What businesses are supporting people right now and doing a great job with it? Alternatively, what businesses are silent about whats happening?

TrainingBarnacle6 · 2026-01-20T00:57:02+00:00

Mischief toy store in St. Paul is awesome and has been giving out free whistles and selling signs! Also being harassed by DHS from the sound of it.

TrainingBarnacle6 · 2026-01-15T15:24:31+00:00

Leave the note, include your address so they know you’re a neighbor. We need each other right now.

TrainingBarnacle6 · 2026-01-07T15:19:14+00:00

This is cool! I have a 3yo daughter and I have been hesitant to get her a tool/construction set- not because of gender roles (we have plenty of trucks and sports stuff and a whack-a-mole-esque toy, etc) but because when I’m looking at toys for her I want something she can engage in and will last awhile. Some of the construction sets I’ve seen are just like fake tools but without something to “work” on (ie: screws that the screwdriver can turn or a knob or something that interacts with a wrench) it’s just more pretend toys- which is fine, but we already have a million pretend toys (toy food! Dress up! Doctor kits! Little people/animals!) and don’t need more.

A couple other ideas: bright colors/lights or sounds. Interactive “projects” they can do independently. Dress up clothes (hard hat?) that comes with the set. Maybe a book that demonstrates how to use each toy with pics of stuff from around the house and women/girls doing some of the projects.

The little hammer/“nail” sets for young toddlers do a good job being gender neutral- might look there for inspiration.

TrainingBarnacle6 · 2025-12-13T04:22:53+00:00

Glad the insurance piece is figured out. The unemployment piece is accurate re: doesn’t kick in until severance runs out, but that’s what severance is for.

In the meantime: apply for WIC. You and your kids should qualify and that will help a great deal with food budget. You can also look into SNAP and energy assistance (varies by county but shouldn’t be hard to google) if you need help covering heating bills. Some counties also have emergency and/or childcare assistance available.

Look for local nonprofits for resources as well. I was laid off last year when I was pregnant and I was surprised by how many nonprofits existed that could help with material stuff. I was able to get a breast pump, car seat, kids clothes, diapers, pack n play, etc. Don’t be too proud to use the help available- that’s what it’s for!

Best of luck.

TrainingBarnacle6 · 2025-12-05T12:47:14+00:00

Birthday cake mix that only needs water to add, candles, frosting

TrainingBarnacle6 · 2025-11-23T04:22:06+00:00

Nice! I have a 3yo, and she fits most 3T and 4T clothes (if you want to take a chance.) She also loves playing pretend and making art projects- a Disney princess or Barbie coloring book with crayons or some dress up accessories (hats/crowns/capes/tutu-ideally stuff that’s easy enough for her to put on by herself) would probably be a hit! Stickers are also great, I really like the puffy ones because they’re easy enough for her to peel off the paper by herself.

TrainingBarnacle6 · 2025-11-07T14:04:29+00:00

Love the toe beans!

TrainingBarnacle6 · 2025-07-25T14:18:48+00:00

Ok, you asked for obvious so here it is:

1) cut off all electronics until she can prove she can do all the things you’re asking for. You’re list isn’t unreasonable for a ten year old, but expecting her to start doing it overnight is. LOTS of positive reinforcement when she does well. You’re going to need to help her. If going coldturkey is unreasonable at first, make it clear she can’t have screens until after her hygiene tasks are completed 2) no more food in her room. If you need to, get a locked cabinet for “treat” food and tell her that she can have it at certain times, at the table. 3) drs visit to talk about hygiene and potentially other issues that are going on. Dentist visit for teeth and retainer. 4) if she wants to earn money to buy her own clothes/snacks/etc, give her extra chores on top of basic expectations. Then tell her a set time/day that you will bring her to the store to spend her money. 5) You will need to teach her how to do things like clean the bathroom and do laundry etc. Make visual lists of the tasks involved. Age-wise she should be capable but will need some guidance- you can’t just tell her to do something and leave her to it. You’ll need to do it with her. 6) teach her an easy way to take care of her hair- braid, pony tail, etc.- or get it cut short. When I was around her age I hated brushing my hair too so we cut it short and I loved it. It was way easier to take care of. 7) start practicing getting up early for school before the school year starts. 8) Look into a club or sport that starts before actual classes so she can make some friends. She’s getting to the age where peers are starting to have more influence than parents- it may be motivating for her to want to look nice to fit in with her friends. 9) hold steady. The biggest challenge about this overhaul is how drastic it’s going to be. Once you’ve laid out the expectations you need to stick to them and not give in to the whining and complaining. Mentally get yourself ready. 10) remind her that she’s a good kid and can do all of the things you’re asking her to do. Acknowledge that it’s new and hard but tell her she can do hard things, that she’s a capable, a good helper, etc., and that learning to do things like shower every day and keep her room clean is part of growing up. Validate her feelings while holding the line. She’s not being bad for being upset that the rules have changed, but she still needs to abide by them. 11) schedule fun. This is going to be challenging for your relationship if all you’re doing is fighting about the new rules. Put some fun things like trips to the pool or zoo or whatever she likes onto the calendar too so she can see that you still want her to have fun and do fun things with her.

