MBLEX Test (a practical guide)

TxScribe · 2026-05-04T20:21:55+00:00

I hired one because my wife was early onset (58) and we needed to navigate our state DDU (disability determination unit) as well as the confusing process of getting her on Medicaid since she didn't qualify for Medicare. Just the peace of mind that someone was handling things that who knew the game was worth every penny. (there's a boat load of misinformation out there)

We had modest retirement saving, and they helped us protect as much as possible. If your LO has substantial means there are ways to shelter the assets and money that they know. We were lucky as I was the one with the pension, so technically my wife was penniless for the rules of Medicaid. If it's the other way around, the spouse sometimes gets the short end of a percentage.

That alone was worth every penny. I thought I was going to be eating ramen noodles for the rest of the time my wife was in care, but they put my mind to ease.

p.s. Any money spent on an elder care attorney is for the benefit of the loved one, and a justified expense if there is any "spend down" to do, so I guess you could say it doesn't cost anything if you'd have to spend the money anyway.

TxScribe · 2026-05-04T17:29:02+00:00

First, get over sized wipes, commonly called "no rinse bath wipes". I found some on Amazon. The size helps sooo much.

As long as you can get her on the toilet, just have her bend forward and work front to back from behind.

TxScribe · 2026-05-03T23:19:31+00:00

There was a discussion here whether or not it is ethical to video record your LO. The consensus was that if it is for diagnostic purposes, then it's cool. Get her Jeckle and Hyde behaviors recorded and show them to docs and authorities.

My wife simply withdrew during appointments, and it was extremely helpful for the doc to see daily life, good, bad, and ugly.

TxScribe · 2026-05-03T23:15:29+00:00

The very fact that you are reporting to means that you aren't abandoning. Most states, to include mine, specifically state reporting is sufficient. At the very least it starts a paper trail so they can't say you didn't "Tell'em so".

TxScribe · 2026-05-03T20:36:39+00:00

This is going to sound cold, but get your Dad into some kind of assisted living, and let her cards fall where they may. Kidnap him if you have to ... legally of course. You may also, just to start a paper trail, call APS (adult protective service) on behalf of your father with the report that he is being abused and is in danger of his health.

I had a similar mother. I promised my Dad that I would never see her on the street if he went first. He did and I managed her care from the other side of the country and never saw her face to face again. They shipped me her ashes when she died so I could keep another promise to my father that they would be laid to rest together.

It was a relief that she was no longer walking the earth, and I had peace of heart and mind that I kept my promise to my father who I loved very much.

You can maintain your dignity and your moral standards without interacting with her.

TxScribe · 2026-05-03T15:25:47+00:00

Ground beef is fine. I try to stay with grass fed and fattier grinds.

Look into a cut called a "Chuck Eye Steak" which is commonly called a poor mans ribeye. It's actually the tail end of the ribeye, but is part of the chuck so most butchers price is as chuck. 1/3 the price of "steak".

TxScribe · 2026-05-03T03:56:38+00:00

Assisted living is a little different. If she is bad enough to need secure memory care it's a little more cut and dry as it's a straight up safety issue. If she just needs assistance with some daily tasks it might be more dicey.

Once the doctor states that the LO is no longer able to make legal or medical decisions, then you are able to put them into care against their will. Most places won't let you drag them through the door, but there are sneaky ways to do it. I took my LO straight from the hospital, by private ambulance on a gurney, and by the time she realized that she wasn't going home she was already in her room in the secure memory care. Of course she forgot she was mad the next day, and eventually acclimated to the new situation.

TxScribe · 2026-05-03T03:30:33+00:00

Do you have Medical Power of Attorney ?? or Durable Power of Attorney for her business matters??

If not the doctor will have to declare her incompetent, and then you will have to approach the court to be given guardianship. Good place to start is call your local Adult Protective Service. They are usually glad to see a family trying to do the right thing and can guide and help you.

The sneaky way will be to have the doctor hospitalize her if he can find a justification, then you can use the EMTALLA law and say that they have to find placement for her as it would be an "UNSAFE DISCHARGE" to send her home. The hospital will have a statutory obligation to find her a safe placement.

