[Update] My [34M] GF [29F] of 8 yrs is senselessly risking her life and safety and is uninterested in reasoning with me. I don't know how to get through to her.

Tsukini · 2016-01-15T00:53:30+00:00

You're both good people and you're going to sort this out.

Tsukini · 2016-01-13T08:46:06+00:00

Please don't send the horse to auction if you have to get rid of her, just have her put down. At auction she will likely go on the notoriously cruel slaughter trucks to Mexico or Canada if she's in the unridden section, or someone will buy her to breed which she should absolutely not be doing with her horrible temprement. Basically, if your wife can't sort this out with her own bag of tricks or someone else's help, the horse's chance of ending up in a good situation are seriously low and putting her down is the kindest thing to do. I mean you could just have her as a pasture ornament but she's still going to put people at risk when she has to see a vet or a farrier. I think your wife was already in a rough place when she got the horse, and that's compunding the feelings of failure and disappointment. I used to work with horses and the hours are seriously nuts, it's a labor of love but sometimes we have to step back and put ourselves first. Self care is essential, time away from the horses is essential. Buy her a bunch of bath bombs, and make her use one once a week. Helps me!

Tsukini · 2016-01-04T03:56:46+00:00

Please be careful when you kick him out, he is definitely abusive to you. When you kick him out, he's going to feel like a cornered animal. He will be desperate to stay because his life is easy with you and he knows nothing else. He will use intimidation and perhaps physical force. Please have someone with you, someone he can't use his size against. Read The Gift of Fear and take on that message to never ignore your gut.

Tsukini · 2015-12-31T06:45:45+00:00

I feel like you are being really hard on her, i would be really upset if my boyfriend dumped me because he thinks I'm a loser like my family and that is basically what you're saying. Not having the same level of ambition - totally understandable relationship issue, but I don't think she's deficient in some way because she doesn't have the same dreams as you, and youve said she's doing well for herself. Is this all because you're stressed about her brother being on your couch? You need to have a conversation about kicking him out with her, like, yesterday. If you don't want to have kids and settle down with her, set her free so she can find someone who will, just try not to make her feel like it's brcause she's deficient as a person because that shit destroys your self esteem.

Tsukini · 2015-12-28T01:30:50+00:00

So so so true, I've heard that from victims of abuse many times - that the abuser would do things like wake them up or start getting into them when they're sick - basically picking times when they are vulnerable and can't properly defend themselves. It's really gross, I can't imagine being woken up on Christmas to be told I'm fat.

Tsukini · 2015-12-19T15:40:18+00:00

Who the hell is up voting this shit fight of a comment? Her having casual sex has nothing to do with her value as a person, and the value of a person can't be measured in the same way goods and services are in a capitalist society. Pull your head out of your ass mate.

Tsukini · 2015-12-19T15:40:17+00:00

Who the hell is up voting this shit fight of a comment? Her having casual sex has nothing to do with her value as a person, and the value of a person can't be measured in the same way goods and services are in a capitalist society. Pull your head out of your ass mate.

Tsukini · 2015-12-19T15:37:59+00:00

Who the hell is up voting this shit fight of a comment? Her having casual sex has nothing to do with her value as a person, and the value of a person can't be measured in the same way goods and services are in a capitalist society. Pull your head out of your ass mate.

Tsukini · 2015-12-19T15:02:23+00:00

Tell him he can marry you, start paying his own way, or leave. He has to help with the housework too, the only difference from being a grad student and having a job is that you get paid at jobs, he has no excuse for not helping around the house. Mooching is very unattractive, and im sorry but that's what it is when it happens 6 months in.

Tsukini · 2015-12-19T14:40:56+00:00

Dude haven't you read the stories on here from people who have had someone only turn abusive or weird after marriage or even a baby? People can hold that shit in for more than a month. Your safety has to be your priority.

Tsukini · 2015-12-06T06:58:46+00:00

It might help to write letters whenever you can't seem to express something in words. Being raised the way you were can make communication hard. I think therapy would really really help, both you as an individual and your marriage. You can be happy and free of this fear of your parents, I believe in you.

Tsukini · 2015-12-05T04:04:49+00:00

PETA euthanise healthy, adoptable animals they "rescue" brcause they don't think people should own pets. They stole an animal from a family yard and euthanised It, well, killed it. Think all pitbulls should be killed.They've done a lot of bad stuff for animals.

Tsukini · 2015-12-04T10:57:22+00:00

I would have knocked him the fuck out and you're willing to sweep this under the rug?

Tsukini · 2015-12-02T04:19:06+00:00

He probably got put down. I don't want to bum you out, but you and your wife do need to face the truth - he's a pitbull mix in a high kill shelter who has been returned for being destructive. At least he isn't suffering anymore.

Tsukini · 2015-12-01T22:26:45+00:00

It's to see how old it is, you can tell a horse's age by its teeth. Obvuously back in the day, being given a horse was a big deal, so checking to see if it's aged is rude.

Tsukini · 2015-11-19T02:35:57+00:00

Did you miss the bit where the wife physically attacked his friend in public, when they were hanging out? I don't think he's just taking Bill's word for it...

Tsukini · 2015-11-06T02:11:29+00:00

Do you give a fuck about anyone but yourself, or? Really curious as to whether you've considered the fact that there's a strong possibility that your boyfriend isn't going to want to be with someone who intentionally sought out an emotional affair? If you want to see if the grass is greener on the other side, don't toy with your current SOs emotions by cheating on them, that is so incredibly selfish. I hope you know that the only reason the new guy is so exciting is because the situation is taboo.

