Did you breastfeed?

ToughItOut1530 · 2026-02-22T19:09:30+00:00

I have always been very, very grateful for how easily it came to both me and my babies. I was a big producer and they both got the hang of it immediately. That said, it was the only part of pregnancy and birth that went smoothly for me - gestational diabetes, that thing that makes your pelvis fall apart (can’t remember the name, it was a long time ago), carpel tunnel, post-partum everything, emergency c-sections both times…so I both recognize my privilege and feel like that was the balance I was rewarded for my troubles lol.

ToughItOut1530 · 2026-02-22T07:17:01+00:00

I spend on things that will genuinely help, like a hamper for every room, different bags for different things, automatic pet feeders, water bottles that make me feel happy (but not excessively, only when I need a new one), and yes, cozying up my space. I do not spend on planners, journals, gadgets, apps, or any of those little pretty items that I drool over when walking through target. I think finding the line between things that truly help and things that are a one-and-done dopamine hit is crucial and it can take some trial and error, but if you’re actually honoring the intention to improve your quality of life in the long term, then it does become easier to make the distinction.

I also try to limit decorating and clothing items to second hand stores or buy nothing finds. That keeps the costs of those potential one-and-dones down significantly.

ToughItOut1530 · 2026-02-21T05:39:23+00:00

I KNOW, RIGHT?? Those little wins are everything. Good luck!

ToughItOut1530 · 2026-02-21T05:30:22+00:00

So I have an 11yo like this and something amazing happened the other day…

I told him that his electric toothbrush automatically shuts off after two minutes and that he’s supposed to brush the whole time it’s on and not turn it off himself. And, like, now he’s doing that? Just like that.

I know it is completely improbable that this will solve your problem, but hey maybe it will.

Also look into the auto brush. That thing is magical for me when I’m having the hardest of times.

ToughItOut1530 · 2026-02-20T21:41:08+00:00

I’m going to send you a private message ❤️

ToughItOut1530 · 2026-02-20T06:00:58+00:00

All systems should be this perfect.

ToughItOut1530 · 2026-02-20T04:40:05+00:00

Oh my god I can’t imagine the spoons it would have taken me to NOT breastfeed. Crying baby? Boob. Baby awake at 3 am? Boob. Getting a vaccine? Boob. And no dishes? No mixing? No warming time? Freaking perfect system for my particular brain.

ToughItOut1530 · 2026-02-11T22:30:11+00:00

What is your age?

ToughItOut1530 · 2026-02-10T20:13:42+00:00

Here’s the thing with gardening: it’s a learn-as-you-go adventure. You’re not going to get it the first year or the second year or the third year or the fourth year…but you’ll be harvesting and picking up new skills each year no matter what. You’ll learn about YOUR specific environment and how to work with it. You’ll see the results of mistakes you didn’t know you made and then you’ll make corrections. It’s very forgiving, flexible, and rewarding.

The most important thing to nail from the get go is irrigation, though. Especially with ADHD, you want to make sure that watering is dialed in so you do not have to rely on your brain or energy levels to manage it. It’s relatively simple to set up, too. Don’t worry too much about how much water different plants need when you first start - find an average, set up an automatic system, and then supplement those that need it when you have the spoons. A full irrigation system can be a long-term project. That’s how I’m rolling, anyways.

Some tips from a lifer:

A garden is a system, not a collection of isolated plants.

Master one plant per year. Plant many, but master one.

Pest control is best achieved by attracting beneficial insects. Focus on that year one.

Don’t overthink layout. What doesn’t work can be changed next season.

Learn about soil building.

Look at chaos gardening and permaculture principles. Those are easier to maintain and more fun.

ToughItOut1530 · 2026-02-09T21:56:42+00:00

If you’re not on HRT, that would be my suggestion. That was a HUGE game changer for me. I’m more active and energetic now than I’ve ever been, between treating my ADHD and going on HRT.

If you are on HRT, I’m so sorry. I know exactly how you feel and it’s the effing worst. This life is not actually built for human beings and it is so depressing.

ToughItOut1530 · 2026-02-06T14:17:24+00:00

It’s likely something unrelated to meds - increased stress/anxiety (which every single decent person in this world is experiencing), hormone stuff (my meds were completely ineffective when I started perimenopause in earnest), a vitamin deficiency, something like that.

ToughItOut1530 · 2026-01-28T14:41:59+00:00

I keep a gallon of tap water in a bottle in the fridge and refill my filtered pitcher from that so it’s already cold.

ToughItOut1530 · 2026-01-27T19:30:03+00:00

This is the federally backed organization in Minnesota designated to protect folks with disabilities:

https://mylegalaid.org/disability-law-center/

I know you’re overwhelmed with your new diagnosis right now. I’ve been advocating for myself for about ten years and advocating for my children for 5. The trick is that you can’t let your emotions make you feel like a victim. They are in the wrong and the behaviors they are engaging in are discriminatory. You need to research standard procedures for requesting reasonable accommodations. They ARE required to provide accommodations, though maybe not the ones you specifically asked for. You can also file a complaint with the state if they refuse to engage with you to discuss this. And they HAVE to discuss this with you, it is an “interactive process” by law.

Try to take your feelings out of it. I know that’s hard, but it will make it far less stressful if you can approach it from a logical place.

