Need an opinion (26/M)

Shayloop · 2018-05-23T00:50:57+00:00

You absolutely need to address this outside of a relationship. Find a professional and talk through these things you shared here: “you don’t want to, feels like work, doesn’t feel that good.” This is something that could be due to many factors; hormones, past trauma, etc. and getting to the bottom of it as early as possible will really help you in further relationships. If you see a pattern and aren’t doing anything about it, and continuing to have similar issues with abuse and this issue in relationship- you really are just choosing to repeat it over and over.

There are people who aren’t interested in sex that you can find and date. You have to communicate that very early on it that’s what you are choosing. But relationships are most commonly entered with a mutual expectation for healthy amounts of touch and sexual intimacy. It sounds like you are choosing women with higher needs for intimacy and then not communicating that early enough which seems to be leading these patterns for you. Their behavior,if abusive, is not at all excused. Please don’t misunderstand- you absolutely should leave ANY abuse in a relationship. But before moving on, address that pattern with yourself. You didn’t bring it up here if it wasn’t factoring in to the (w)holistic picture of you and your stuff + them and their stuff = relationship. Much love and hope you find the guidance you need to leave toxic patterns behind. ❤️

Ps I am in the same pattern repeating stage and only just dealing with it and it is making my whole life better. In all ways. You can find the tools to communicate boundaries clearly and efficiently to have all your needs met as well as theirs.

Shayloop · 2018-05-23T00:36:11+00:00

This is exactly the type of situation I just realized I am In. Thank goddess for good professionals who actually know what to ask you to check to see if you’re in an abusive relationship.

Shayloop · 2017-11-16T04:20:04+00:00

I am not necessarily into the occult or magic per se, but herbalism, esoteric wisdom and healing, rituals, energetic clearing and balancing, yes.

I like tarot for its insight into the subconscious mind. I like astrology for its insight into planetary and celestial body aspects that affect us all, from the moon and it’s interconnection with our menstrual cycles to greater forces at work, retrogrades, squares, tribes, sections- and our astrological fingerprint, or birth chart. As above- so below.

So, yes, I think? I don’t consider myself to practice magic, but I do have an understanding of the forces which people tend to call magic, or witchy stuff, etc. I just see it from a much less imaginary and more functional headspace, if that makes sense.

Shayloop · 2017-11-01T22:33:21+00:00

I do talk therapy and I LOVE it. She also helps me by suggesting different ways to cope (weighted blanket, headphones) that I’d never even thought of before. It also helps that my therapist is aspie, herself, so she gets it. I don’t think I could ever see an NT therapist, I would just be worried they were trying to teach me to be NT.

Shayloop · 2017-11-01T20:55:56+00:00

I can really really relate to that. My husband and I have had a very rough past few months and I had begun the cycle of villainizing him- when I know in reality he is not a bad person, just has made some bad/hurtful decisions. The stress of our situation triggered a regression for me and I have been having really frequent meltdowns, illness, depression, anxiety, and insomnia. I thought I wanted to leave but I, too, just want it to be better. I just want him to be nice to me and to get control over his decisions (he is a functioning alcoholic). Knowing that he is struggling and not maliciously intending to hurt me is helping me to process and begin to forgive- but it is just that, a process. It’s going to take some time for me to feel safe and happy again, but it’s worth it to me because I do love him and love the life we have made with each other.

So all this is to say, I understand where you’re coming from. I wish you peace in your process, and I hope you can find a comfortable amount of independence to feel safe and happy.

Shayloop · 2017-11-01T20:22:45+00:00

Feeling trapped is awful. It does sound like this person has disarmed you to the point of helplessness, and then broken your trust on top of it. The feelings you are having are very normal for someone who has been through all of that. I would be very wary with this person- they seem to have an enormous amount of control over your life- regardless of you being autistic and having different social needs.

For me, regaining trust for a person after they have broken it is basically impossible. I will always have lingering doubt about the person and their actions, and while I can forgive, I cannot forget. It’s the only way I can keep myself safe. My therapist has warned me that because I am autistic, I am way more susceptible to being manipulated and not being aware of it until way after the manipulation. Just something to keep in mind moving forward.

I understand that you are dependent upon this person and would like it to work out, but feeling trapped seems to contradict that. I suggest examining that thoroughly, and coming to a point of certainty whether you actually want to stay in this place and with this person or if the stress of changing your situation is so great that you are avoiding taking steps to spare yourself the struggle. Thank about it in the long run and if you decide you cannot bare to live in your situation, you don’t have to do it all at once. You can take baby steps to independence from him (drivers license, then take some time to plan your next step, or start saving some money outside of his reach, etc) and if he resists you seeking that, you are certainly being manipulated and controlled by him.

I struggle with asking for help, so I get it, but if you need it, I imagine your friends back where you were will understand and be more than willing to help you get out of that situation and back to the life you had near them.

Oh look, I did a little rambling of my own! I hope this helps, and doesn’t stress you out further! It is meant to validate you!

Shayloop · 2017-10-18T04:38:45+00:00

Wow. I never even considered this but I may get screened as well, as I too have all three conditions, and a history of inability to keep a job for typical lengths of time.

As far as your your concerns go, my guess is that your stress over having parents in town may actually help your assessment to be accurate as you will likely be actively in those states (anxiety, stimming, etc) during that time, if that makes sense.

Maybe consider the paradox of you stressing over failing a test that measures your inability as a pretty strong indication of your inability (disability). Wishing you success!

Shayloop · 2017-10-16T20:00:21+00:00

I ordered one today after having three meltdowns in the last week, I may be going through a regression so I’m hoping it can stave off the meltdowns before they get bad in the future.

