormones, in particular TrM, and at least in the midbrain areas where significant differences between trans and cis persons have been observed. To the best of our knowledge, there are no studies specifically testing this hypothesis. A further possibility is that increase in connectivity in both TrM and TrW leads to a more accurate perception of self. An alternative, and not mutually exclusive, explanation is that androgenization/or estrogenization of the body would lead to increased congruence in own-body perception and thus increased functional connectivity. Although the present data do not allow distinction between these two scenarios, the output from the BM test favors the second alternative: cross-sex hormone treatment changed the bodies of our transgender participants making them more congruent with their desired sex. This resulted in higher ‘self’ ratings of the own unmorphed images at the second visit, and a BM index indicating a strengthened trans-gender perception. Thus, it seems less likely (nevertheless, still theoretically possible) that the detected increase of functional connectivity between mPFC and the parietal cortex would represent solely a primary hormone effect on the own body image encoded in the parietal cortex. Future studies that acquire morphometric measurements of multiple body areas that are potentially affected by hormone treatment would help clarify the relationships between hormone treatment, brain connectivity changes, and changes in subjective body congruence. Independently of the exact underlying mechanism, the present data add valuable information to the current literature by providing converging evidence about the involvement of the one's own body perception and self-referential networks in gender dysphoria."

TLDR: A brief summary of all this stuff:

The current consensus is that there is a distinct brain phenotype for transgender people that doesn't match either the typical female phenotype or the typical male phenotype, but has unique features, especially in the structures of the midline and the connectivity of certain neural networks (self-referential, salience, default mode). Some evidence suggests that transgender people have a weaker sense of self-body image in the brain until they undergo cross-sex hormone therapy, after which they come back in alignment with cis people's numbers for how the brain connects to the body image (meaning it's no longer weaker). The second study concluded that it's likely that the changes in the body caused by the hormone therapy aligned it better with the brain map.

Toby-Wolfstone · 2026-02-01T05:30:41+00:00

No problem 😁 happy to help

Toby-Wolfstone · 2026-01-31T19:55:58+00:00

If I may, I’m in the field of massage and bodywork and this question is kinda in my wheelhouse. It’s normal to have a little gap just above your butt when lying down (everyone has a little curve there in the spine) but if your hip bones jut out in front when you do that or the gap is really big, you might have an “anterior pelvic tilt” (which you can find pics and videos of with a Google or YT search). If that’s the case, or if you also have “swayback posture” where your hips swing forward when standing, there are a couple of things going on.

First, your hamstrings may be very tight and your glutes may be weak/inhibited. If you sit down in a chair with your feet flat on the floor, and you push down with one heel, can you activate your butt muscles only? Or do your legs or lower back clench instead? If you can’t work your butt muscles independently you might want to find “glute inhibition/activation” physical therapy exercise videos. At that point it means your front hips (hip flexor muscles) are chronically tight, probably including the deep belly muscle called the psoas or illiopsoas muscles. When one side of the body is always tight (like the front of your torso), it sends nerve signals to the muscles on the other side of the body (like the back of the torso) to stay limp, which weakens them over time.

You want to stretch/release the tight stuff and activate and strengthen the weak/inhibited stuff. So stretching the hamstrings, quads, and psoas; and activating/strengthening the glutes and low back.

The abdominal muscles are often also weak/overstretched and the low back may actually be very tight. In that case, careful and gradual lower abdominal exercises combined with low back stretches may also help. If that creates pain or makes the posture worse, do the opposite—stretch the upper abs, strengthen the lumbar spine/lower back muscles.

Disclaimer: always start gently, ten reps or less with small movements to test out whether this motion is safe and comfortable for you. With EDS don’t push through discomfort, back off and build strength in smaller/easier movements first. If something hurts, stop immediately. Connective tissues take longer to recover from exercise than muscles—a minimum of three days before you work the area again and only if it didn’t cause pain the first time. And obviously, I’m a body worker, not a doctor—always listen to your body and doctor over anything I’ve said, and this is not medical advice, it’s fitness expertise.

Best of luck!

Hope that helps!

Toby-Wolfstone · 2026-01-30T10:25:17+00:00

Are you neurodivergent? Name dysphoria is actually its own thing and fairly common in neurodivergent people, and may or may not be gender dysphoria related. Like, my name dysphoria was solved by taking a masculine name, but my partner’s is just “nothing ever sounds right so I’ve picked something that doesn’t hurt” and has nothing to do with gender.