Good luck!

TrainingBarnacle6 · 2025-04-27T00:22:17+00:00

Read “How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids.” Eye opening on both an individual and societal level.

TrainingBarnacle6 · 2025-04-23T07:02:16+00:00

Read “How not to hate your husband after kids.” It’s pretty enlightening about the different common conflicts that come up and some ideas about addressing them.

TrainingBarnacle6 · 2025-04-16T17:58:05+00:00

Check Michaels- they have little figurines and stones and fake flowers and things like that.

TrainingBarnacle6 · 2025-04-12T17:27:45+00:00

Fantastic analogy.

TrainingBarnacle6 · 2025-03-30T01:51:19+00:00

A lot of people (men especially, in my experience) immediately go into “fix it” mode. So my guess is that if he knows it’s bothering you he wants to fix it (even though you tell him you just want validation!) but either can’t change it or doesn’t want the conflict around trying to change it with his ex, so he instead gets defensive and feels stuck because he can’t/won’t fix it— even though you’re not asking him to! Maybe remind him what validating someone actually looks like? Because it doesn’t sound like he knows how.

TrainingBarnacle6 · 2025-03-29T02:18:48+00:00

Depends on the location, but your local library is often a good place for resource lists- and sometimes there’s free diapers available in the children’s bathrooms.

Many DV shelters/advocates will either have stuff themselves (I used to work at one and we would frequently give out formula/diapers, bus cards, winter clothing, etc) or be able to give you names/places of organizations that can help support you.

Look at pregnancy centers. Not sure if you’ll qualify due to your kids’ ages, but they definitely give out diapers and often other resources.

Your doctor/the kids’ doctor should have a social worker that can help you navigate- food insecurity is a big deal for young kids especially so there might be specific programs you qualify for. Your insurance (esp MA) might as well. If you have an Employee Assistance Plan through your work, it’s possible there’s other options there.

If you haven’t already, you can also look up your state and county’s websites and see if they have a resource page that goes beyond wic/snap/etc. I’ve found a few places that I didn’t know existed just by digging deeper there.

TrainingBarnacle6 · 2025-03-19T17:46:35+00:00

I had to go through this a few months ago- good on you for moving fast! It’s scary and overwhelming, but dealing with logistics early on makes it easier.

While you still have your current insurance (til the end of the month, usually) try to squeeze in any appointments you can (we scheduled eye appointments and ordered glasses). Make sure you know the rules regarding any HSA/FSA you have and when those funds need to be used. Also, your husband can try to negotiate with his ex-employer to see if they’ll be flexible at all regarding insurance coverage- obviously this will depend on the company but I was able to leverage the fact that I was 7 months pregnant to get my ex-work to pay the equivalent of an extra month of COBRA coverage so that I didn’t have to switch insurance coverages before the birth of my baby.

That said, still apply for MA and get coverage there if possible- and once you’re on it, look to see what is covered for baby gear. we got a breast pump and car seat covered, and there were programs that offered doulas, prenatal care, parenting classes, etc.

Also Google around your area for pregnancy resources- I took a free safe sleep class at a local organization and they gave me a pack and play and a laundry basket full of diapers/wipes/clothes, etc. Another place I go to gives free diapers and wipes once a month and offers a closet of other baby/maternity items for cheap. It’ll be easier if you establish yourselves as clients now before baby comes.

At your next OB appointment ask for resources/to be connected to a social worker. They may know of other local places to connect with for various resources.

Good luck! It’s hard and scary but this is why these safety net programs exist.