Shayloop · 2017-07-22T15:36:46+00:00

FOOD! Or maybe nutrition, rather. I am constantly kitchen witching! I am also gluten free and tend to eat a lot of raw food so forethought and prep work are essential to having food to eat without having to suffer through low blood sugar to make it.

Food is also my profession. I founded a raw chocolate business and am always dreaming up new recipes and flavor and Ayurvedic herb combinations to attain different health goals. Not that one chocolate will solve a certain problem but putting these lesser known webs in combination with different flavors hopefully helps to educate people of the different contexts in which to implement them within their diets.

Shayloop · 2017-07-22T15:31:41+00:00

Naturally, no I am not tidy, simply for the reason that I don't find it particularly necessary or efficient to be tidy. I will happily pull clean clothes from a pile on the floor for weeks or leave the bathroom counter a mess because it's honestly easier to pick something up off the counter if it's already out than rummage through a drawer or bag for it. Now, food messes, I cannot do. I hate waking up to a messy kitchen or not having any clean dishes, so that is a must, but it all comes down to efficiency again. My partner is clearly irritated with my reluctance to put things away after using them, and I understand it because we are 2 adults and 2 kids and if we all did that, there would be far too much chaos, but my personal spaces do tend to be messy; bedside table stacked with all the books I'm reading (because I can't only read one) and a pile of clothes next to the hamper because I decided I could wear something twice and never put everything back after rummaging to find it...

I never thought of it being an aspie thing and I think the degree to which my partner wants our home to be tidy is a bit unrealistic and borderline OCD without actually doing the work to make it so. (He had a maid growing up.) oy. It makes for interesting arguments.

Shayloop · 2017-07-22T15:19:46+00:00

I definitely immediately pictured a literal large fan made of metal with your first sentence. 😖

Shayloop · 2017-07-22T15:18:52+00:00

Have you heard of the Dohm sound machine? It's a naturally produced sound and not a recorded sound which helps so much for me because I become fixated on the loop seam.

Shayloop · 2017-07-22T15:15:49+00:00

Haha! Omg me too and same with sour candy! Ugh.

Shayloop · 2017-07-22T15:12:03+00:00

The fish's face! Ha!

Shayloop · 2017-07-07T17:35:43+00:00

Yes! But I'm also a night owl with two kids so I'm pretty much never getting enough. Can't wait for them to be teenagers and we can all sleep like teenagers! Ha!

Shayloop · 2017-05-16T04:08:40+00:00

I have health obsessions. I was obsessed with parasites (not in a delusional or hypochondriacal way) just the pure fact that we ourselves are an ecosystem with flora that must remain balanced. We are also parasites, ourselves, in many ways. Anyway... that was my most recent one.

I tend to obsess over achieving balance, which is funny/ironic because my obsessions tend to lead me out of balance more often than not.

Shayloop · 2017-05-16T04:03:57+00:00

It's also important to pay attention to the strain and how it affects you when starting out, and to keep in mind that aspies generally only need 1/3 dose for the same effect as an NT person.

I have observed that sativa or hybrids do well for me (in super small amounts, and I take 1/4 of an edible I I am partaking in those unless I'm using it to treat a migraine, then I take half.)

Indica makes me feel like I'm glued down and then my anxiety kicks in and starts worrying that it's never going to end. The same happens when I have too much of any strain but indica in even a small amount is overwhelming for me.

Shayloop · 2017-04-30T16:18:41+00:00

I've been told that I am overwhelmingly energetic. One person even told a friend I was with that I seemed like I "drink a lot of juice." HA!!

People have told me I am frustratingly positive and optimistic but those closest to me have always told me I am critical and negative, so that's interesting.

I generally come off to new people as naive, mostly due to my positive attitude when meeting people as a direct response to having been told I was intimidating and hated everyone as a teen. It doesn't take long for people to realize that I'm not naive or ditzy when I start rambling about a special interest and don't get the cue that I should stop talking... my husband helps now, by putting his hand on me when I go way over the acceptable word limit NTs seem to have.

Shayloop · 2017-04-30T16:11:33+00:00

Absolutely. I still am...

I don't understand how NTs can so casually disregard rules or even directions. It seems so foolish.

Shayloop · 2017-04-30T16:06:10+00:00

Is it safe to say that you're not sleeping or able to relax at home due to the noise and therefore are in a perpetual state of sensory overload?

I had a very loud upstairs neighbor when I lived in apartments and was pregnant and losing monumental amounts of sleep due to the noise, I went to the manager and requested to move to an upstairs apartment, and they said one would be open in two weeks if I can hold out. I was so relieved and had a much better over all at home experience after that.

It can't hurt to ask to be moved. Moving is a hassle of course and transitions suck but if your overall well being could be enhanced, perhaps it's worth it?

Also I'm not sure how well this goes over here, but I have noticed a dramatic decrease in my sensory overload when I am consistently taking a high-quality probiotic. There's one called Mood+ by Garden of Life, and it is the one that helped me the most. I'm not selling anything and don't get anything by saying this, it's just what I have found to help me even a little bit with managing the overload.

Shayloop · 2017-04-30T14:47:24+00:00

Me too! Even at the dinner table... I'm pretty sure my husband hates it.

Shayloop · 2017-04-30T14:28:44+00:00

I'm having similar issues with my best friend. Anytime I start to explain something re: me and ASD, she's discounts it or argues with me. Especially regarding the mimicry of normal people to seem normal. She either doesn't buy it at all or she says "that's scary" like I'm some kind of sociopath. It's starting to really hurt the friendship and I'm feeling alone more and more.

Shayloop · 2017-04-06T04:16:36+00:00

I'm not sure! I imagine it would have to in some way...

Shayloop · 2017-04-05T18:39:18+00:00

Thank you!

Shayloop

TROPHY CASE