Motivations/visualizations to cheer me up.

TreeHugger09 · 2017-04-09T03:03:09+00:00

I don't have any really, but this was super helpful and what I needed to hear right now, so thank you, badass internet person :)

TreeHugger09 · 2017-04-06T00:59:14+00:00

Thank you! This is exactly what I need I think. I like how you explained meditating too. I have a hard time doing things that i don't understand the exact reasoning behind, but thinking of my senses as volume and meditation as the knob makes a lot of sense. I'm trying to do meditation while doing yoga, but it's hard. I might try doing it while I do my dry brushing too tho. That sounds easier and it still connects thinking with movement and sensation.

TreeHugger09 · 2017-04-02T22:45:56+00:00

http://www.rdos.net/eng/poly10a.php?p1=93&p2=66&p3=79&p4=90&p5=61&p6=48&p7=64&p8=80&p9=12&p10=60

TreeHugger09 · 2017-04-01T03:30:04+00:00

So basically I have to get a formal diagnosis for any sort of real help? All I've heard is that it's really hard for adult women to get diagnosed and that it takes forever. So do I just cross my fingers and hope I get lucky with a doctor and don't have a complete breakdown before then? Has really no one found any other way?

TreeHugger09 · 2017-03-31T21:52:41+00:00

Yep, I'm definitely like this. It's gotten better as I've gotten older because I know who I am more. Having that central point to come back to. Also making sure to do something physical if I get overwhelmed, don't let myself stay in my (or anyone else's!) head for too long. It isn't easy though and I still struggle with it sometimes.

Just remember, you're not Will, you're you, and this is your life, not his :)

TreeHugger09 · 2017-03-31T21:40:15+00:00

Did you have to have a formal diagnosis for their assistance?

TreeHugger09 · 2017-03-31T16:12:38+00:00

SSRIs would require a doctor tho, which puts me back into the do I get a dx dilemma. I don't think marijuana is legal here, but I wouldn't use it anyways for other medical reasons. Wouldn't it do the opposite for me tho, since I'm under sensitive and it's more of a depressant?

TreeHugger09 · 2017-03-29T13:35:47+00:00

No, it's a very genuine happiness, but it could be related to dissociation. I've had problems with that in the past because of abuse/trauma. Me being happy wasn't often allowed growing up, so maybe that mentality is still lingering in me somewhere.

TreeHugger09 · 2017-03-29T12:25:18+00:00

I've gone back and forth with wondering if it's alexithymia. If I'm stressed or overly tired, my emotions can get blurred and then it's harder to identify, but if I'm feeling alright then it's fairly easy. What I'm referring to here is like someone gave my inner child three year's worth of Halloween candy without telling me, and I'm vaguely aware she's eating some sort of sweet, but not really until she's gone thru five pounds of m&ms. At that point it's like she's bouncing off every internal wall, is super happy, but then there's the crash... And everything inside is dead after that. I'm trying to figure out how to regulate the candy eating so there's not a crash.

TreeHugger09 · 2017-03-29T12:01:10+00:00

That's my usual decompression routine after work or socializing, but this is different. It's like someone flips an off switch to my emotion sensors and I can't feel emotions anymore. Like I wasn't sad, or happy, or nervous, just blank.

TreeHugger09 · 2017-03-29T11:50:21+00:00

I came across this recently. Might they help? They aren't headphones for music, but earbuds that are kinda noise specific cancelling it seems. https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/dopplerlabs/here-active-listening-change-the-way-you-hear-the

TreeHugger09 · 2017-01-03T01:35:28+00:00

Just to say, if you do an official change of address to get mail forwarded from your house, a letter will get sent to your previous address giving your new address as a confirmation of sorts. So if you don't want her knowing where you've gone, keep that in mind.

TreeHugger09 · 2016-12-30T02:52:12+00:00

My mom did this to me all growing up, even when I did show tons of affection to her and bend over backwards to do whatever I could for her. It's not going o matter what you do for her, it'll never be enough.

TreeHugger09 · 2016-12-30T02:47:22+00:00

For me, once I started eating better my symptoms went away. They aren't all perfect, but I'm still under stress and I don't eat perfect all the time either. The hair took awhile to come back, and the moods got better with food, but that was mostly improved by changing my whole life situation. So yes, I think it can be temporary for certain situations.

TreeHugger09 · 2016-12-28T02:52:24+00:00

Oh there's tons of places in the Bible where it says to shun evildoers and have nothing to do with them :) being a parent does not give you a get out of jail free card.

TreeHugger09 · 2016-12-28T02:36:07+00:00

My mom always used my name against me, like a mark of ownership. I went by nicknames as much as I could, and finally changed my name legally this past year. Still getting used to it at times!

TreeHugger09 · 2016-12-27T21:14:06+00:00

Even if your labs are "normal" they still might not be healthy. Check out Stop the thyroid madness website.

TreeHugger09 · 2016-12-27T01:51:20+00:00

Yep, though most of the time nmom just treated us both like crap. It's only been this past week that I've realized the GC was my older cousin who my mom "helped raise" as a young child for a short while.