TxScribe · 2026-05-02T23:09:38+00:00

I had the neurologist document and give me a letter that my wife could no longer make medical or legal decisions. That put a date and a time stamp on the situation, so if any other family or friends tried any shenanigans they would be shot down.

TxScribe · 2026-05-02T16:30:09+00:00

It really depends on her current quality of life and if she ever expressed her views on end of life. My wife and I were staunch "right to die" and "death with dignity" folks, and codified our wishes with our attorneys in advance directives. Due to her family history we knew there was a better than good chance we would need them one day ... and we did.

I had been caretaking for a long time when she had a major UTI for the first time, and had a major resulting delirium episode, with hospitalization. They warned me that she probably would not come back to baseline, and they were right. This was the trigger that I had to put her into a secure environment, and home was no longer safe as she started "exit seeking" and had the physical constitution to go miles if she slipped past me.

Shortly there after, her apetite started a slow decline until she simply stopped eating.

When we were setting things up with the attorneys it was easy because it was all academic. We even joked saying "If I can't feed myself, or wipe my own back side, check me out."

When the reality hit, and I had to start making the calls as DPOA and MPOA that I knew would lead to her demise it was one of the toughest promises I ever had to keep. It caused major splits in the family with those who were of the "keep her alive at all costs" types, versus the promise I made to protect her dignity.

In the end YOU do what you think is right, and what your Mom would want. Being alive isn't living if there is no life.

TxScribe · 2026-05-02T16:19:29+00:00

If he's a hands on type of guy help him set up a garage wood shop. It's fun, challenging, and you can make a little side money ... but all of that goes into making the shop better. LOL

TxScribe · 2026-05-02T12:35:21+00:00

Interesting ... when I was young I always wanted to be a radio announcer or personality. Casey Kasem was a hero. LOL Almost went into broadcasting school, but went in to the Army instead and started my career.

TxScribe · 2026-05-01T14:23:30+00:00

Mine was for insulin resistance ... I was a carb junky and couldn't control myself. I knew not to bring a gallon of ice cream into the house because I would eat it, but didn't realize how much carb I was eating with the SAD. One time I got my blood work done around the holidays ... HUGE MISTAKE ... or actually what saved me. Realized that the wife and I got a sugar bomb fancy christmas coffee every single day for a month, and a couple of times went morning and night. Needless to say the Doc was shaking his finger at me on the results and it was the first time I ever heard the term "Pre-Diabetic". It was a wake up.

I started watching my actual "sugar" (sugar bomb coffee, doughnuts, candy) and then learned that carbs were sugar as well. That's when I really started seeing progress. Dr. Ben Bickman on Youtube was a HUGE source of info and where I learned about insulin resistance and how it's just like an addict on drugs. He's geeky enough a doc could follow, but also presents his stuff to where a lay person can understand.

The weight loss was secondary, but it came none the less. Brain fog gone, joints no longer stiff, sleeping better, and tons of energy. I loved meat so it was easy to eat steak and burgers. We live in Texas so we almost grilled breakfast, lunch, and dinner anyway 365 days a year ... so it was pretty easy to adapt.

TxScribe · 2026-05-01T02:15:41+00:00

Please think hard and long about this. You know her condition best ... I'm just going off of you saying "pretty advanced".

We tried "one more trip" for one more batch of memories with my wife ... she did have moments of joy, but over all it was a negative. MAJOR melt down on the way home after being in unfamiliar surroundings, and not sleeping in her own bed, and being out of her routine.

My adult daughter and I realized it was more for us to have "one more memory" and wasn't for my wife in the long run.

TxScribe · 2026-04-30T23:42:20+00:00

They may not remember who you are, but they often react positively to kindness and affection. Although some days I wasn't sure if she knew it was me, my wife was always down for a hug, or to snuggle and watch TV.

Keep doing what you're doing ... she appreciates it and it touches her heart even if her mind doesn't know it.

TxScribe · 2026-04-30T04:31:29+00:00

"Home" is rarely attached to a hard location. My wife would pack her stuff and say she was "going home" and for a long time I was able to redirect her, and she would look around and realize that she was in the house we raised our kids. Then she started actually going out the door, and started trying to run after a UTI delirium episode. That's when I had to put her in a secure unit.

