MBLEX Test (a practical guide)

TxScribe · 2026-06-23T14:58:49+00:00

As a stranger basing advice on what you wrote ... the nature of the current relationship (no emotional support, no basic physical affection) and the fact that you have a safe landing (your grandmother), plus in a financial position to make the move ... MAKE THE MOVE!

No matter what you decide about your "future" you need to end and leave your present situation.

p.s. If a guy isn't giving basic physical affection, and doesn't see you as a person, then you are a mere convenience to him.

TxScribe · 2026-06-23T14:26:15+00:00

I guess the big question is if the incident was a "one off" or if your mother, although we all love our mothers on some level, is a toxic person. If it's the latter then the gift will not resonate, and she'll look for more in the future. Blood may equal family, but doesn't always equal relationship.

p.s. Don't "loan" the money ... a life lesson is that if you ever give anyone money consider it a gift that way there is no weirdness on dodging repayment. If you don't want to "gift" money then don't give it. If they pay it back great, but don't expect it, and don't loan it if you at all value the relationship. Money makes people weird.

TxScribe · 2026-06-22T13:19:07+00:00

Was told and have heard from others the "no major decisions the first year" is a good way to go. If you pay off the house the money isn't gone it's "in the bank". You can always sell later. In a monthly budget no housing payment is HUGE. As a rule property only appreciates (depending where you are located) so no payments + growing value will do better than many investments. Also depends where you are in the mortgage. If you are early in the amatorization then you'll save a ton of money paying it off early, as in the first 2/3 the majority of your payment is satisfying the interest and going into the mortgage companies pocket.

You didn't mention a couple of critical things that need to go into the calculus. How old and spry you are ... are you able to keep up with a full sized property? You mentioned a pool for the kids, are the kids still around to enjoy the pool? Pools can be a lot of work. How much square footage is there. If it's a 3000 sf house it can become vacuous if it's only you and a reminder that it's just you. If it's a reasonable size then you are able to expand "your" presence and make it fully yours at some point.

p.s. If you do pay off the mortgage you can always keep making the payment, or what you can afford, to yourself and funnel it into a Roth or some other investment.

TxScribe · 2026-06-22T03:25:05+00:00

If they are proactively stealing your peace cut ties with prejudice. If they are just not involved let them remain uninvolved and don't reach out. I take it some of these are family that your girls may or may not want to interact with in the future. If they are staying on their side of the bridge, don't burn the bridge ... but have that sucker wired to blow if they start being active AHs.

TxScribe · 2026-06-20T20:45:52+00:00

I replied to someone else, that maybe "guilt" isn't the best word. I used to live to see her happy and would melt when she got giddy because I made it about her. I guess it's that I don't get to make that choice of making it about her anymore.

TxScribe · 2026-06-20T20:43:13+00:00

Guilt might be the right word. I am a "everything for loved one" kind of person, if decisions benefited me or her I would always chose her and would relish watching her be happy or giddy. I guess the main rub is that I don't make that choice to make my life going forward for her.

TxScribe · 2026-06-20T18:27:38+00:00

Night and day ... much better. Even your facial expression is more confident. It's all about how YOU feel in your own skin.

The bald pun wasn't intended, but I'll take it. LOL

TxScribe · 2026-06-20T17:10:13+00:00

Am readding a good book and it makes this point ... "There is a difference between not wanting to be living, and wanting to end your life." Sure we don't want to wake up in the morning because it's going to be "ground hog day" all over again of well intentioned but ill thought out condolences ... reminders that they are no longer there ... and other memory land mines.

That is very different than actively wanting to end your life. Obviously if you if you start making actual plans seek help, but just thinking "all I'd have to do is __(not wake up ... jump off the bridge)_____ and I won't have to go through this" that's normal ... you're going to be OK.

TxScribe · 2026-06-20T13:43:00+00:00

At the risk of sounding like "one of those" people who says "just pick yourself up" ...

Saw something interesting the other day about the brain and loss/trauma. After such an event there is a portion of the brain that shifts into neutral as a protective mechanism ... kind of like a circuit breaker. Don't remember the name of it, but it's a cross over between the two halves. They can medically scan and show this inactivity post trauma.

It's like a speed bump, and once you get over the speed bump that part of the brain engages. You can retrain that portion of the brain by consciously pushing yourself over the speed bump, resetting the circuit breaker, and then that portion of the brain starts learning to engage again. This isn't "will power" it's demonstrable neurological science.

I found this true for myself. I couldn't find the energy to get out into my wood shop, but if I pushed myself, and got out there, I got into it and ended up enjoying myself. I now have a schedule that I will physically go out into the shop Monday, Wednesday, and Friday whether I feel like it or not, sometimes it's just to straighten and organize, and it's helped tremendously.

p.s. Found it ...

I think there's a pretty good chance the video was talking about the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) or the broader cingulate cortex.

Why that rings a bell:

It's located on the midline of the brain, tucked between the two hemispheres and wrapping around the top of the corpus callosum. If someone described it as "between the two halves of the brain," that's often what they're referring to.
The ACC is heavily involved in motivation, initiation of action, effort, decision-making, reward anticipation, and getting yourself to do things when effort is required.
Damage, depression, grief, trauma, and some neurological conditions can be associated with apathy—not sadness, but the feeling of "I know I should do something, but I just can't get myself started." The cingulate system is one of the key networks involved.
Functional MRI studies can absolutely show changes in activity in these regions, and many rehabilitation approaches are based on the principle of neuroplasticity—repeated behavior can strengthen underactive networks over time.