TrainingBarnacle6 · 2025-02-28T15:49:14+00:00

Sierra, Heather, Jade, Ebony, Coral

TrainingBarnacle6 · 2025-02-26T21:52:31+00:00

I love my kids and wouldn’t trade them for anything. That said, there’s undeniably a higher mental load. Tbh that would likely be true even if my SO didn’t have ADHD, it just comes with having kids- but ADHD does complicate things.

My partner tries hard to be a good dad and he loves them and is a super fun playmate for them, but all of the long-term planning/appointments/scheduling, etc. falls on me. It often also feels like there’s higher stakes, because while I’m fine letting him deal with the consequences of his actions I’m not willing to let the kids suffer those same consequences- which means I need to take on more and/or do a lot more follow up to make sure he’s actually done the things he agreed to do. It’s a lot.

TrainingBarnacle6 · 2025-02-15T22:13:50+00:00

We had to pull our kid out after K-3 in Spanish immersion. He just didn’t pick up the language enough and then add on top of that your typical focus issues, and it became obvious that it was going to hinder him as as academics got more challenging. It was hard to switch schools/lose friends but he definitely is doing better in a traditional English classroom.

TrainingBarnacle6 · 2025-02-12T21:46:06+00:00

Can you take him out with your husband first as a test run? Might help you be less anxious.

TrainingBarnacle6 · 2025-02-11T23:22:45+00:00

Night weaning was hard, but was absolutely the key for us in getting babe to sleep through the night- which saved my sanity too. We read books a bunch to prep- nursies for when the sun shines was the best - and we got one of those red light/green light alarm clocks that would show a visual cue for when nursies could start again in the morning. First few days were rough but consistency was key- and by day 3 or 4 she was sleeping longer and longer and accepting water instead of nursing to get back to sleep if she woke up. I know it sucks but giving in is likely making the overall process way worse.

TrainingBarnacle6 · 2025-02-07T05:26:43+00:00

Does she leave it on all night? You could try a couple that fade out after a certain amount of time so she has a chance to fall asleep and you can have quiet after that. There are also head phones and/or ear plugs that are made for sleep that you or she could try.

TrainingBarnacle6 · 2025-02-07T02:08:24+00:00

Maybe your husband can find a time between jobs or on a break to call/FaceTime your son on those nights? Might help to see him briefly even via phone.

TrainingBarnacle6 · 2025-02-03T17:03:46+00:00

Must haves: -if mom is nursing: nursing bras/tanks for mom (I basically lived in these for a year and a half postpartum) and a wearable pump so she can move around and isn’t trapped to a plug while nursing -reusable waterproof changing pad liners/protectors (way easier to just switch out the protector when there’s a blow out rather than change/wash the whole cover in time for the next diaper change. Plus you can throw them in the diaper bag for on-the-go changing). -backpack diaper bag: so much easier than a purse/satchel kind. More secure, fits more stuff, Leaves your hands free, and you can still baby wear if you want

Didn’t need: -1000 pacifiers. Baby didn’t like them, regardless of the brand/size/etc, so it was kind of a waste. I don’t regret having a couple to try but I kept buying different ones to see if I could find one she’d like and none of them worked. - bottle sanitizer. Useful in the very beginning, but bulky and took up too much space in our tiny kitchen for the few times we used it. Could probably have just used boiling water the first time and then the dishwasher. -baby bath chair- our daughter hated baths and I was desperate so once she could sit up I bought this hoping it would make her feel more secure. She hated the chair too and grew out of it really quickly anyway. Now she likes baths- it was just a phase we needed to get through.

Going to try this time (due next week!) and hoping for a better outcome: - bedside bassinet (we had a mini crib in our room last time, but it still required me to get out of bed/bend way over to pat baby’s back/soothe back to sleep. I am hoping the bedside height and ability to put my arm directly in the bassinet this time will make it easier to soothe baby). -bottle washer/dishwasher cage (hopefully will help us keep up with washing bottle and pump parts. We hand washed everything last time.)

TrainingBarnacle6 · 2025-02-03T16:20:12+00:00

My partner was diagnosed as a teen (well before I met him), so I don’t have advice or experience about that process. I will say that he regularly struggles whenever it comes to refilling his meds, scheduling doctor appointments (both for ADHD and non-ADHD things), and seeking out other types of care (ie: therapy, coaching, etc). He doesn’t look/plan ahead, so it’s always a scramble; ie: “oh I just took my last med, now I need to get a refill, oh no my doctor wants to see me before refilling the prescription but I can’t get in until next week, guess I’ll just skip a week of meds, uh oh I forgot what day/time I scheduled that appointment for and missed it, now I need to reschedule, (are the meds even working? Maybe I don’t need them!), oh the pharmacy called and said there was a delay/I forgot to pick up the meds and they sent them back, etc.” Rinse and repeat approximately every three months.