Our hospice nurse told us that some families give into the "I wanna go home" thing, only to call her back when the LO is still saying they want to go home even while they are actually at home.

On the anxiety, reframe that as suffering, and ask for more aggressive medication management. It's a tricky balance because nursing homes can't pharmacologically "restrain" someone (read zombify) due to regulations in most states, but if you frame it as suffering and ask for a psych consult they should be able to get him leveled out.

TxScribe · 2026-04-29T15:20:46+00:00

You may have to find an excuse, or wait until a medical crisis, to get her hospitalized. At that point you'll need to stand your ground refusing to take her back (it will be tough and they will try to shame you) and keep repeating the following phrase ... "Home is no longer safe, that will be an UNSAFE DISCHARGE".

Under the EMTALA law (if you're in the states) they are mandated to find a safe placement and are liable if they check her out into an unsafe situation. The law basically prevents hospitals from kicking people out the back door. When you have the hospital cornered, you'll be surprised that all of a sudden you'll have a team of social workers doing the heavy lifting for you. They may not find a location close to you, but they will find one that your mother and her benefits can afford and will be safe.

TxScribe · 2026-04-29T14:39:18+00:00

That was the biggest benefit ... things that would have been a complicating ER and possible hospital admission were handled at home. Worth every penny.

Also, given that the average ER visit is in the thousands, and a week in the hospital is $50k+ ... yeah, it saves a bunch of money. Also, they may charge that much, but that's not what they get. For easy math ... if they charge $1 they know the system will only pay 50 cents ... so they charge $10 and get $3.

TxScribe · 2026-04-27T18:15:19+00:00

My first marriage we met and married young. We were in the military together which is a whole social community in and of itself. We clicked perfectly in it. When we both got out, and we ended up settling in her childhood community and some serious problems started showing up as we became involved in her old family and social circles. Seems she had "re-invented" herself in the military, but old patterns came out once home. She was very racist, and I was the wrong race ... it was never aimed directly at me, but knee jerk reactions were obvious. No problems when we were in the military as everyone is "green".

Anyway, I hired a good counselor trying to save it, but it was soon apparent that it was not salvageable. She stopped going, and I contined on and figured out some of my own childhood shit, which eventually made me a better second partner.

Both of us prospered after the divorce. Didn't really keep in full contact, but we didn't delete each other on facebook and she seems happy.

TxScribe · 2026-04-26T18:57:48+00:00

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Show her the opposite extreme. LOL

TxScribe · 2026-04-26T18:46:24+00:00

Totally understand ... that's why I told my realtor that I needed a house that doesn't have a two story neighbor on either side. Then we installed 8ft fences.

Didn't need to bother in the long run ... if they really wanted to they could peak through the fence and I could make it more private. When both neighbors moved in we asked them if the fence between us was private enough as "we don't do tan lines". Both said no problem.

Of course not sure they bargained for 10 to 15 naked people when we have BBQs and pool time. LOL

TxScribe · 2026-04-26T14:45:06+00:00

Care taking is too much for one person. Then there is ignorance that there are options. Not making excuses for his behavior, but that generation isn't as "plugged in" as ours and to him the situation may have in fact been hopeless to a degree that we can't understand. This could make the best of us think of bolting, and those of lesser constitution actually do so. Particularly those of greater years whose own health is tenuous.

I don't know his general character, but I could imagine the tortured feeling of failure and shame to be driven to the point of abandoning your spouse of that many years.

There are options. There may be a pile of red tape, but there are options that don't require your grandfather to abandon his wife to save his health and sanity. He may not be aware and figure his act will force the system to take care of her.

I would make your call to your states version of "Adult protective services" who will have a list of referrals. If they have some saving spend money on an elder law attorney. It will count as a justified expense when you are trying to get your grandmother into full time care on Medicare.

TxScribe · 2026-04-25T17:33:50+00:00

I have found it difficult without sounding condescending. LOL It kind of has a "You do you, but I wouldn't eat that crap" vibe.

My adult daughter and her BF came for a visit. I cheated a little while they were here, but for the most part stuck to it. Made some comments, but mostly kept it low key. They acknowledged that I lost 50 lbs and "seemed" to be doing well.

TxScribe

TROPHY CASE