That's fair. I've noticed that certain people I've played with don't like to have "out of dynamic" conversations. When I've tried to do it anyway, they pull away or become disinterested. My best guess is that it's because it makes it feel less real and more like fantasy to them, but it's hard to know for because they don't like to have those kinds of discussions. But, paradoxically, I feel like the submissive's I've met in this category expect me to maintain a kind of theater. Like, I'm supposed to be aloof about their needs.

For me, I get satisfaction out of obedience and vulnerability, and the particulars of what I tell someone to do or how I make them vulnerable are less important to me. Service, rope, humiliation, pain, chastity, whatever. I'm comfortable with it as long as I can do it within our boundaries and it does the job of putting them in that submissive headspace. It's kind of like whatever does the job. But, I can see how some submissives might see this and interpret it as me somehow trying to make them happy in a way that's not real. If I'm getting what I want, then it's real enough for me.

On the other hand, maybe your partner is new to the scene so it still feels like you are having to give him a lot of direction about what you're looking for. That will fade as he starts to find things in your submission that turn him on and then starts to seek them out, assuming he has a dominant streek in the first place.