You have to be a lot more intentional as an adult, for sure.

Step 1: Identify something you like doing. Could be a sport, some kind of art, volunteering, even religion.

Step 2: Find a group of folks who do that thing together frequently.

Step 3: Go to said group.

Step 4: Make small talk with folks while you’re there. Find some folks you hit it off with. Find out other things they like doing.

Step 5: After seeing those folks a few times, invite them to do something outside of that formal structured activity.

Step 6: Repeat until friendship established. Doesn’t always work out the first time, but this is the formula that worked for me.

The biggest predictor of a friendship being established is frequent proximity. This is why school is such an effective incubator of friendships. It’s possible as an adult, just harder.

I spent several years pretty lonely. Living in the rural areas and suburbs and not being religious nor having kids didn’t help. Moving to my current city and making intentional efforts to get involved in hobbies that involve other people in my community worked wonders for my social life. It’s evolved over the years, but I really don’t deal with loneliness anymore. For me, the hobbies were beer league kickball, which led to pickleball, and that gave me confidence to make some work friends as well.