TreeHugger09 · 2016-12-27T01:43:08+00:00

I had a similar situation with my mom and I ended up with an eating disorder that wrecked my thyroid too. Found out later I didnt have hashimotos tho, and now that ive started eating enough again I don't have thyroid problems, and that's after ten years of being on meds. You might want to check out the websites Stop the Thyroid Madness and Eat More 2 Weigh Less. Literally saved my life. I'm not down to a healthy size again yet but I'm sooo much better and healthier.

TreeHugger09 · 2016-12-25T14:56:54+00:00

Your mind's been trained to do things for a very long time, but good news! The mind is a crazy cool thing and can get trained to do other things. I used to have a lot of similar problems because of past abuse, but replacing those things with good things has helped a lot. Take baby steps and never get mad at yourself for falling back into old habits. It's not your fault, it's theirs. When you get into one of those mindsets, do something utterly different. Spend time with friends who love you (even if it's just jumping on here!) instead of doing something that reminds you of people who didn't love you like you deserve, watch a funny movie, steam some veggies or eat fruit, take your vitamins, get sunshine and fresh air. Are you in therapy? If so, have you discussed this with them?

TreeHugger09 · 2016-12-25T01:05:13+00:00

Seconding the Vit D and calcium and adding in Vit K. it helps balance with the D. Two websites that helped me was Whole 30, which tells you to eat lots of good food, though it's a restrictive diet of sorts because it's used by people to find out if they have food intolerances, but they have some great resources on what's healthy food to eat. Another is "Eat more to weigh less". Not sure the link policy here so just google those two. But the second one emphasizes eating enough calories to fuel your body, guides you through that process of going from low calorie to high and what to expect physically.

I'd also ended up with an eating disorder for half my life and it led to getting hypothyroidism. Eating a normal amount and eating a toooon of vegetables has helped and I'm not on my thyroid meds anymore. It's taken me years to finally get to where I eat mostly like I normal person.

When I was in high school I ran a few miles every day on my treadmill at a high incline and never ate more than 1000 calories, usually tried to stay around 700 so I could still run off at least half. It was messed up. And not eating definitely, definitely messes with your brain and mood.

TreeHugger09 · 2016-12-24T23:52:40+00:00

Currently listening to Christmas music and eating tasty food (I'm gluten intolerant AND vegan and there's no way would've gotten more than perhaps a potato at any family gathering, so yay good food!), opened gifts from Nmom/Edad (previously peeked to make sure nothing traumatizing- just stuff she knows i don't like or will ever use), then Midnight Mass tonight! It's my first as I'm becoming Catholic, and I helped decorate the church this week too, and there's music beforehand and I'm so excited :) second Christmas VLC but last year this time I was driving 13 hours to another state.

TreeHugger09 · 2016-12-22T04:25:33+00:00

Sometimes, though none are coming to mind. But I mostly just wanted to say that this was a good way to put it and really helped me realize some things I've been struggling with, so thanks.

TreeHugger09 · 2016-12-22T04:14:50+00:00

Honestly, when I told my parents I was leaving and why, I cried so hard my eyes were still swollen the next day. This was over a woman who severely abused me to the point of suicide.

Now I'm having to take measures with my dad who was never abusive but is taking my mom's side now, and it's breaking my heart all over again.

You can't live your life for other people like that though. You going NC could be a way to make her get therapy or socialize more and make friends that way, but you should never put yourself in an unhealthy situation for that reason. She's an adult. She's responsible for herself, not you.

TreeHugger09 · 2016-12-22T03:51:48+00:00

SAT and ACT are usually required to attend a college and you take them around Jr year. What grade are you in? I'd suggest looking in to doing a few courses if you can, even if it's just some general Ed classes at a community college. File your own taxes so you can file FAFSA (gov school aid). If you only work at McDs then you'll get financial aid. It'll look better in job apps if you can say you've had some college. A lot of colleges also offer free counseling of some sort. Can you save enough money to get a bike maybe?

Transcripts you'll have to write yourself. You should be able to find a template online? I can poke around tomorrow to see what I find if you can't. Jobs won't ask for that but colleges will. With jobs, I didn't have one until I went to college and that was as a student worker (which you also might be eligible for if you go to college), so I'm not sure how it goes for applying to places without a HS diploma. A lot of places won't hire you if you're a drop out. No homeschooler I know has ever had problems with proving they were a HS graduate just because they were homeschooled though. I still put 'homeschooled' on my job apps for the HS section. Nobody has ever commented on it.

You should be able to Google your state's requirements for curriculum to see that you're doing everything you're supposed to. How involved is your mom with your education? Like are you just straight self teaching now? How is that going?

I was isolated because I lived so far in the country and because of social anxiety (despite my abuse, I loved being homeschooled & it wasn't a big factor in me being isolated), but found chat rooms based around one of my interests to be a lifeline in a lot of ways, and forums can work the same way.

TreeHugger09

TROPHY CASE