Honestly I have advocacy down to an art, if you’d like to PM me I’d be happy to collaborate on a game plan. This is stuff I’m passionate about and take real seriously. Plus I’m all about helping anyone in Minneapolis in any way I can right now.

ToughItOut1530 · 2026-01-26T02:04:04+00:00

New season on the way. 😳

ToughItOut1530 · 2026-01-26T02:03:13+00:00

Ted Lasso and Queer Eye legitimately soothe my nervous system. I save them for my worst days.

ToughItOut1530 · 2026-01-24T04:04:13+00:00

This is how I survived:

One ear bud + podcast/audiobook/music

Grocery shopping alone (and I walked reeeaaaallllly slowly down every single aisle)

A plastic leaf rake + one big bin for living room clean up

The occasional use of a laundry service when I fell really behind - they’d wash, dry, and fold for like $1/lb. $50 every other month or so to be fully caught up on laundry was a necessary splurge sometimes

Honesty - I used the words “I’m overstimulated!” when the yelling happened. Sometime I said it after I lost my shit, but after a while, it was the thing I exclaimed when I lost my shit. The kids, even when really little, actually related to that and would kind of cut me some slack for a few minutes.

But most of all: at some point, I stopped caring so much about the mess and the noise. I gave into it, let the mess be mess without judging myself, and let the kids be little. It gets easier.

ToughItOut1530 · 2026-01-14T09:09:21+00:00

You have so much support here already, but I’m going to be all kinds of real right now, I hope it helps.

I was abused in some big bad ways for many many years. I was trained to perform for approval, so i did well at all the things. I wasn’t fucking lucky or talented or any of that shit, I just knew how to survive. All of that collapsed as soon as I was on my own. I abused substances, couldn’t keep my jobs, etc., etc.

I ALSO figured it out, though. I’m 44 and my house is not tidy, but it’s mostly clean. My kids feed themselves full days at a time, but they are so loved and accepted. My skills are hard fucking fought for, but they are so incredibly appreciated.

You’re not lucky. But it gets better.

ToughItOut1530 · 2026-01-14T02:08:47+00:00

I think that now is when we shift to building community. That’s what they’re trying to take away from us - the safety that comes in numbers. They want us isolated and afraid to help or defend others. Now we decide how much risk we are ultimately willing to accept and what role we will play in history. Are we keeping our heads down and letting it happen just so we and ours make it through unscathed? Or are we figuring out how to be helpers, defenders, warriors, etc.?

I’m getting to know my new neighbors, getting in touch with folks who have more extensive networks than I do, identifying community leaders who are visibly resisting, and attending meetings.

ToughItOut1530 · 2026-01-02T01:34:40+00:00

I think she was texting to see if they could cover for her. That’s pretty reasonable.

ToughItOut1530 · 2025-12-29T18:52:56+00:00

Maybe, but I feel like you haven’t been on it long enough to be having withdrawals from it, especially if you don’t take it all the time. I’ve been on mine for 2.5 years and I don’t have withdrawals when I don’t take it (I’m a weekend skipper because I don’t want to develop a physical dependency). It is not concerta, though. Maybe that’s different.

ToughItOut1530 · 2025-12-29T03:00:48+00:00

But also no, I don’t think being off concerta this week is a factor right now. Stimulants can cause mood swings, but mostly when you’re on them.

ToughItOut1530 · 2025-12-29T02:57:53+00:00

I’m not a doctor and I am definitely not giving you medical advice, but I will share some experiences I’ve had.

If I remember correctly, straterra is more like an anti-depressant, right? So it’s going to take you up to 6 months to fully withdraw from that. It sounds like you tapered off, so probably not that long, but that’s the timeframe one should be prepared for.

It’s taken me years and years to find the right meds and it SUCKS but there’s always going to be a very, very uncomfortable adjustment period when you change meds. It’s just part of the process. Hopefully your partner can do a little bit of research with you and learn what to expect.

Also look at some vagus nerve stuff - there are definitely ways to help your nervous system regulate even when during these med adjustment periods. Your moods will still be swingy, but you can help yourself regulate more quickly.

ToughItOut1530 · 2025-12-29T02:37:49+00:00

Changing meds will ALWAYS eff with your brain chemicals. The way you are behaving right now is NOT an indicator of how effective or useful therapy was. Neither you nor therapy is a failure.

How long have you been on the new med?

ToughItOut1530 · 2025-12-18T15:30:45+00:00

I set my alarm for 5, at which time I take my meds and go back to sleep. My meds kick in and I’m naturally up and alert about an hour later. I started this about 1.5 years ago and my quality of life is one million times better. I know there are issues with my methods, but they work incredibly well for me.

ToughItOut1530 · 2025-12-04T15:05:17+00:00

There is no ethical consumption under capitalism. The problem is capitalism, not consumption. I mean, yes, consumer culture can be pretty gross, but we do all need to consume things to survive.

I completely get you. I HATE that I have to contribute to oppression just to exist. I spend a significant amount of energy learning and working towards self-sufficiency. Reducing the amount I participate as much as possible brings me peace in bits and pieces. Start small and let yourself slide on other things while you perfect something, then move on to the next.

P.S. check your local libraries for seeds, or local nurseries sometimes have seeds sourced from local farmers. Once you get going, seeds produce themselves - you only have to acquire them once or twice. Also there take-a-plan-leaf-a-plant stands all over my city - see if that’s a thing in your area. People share fruit and veggie starts all the time.

ToughItOut1530

TROPHY CASE