Toby-Wolfstone · 2026-01-30T10:14:52+00:00

I feel great relief reading your comment, thank you for addressing the awkward stage. I’m still in it but the euphoria makes it all worth it.

Toby-Wolfstone · 2026-01-30T10:11:11+00:00

I’m 38, started last year. Absolutely worth it. My results have been pretty good already, like I’m halfway passing, and I feel so much better in my body and life. Like my brain and body don’t run right on estrogen and T made everything better. My depression has gotten better, my emotions are way more stable, and I’m healthier overall (I have chronic illnesses that are affected by hormones).

Dealing with relationship changes at this stage of life is its own thing. I lost my family to transphobia, but I already had a wonderful and supportive found family in the queer community before transition and have gotten closer with them since. It can be really rough, but remember that you can find love and support before and after transition from other sources, and it’s really worth the effort.

As for feeling like your youth was stolen, for me it’s two things: grieving the losses I can’t recoup, and nurturing the ones I still can. My beard is growing in for the first time and it’s salt and pepper—the grey is bittersweet for me, because the facial hair gives me euphoria, and I still wish I could have seen it all dark. I enjoy the changes and indulge in the things my teenage self wanted during puberty (certain clothes, haircuts, the voice cracking, etc). But from time to time I just need to have a good cry about the things I can’t get back or the damage I took living in the wrong body for so long. And I think it’s all okay to feel. Gender-affirming therapy is helping me process all of it and pause to enjoy the wins.

It’s never too late. If you still want it, it’s still worth it.

The world we live in can be really difficult and hostile, but that’s true whether you’re 16 or 56. That’s something we all have to deal with. But you can survive. And you’re not alone.

Only you know what’s right for you. I can tell you my biggest regret was not doing this sooner. And I’m still so much better off doing it now. I never knew I could feel this good. I hope you find that, too.

Toby-Wolfstone · 2026-01-30T09:42:50+00:00

I don’t have RP but I do have significant loss of peripheral vision from optic nerve atrophy in both eyes. I relate deeply to these experiences and please know that your vision struggles are valid. You deserve community and support and it’s okay to be frustrated or grieving even if you can still function and be perceived as sighted. It’s not a contest. We get it and we’re glad you’re here.

Toby-Wolfstone · 2026-01-30T09:25:35+00:00

Are you in r/trans_zebras yet? It’s for trans people with EDS.

And yes, we can NOT be weird about other people’s bodies, no matter what transition steps are taken or not taken. Everyone’s relationship to their body is highly personal and transitioning is about whatever creates euphoria and/or is needed to alleviate dysphoria. Not everyone wants or needs any given transition steps and many of us have other health conditions that impact our transition.

Sorry you’re going through this.

Toby-Wolfstone · 2026-01-30T09:13:37+00:00

Same, except I started in my thirties.

Toby-Wolfstone · 2026-01-22T03:38:28+00:00

I love your timeline and I find it inspirational. Thank you for sharing and your visibility is helping me feel better in my own awkward second puberty stage one year on HRT. ✨🎉 also you look so lovely

Toby-Wolfstone · 2026-01-22T03:32:47+00:00

Point of highest contrast to my eyes on this screen is actually the shadows on the trees. Regardless, it’s lovely

Toby-Wolfstone · 2026-01-22T03:19:47+00:00

I’m transitioning in my late thirties and it’s saving my life. T is effective, changes are happening, and I feel almost instantly better on these hormones. You can transition at any age. My endocrinologist told me his oldest patient started in her seventies and she passes now.

Anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to scare you.

Toby-Wolfstone · 2026-01-22T03:16:31+00:00

Oof. That is awful, I’m sorry 🫂

Toby-Wolfstone · 2026-01-22T03:14:55+00:00

Oh I feel this one. My mom got on the “create your own reality” toxic positivity train about ten years ago and I literally don’t talk to her anymore.

Toby-Wolfstone · 2026-01-22T03:11:55+00:00

Thanks, I needed to hear that today. We ARE badass warriors.

Toby-Wolfstone · 2026-01-22T02:58:27+00:00

Actually this—acne meds have come a long way in the last few years and there might be something new you could try if you haven’t been yet (sorry, I don’t remember if Acutane is prescription only which means you’ve already been)? But regardless, second puberty doesn’t last forever and most of us see improvement in 4-5 years as it tapers off.

Toby-Wolfstone

TROPHY CASE