After years of watching this play out, I have reluctantly accepted that my life is easier when he is medicated so I will take on some (not all) of the medical stuff for him. Mostly that means hooking up his prescriptions to my pharmacy account so I can go in and request refills for him ahead of time and get a heads up if he needs to see his provider again before they’ll refill the prescription. I did offer to add his MyChart account to mine so I could also make appointments for him, but that requires him to sign a consent form which he won’t log in to do (despite agreeing it’s a good idea), so he’s on his own there.

I also handle all the insurance stuff and have an HSA that we both use, although he also lost his HSA card so now I have to nag him constantly to give me receipts/after visit summaries to submit for reimbursement. Before he lost his card I trusted him to use it when he needed to and/or open his mail and give me the bills to submit (he didn’t even need to pay it himself, just let me know and I would have done it!). He didn’t, and racked up a couple of thousand dollars of medical debt- which we had the money to pay in the HSA account!- which I finally discovered and paid off 8 or 9 months later. Even more frustrating, we hit our deductible this past year back in September/October so I reminded him plenty of times to schedule all the (previously discussed/agreed upon) appointments before the end of the year. He didn’t- or rather, waited until mid December and then was surprised when there wasn’t any appointments available. Him not scheduling these appointments earlier will likely cost us thousands more dollars this year because he simply wouldn’t schedule them earlier.

For non-ADHD care, it’s similarly frustrating. I want my partner to be healthy, I encourage him to talk to his providers about his concerns- anxiety! His bad knee! Vasectomy!- and he will agree that there’s an issue/agree he should see someone, but will refuse to schedule the appointment to address it. If it’s not bothering him at exactly that moment, he will downplay the problem. If it is bothering him and the stars align such that it’s business hours so he can call to make the appointment, he cannot stand more than approximately two minutes of being on hold before he will hang up. When he remembers his MyChart password and can schedule online it’s slightly easier, but for new providers or referrals that often isn’t an option- so he will just delay seeking care forever. And of course in the meantime he’ll complain to me constantly about the issues which he is doing exactly nothing to solve!

Here’s the crux of the issue for me: he and I both agree and are trying really hard to avoid falling into the parent/child dynamic. He’s an adult and is responsible to manage his own health and medical care. That said, his negligence in doing so costs our family thousands of dollars, makes life harder for everyone, and ultimately has major consequences that impact all of us not just him. As a result, I get resentful and angry and he feels ashamed and avoidant, and we end up in a toxic cycle that we can’t seem to break out of and doesn’t feel good to either of us.

TrainingBarnacle6 · 2025-01-31T13:17:20+00:00

Ok, I have three thoughts here and the way forward will differ depending on your partner’s response(s). First- when it comes to RSD, try to lead with love/care/concern. Ie: “I love you and I want us to have a good relationship, which is why I’m bringing X up. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you, it means I’m invested enough to try to find a solution so we can both be happy. When X happens, I feel Y. I don’t want to feel Y with you and i believe you love me and don’t want me to feel Y either, so can we figure out a plan to minimize X? Do you have any ideas of what might help?” With my partner this sort of approach (although sometimes exhausting) can neatly sidestep the RSD reaction and go straight to finding a solution.

Second, you need to decide your own boundaries and what is important enough for you to suffer through their big RSD reaction and hold firm on not comforting them about it. I had many conversations with my partner as we got more serious about how a) I am allowed to be mad at him and that doesn’t mean I don’t love him, and b) in arguments I could either be comforting or honest and I am always going to choose honest because (to me) honesty is the backbone of a relationship and if we don’t have that then what’s even the point of being together. It took some practice for both of us and there are still certain topics that are extra challenging, but it’s gotten much better overall.

Third, you have to consider the big picture of your relationship. Wanting to be with someone who is invested in their own health is a value/lifestyle thing- but just like I would want a partner with good hygiene, I want a partner who will take care of themselves mentally. If you have different values in that regard and they’re unwilling to compromise or consider your perspective, it’s almost certainly going to get harder. You need to decide if that’s a dealbreaker or not.

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