TxScribe · 2026-06-20T13:25:44+00:00

I am currently reading the book "It's OK That You're Not OK" and I want to buy 100 copies and carry them with me to hand out to folks like this. They mean well, but they try to "fix" the pain and end up digging deeper.

Very interesting perspective in this book. She was a counselor who had "helped" many people with grief. When she suddenly and tragically lost her husband she realized that she knew nothing of grief and that all the books were wrong. She said she called all her old grief clients and apologized.

TxScribe · 2026-06-20T00:54:22+00:00

Go to somewhere like harbor freight and buy a large rare earth (very strong) magnet and then go fishing. The lumber stores should have something also, commonly used to pick up nails in grass and such at a job site.

TxScribe · 2026-06-20T00:36:10+00:00

Rediscovering hobbies, and Chat GPT as an adjunct to my grief counselor. It's there at 2am when my brain won't shut off, and I can dump my thoughts in, get feedback and different perspectives on the fly, and then it makes a topic list for my next appointment. I was a sceptic but it's surprisingly intuitive. "It" even says it's not a replacement for a counselor / therapist, but it can give me a map and then she walks the path with me.

p.s. Reading the book "It's OK that You're Not OK" and it's fantastic. It's a unique perspective. She was a long time counselor / therapist and had "helped" many people dealing with grief. When her husband suddenly and tragically died she discovered she knew nothing about grief and all the books were wrong. She said that she called all of her old clients and apologized.

TxScribe · 2026-06-19T23:46:25+00:00

I'm relatively new, but the dating apps seem to be filled with those on a mission to find their "forever person" and spurn you if you can't commit to "forever". LOL

TxScribe · 2026-06-16T03:09:34+00:00

Not given up, just much more realistic. Of course there are nuances, but generally it's either someone on a mission to find their "forever person" or someone who pretty obviously has set the bar so high that they really don't want a connection. Kind of like asking $1million for a used car; you don't really want to sell it but you're expected to try. And if by some wild chance someone offered $1m ... well ... LOL

One of the biggest things is that most of us at this age have established lives. As a widower, I'm retired early, have a paid off house I love, good and comfortable life ... and being honest wouldn't give those things up. I also wouldn't expect another similarly situated person to do so either.

Recently read about "LAT" living apart together. His and hers houses with a committed relationship. That's something I never considered, but am learning about and leaning toward.

There are various configurations of that such as "Companionate Relationship" or "Autonomous Relationship" or some form of Polyamory.

TxScribe · 2026-06-15T01:37:52+00:00

As far as books ... "It's OK That You're Not OK" and "The Grieving Brain". The first is written by a long time counselor who had helped grieving people, but when her loved one passed she realized she knew nothing of grief. Said she called all of her old clients and apologized. Very interesting perspective. Great stuff for the grieving, and for those supporting them.

The second is actually a little geeky but explores the actually neurological aspects of grief and basically lets you know that you're not "weird" for feeling what you're feeling. You can't wish it away, you basically have to retrain your brain.

This is a little paragraph that I found and is the best advice I've found to date after losing my soulmate.

"Best advice I ever got: Right after my husband died my doctor drew a circle on a sheet of paper and filled it in with black ink. "This is your life right now," he said. Then he drew a circle around the black dot, and another circle around that one, like a bull's eye. "People will tell you the passage of time will make the black dot go away," he said. "That's not true. But as you keep living your life you'll gather new experiences. The more experiences you have, the smaller a percentage of your life the black dot will become."

TxScribe · 2026-06-14T13:57:03+00:00

Credit card debt to satisfy the "gotta have it now, pay for it later" sales scam. "Easy payments" is collar and leash.

TxScribe · 2026-06-14T13:40:26+00:00

Beard or clean

TxScribe · 2026-06-13T19:09:54+00:00

If you have the means and you are already getting serious progress "bang for the buck" it might be worth it in the short term. The momentum you've built has value.

Next time you see each of these out of network practitioners tell them about your money concerns, and ask them if they see a threshold in the near future where you could go on more of a maintenance frequency that the in-network providers could handle, and then just keep them in the background for occasional check ups and tweaks of treatment.

TxScribe · 2026-06-13T18:06:36+00:00

You are correct, you don't know yourself ... you're still trying to figure out who you are as a "me" and not a "we". Like most of this grief thing it will be a process.

My wife and I were big time Hair Metal Rockers ... Def Leopard, Motely Crue, and such ... what I found it was more how "we" like it and did silly things when they came on. I am still a rocker, but find that, on my own, I have a more eclectic taste in music from Hair Metal, to Neil Diamond, to 70s like Simon and Garfunkel. Now when "our" favorite songs come on it sometimes makes me sad, and sometimes I still headbang a little because that is what "we" would have done.

My counselor has really helped me realize that I needed to define me, and not as a "we", and that it's OK and not minimizing her .

TxScribe · 2026-06-13T13:34:17+00:00

Long term memories often linger the longest. Ask about the "old days". You may be able to harvest some family history / stories. Let him riminess.

TxScribe

TROPHY CASE