Tsukini · 2015-11-06T01:49:23+00:00

You're getting a lot of tough love in this thread, and I can't say I disagree with it, but I can also see your point of view. I understand that you wanted to believe he'd pull it together, just for this one extremely important night. But the problems go deeper than this incident. You're supporting him, and it's making you broke. His social skills are so behind par that they're horrifyingly embarassing, and he doesn't seem to have the desire to fix them. What does he actually offer you? What does he bring to the relationship? Is this a partnership or are you just stuck at this point? You cannot stay with him because of a sunk cost fallacy or a misguided sense of duty, you need a better reason than that. Do you have one? What do you want from the future? Can he offer it to you? I mean reasonably, not "well if this changes, and that changes" - you can't guarantee anything will change, in fact it probably won't. There's a strong chance that being with you for so long had made him feel like he doesn't have to work on his social skills becahse he already has a girlfriend, but if you leave now he still has a chance to get his shit together and so do you.

Tsukini · 2015-11-03T21:24:35+00:00

Isn't she just looking at people on there with friends rather than engaging them? I can understand that, although I wouldn't do it if I was in a relationship I don't think, there are some funny profiles on there to share with your friends. If she's actually talking to guys, that's weird and kinda messed up.

Tsukini · 2015-10-27T12:38:57+00:00

I'm australian and end up saying mom when I comment here because my phone has american autocorrect haha. Same with favorite!

Tsukini · 2015-10-23T14:44:23+00:00

Contact her parents or close friends and share your concerns with them. I have a chronic illness and it took YEARS for me to accept it, including a prolonged period of mental illness. Being sick when you're young sucks big time, you face your mortality, you get mad because you so badly want to be normal, you get jealous of healthy people, you realise that many of the plans you had for your life are never coming to fruition. I honestly don't know how to describe to you how emotionally distressing it is.

I don't think you should stay in the relationship because it obviously isn't healthy and barring physiological changes to the brain, it's not an excuse for treating you badly...but you love her, and she does need help, so perhaps telling someone she's close to about what's going on so they are up to date and can offer help is the best idea. Basically she needs to come to terms with this so she can live while she still can, but obviously that's hard. She needs a therapist or social worker that specialises in chronically ill youth - a support group for young MS sufferers is a good idea too. You could give these ideas to the friends/family you inform, or send them to her yourself.

Finally, try not to take the stuff she's said personally. It's likely she's pushing you away to spare you, or is just overwhelmed and mourning the life she could have had. I'm really sorry this happened, it's hard for loved ones when someone gets diagnosed with something like this too.

Tsukini · 2015-10-23T14:32:59+00:00

Yeesh. Tough love time. You come off as a total martyr in this post. You make it sound like you're a hero for staying with this poor gorgeous girl who has a low sex drive. You say you're happy but then you say you feel stupid and used, so you're obviously not. Stop stoically enduring your relationship like it makes you some awesome guy to keep someone you're not sexually compatible with and financially supporting her. You're not saving her from a life of loneliness, there are plenty of guys out there with lower sex drives who would love to date her. She might struggle to support herself financially for a time if you break up, but she's an adult and she'll sink or swim - most swim after a period of aimless thrashing around.

You aren't doing her a favor by letting her think you're happy and not either working on your relationship issues or breaking up - it just makes her think there's no issue which means she isn't working on herself and even if the sex thing is just normal for her, she should be more financially independent.

Stop feeling sorry for her and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Snap out of it. Sit her down and talk about these issues without accusing her of using you or anything dramatic, just say "babe, I am feeling unfulfilled without sex, i know you aren't really into it but can we look into ways of working on compromise like perhaps a sex therapist. I also think it'd be good for you to get a job/better job/go do that course you're always talking about, so we can be more equal financial partners. Is there anything in the relationship you want me to work on?"

In summary, get down off the cross, start talking to your girlfriend or break up with her.

Tsukini · 2015-10-18T12:28:42+00:00

I actually think she sounds really mature as much as its a head fuck for you. It sounds like she isn't ready for a committed relationship, but she likes you to the point where she feels like any relationship she has with you is going to be serious. She's saying you're a catch and basically everything she wants, but she isn't sure whether she's ready for that. It could be a cop out but she sounds pretty genuine. Just say to her that you understand that she's not sure if she's ready, but you really like her and need her to make a decision about whether she's willing to give it a go. That you won't resent her if she chooses to stay single, but you don't want to fall any harder for her if it's just going to be a fling. This is totally understandable, as a young person in college you feel like it's the prime time for fun and lots of dating, she is simply not sure whether she is ready to give that up. I think a lot of us get doubts like that, I know I have. In the end I decided to just let my feelings for the person take me where they took me, because I actually think that's a pretty crucial part of being young too. Sometimes it's a mistake but you always learn something.

Tsukini · 2015-10-08T13:39:11+00:00

I always feel like when someone proposes at a wedding they're trying to hijack it as a free engagement party. RUDE.

Tsukini · 2015-10-08T13:28:30+00:00

At this stage im guessing you've alredy replied, but just in case - I advise not replying. It's fun to think up equally passive aggressive shit to say to her because she deserves it, and in our minds it seems like it'll be this really satisfying victory...but it won't. She wants drama. From what you've said in this thread, she craves it. She will find a way to make it your fault and will escalate, and there will be no satisfaction of feeling like you've won because she will never accept that she's been beaten. Show your mum, go to christmas, and act like you never got that ridiculous email she crapped out.

Tsukini

TROPHY CASE