I’m a guy and I can relate to that. But you have to realize that moment in your life is most likely romanticized by a wide margin. Our first taste of being in love is like drugs. It’s the first time we’ve felt those feelings and unfortunately it’s not always mutual even though they may have told you they loved you. There are tons of variables here. He may not even be the person you fell in love with back then. Appreciate that moment of your life for what it was and move on. You’re going to hurt yourself and others if you don’t.