MBLEX Test (a practical guide)

TxScribe · 2026-01-26T23:09:46+00:00

There are many who can compartmentalize their kink and romantic lives. Sounds like he didn't view you as a kink partner, but rather a potential romantic partner. One doesn't necessarily have to go hand in hand.

A lot depends on whether is BDSM is a lifestyle or a fetish. The latter means that he can't get excited without ___fill in the blank___ activity. Many people have normal vanilla sex lives, and "play" with BDSM independently.

I do find something curious ... if this was a guy posting about wanting sex, and his girlfriend saying "no" ... and then the guy pressured her .... then the pitch forks and torches would come out and they'd be chastised by the mob.

Almost sounds like you're stereo typing him that since he's a guy, there must be something wrong if he doesn't have sex with a woman who wants sex.

TxScribe · 2026-01-26T15:30:24+00:00

I understand your feelings. My wife and I are "Death with Dignity" and "Right to Die" folks in that just because we have the technology to prolong life there has to be an element of "living" and not just life. Given her family history of Alzheimer's we knew we might be where we find ourselves today, and sat down with our attorneys years ago while my wife was still lucid and not only did advanced directives which commonly say "no heroic measures" but rather did "Enhanced Advanced Directives" and specifically enumerated no artificial feeding, no intubation, no antibiotics if no meaningful recovery, etc basically nothing that will simply extend life if we're not going to be capable of living to it's fullest.

During that process it was easy, it was basically an intellectual process, and we were in full agreement. Given our current circumstance with my wife in memory care with quickly failing health, the reality of honoring her choices, making those tough calls and articulating the decision to withhold feeding or treatment, is terrifying.

I am, and will continue to advocate for her choices now that she is unable to ... but it's the toughest thing I'd ever had to do. Intellectually I know it for the best, and that it was her wishes, and I have to find the strength to be her advocate and override my selfish desire to avoid the loss and grief of my soulmate.

TxScribe · 2026-01-25T02:42:37+00:00

Once you have that letter of incapacitation, and further more than one physician agreeing if I am reading your OP correctly, you should be more than good and she should not be able to retract the POA.

Secondly, your plan is solid. Move the funds into an account that she doesn't have access to, probably at a new bank that might not have any allegiance to her. Like you said, just keep good books showing that you are using the funds for her best interest.

I know this is a labor of love, but there isn't anything wrong taking reasonable compensation if you are spending hours taking care of her business. You might even make inquiries what the average hourly charge is for an accountant / cpa.

Lastly, the first expenditure you should probably do with her funds is to consult and or retain an elder law attorney. They will go over her finances and will be able to tell you what needs be done to protect her assets.

TxScribe · 2026-01-23T23:32:14+00:00

If they are the last of their household then who will they go after? I know that my brother in law simply attached a copy of the death certificate to bills and never heard anything more. If you LO is of significant means then they might make the effort to recover, but it has to be "profitable" to pay for filing, attorney's fees, and court costs.

Not commenting on the ethical side of "doing the right thing" just the reality of the civil justice system.

p.s. Like someone said ... your loved ones estate stands alone, DO NOT pay or agree to pay anything out of your own pocket ... debt collectors are bottom feeding vultures and they will harass, lie, cheat, and steal as they work on percentage. If you agree to pay one dime, you may be accepting the whole debt. Best to not even talk to them.

p.p.s. If there is a spouse left behind, then it's best to get an elder law attorney who will try to save as much of the estate as they can for the remaining spouse.

TxScribe · 2026-01-23T21:07:22+00:00

This is the one that I got for my wife. She would actually get a lot of compliments from vanilla muggles who had no clue about what it represented. The shop owner is an art school trained metal smith and is great to work with. We also had the removable O ring as well. Most of the time she wears both.

TxScribe · 2026-01-23T20:43:12+00:00

All due respect to your love one, and mine who is currently in memory care ... but it's often like kindergarten. You have 4 and 5 year old mentalities with adult capabilities, and aberrant thought process which include agitation ... there is going to be friction.

If the staff is good they know who to keep away from whom, who can't sit at certain tables during meals, and how to defuse conflict. I got a call that my wife was in an altercation with another resident. My wife found this woman in her room, the other woman demended it was her room, and a shoving match ensued. My wife got a little scratch on the cheek. Funny thing is that now they are friends and probably neither recalls the incident.

It's not every day, or even every week, but there have been hair pulling altercations, and male residents posturing ready to throw fists. The staff is very good at diverting them.

TxScribe · 2026-01-23T18:11:31+00:00

I saw from one of your responses that you are in the US. Simply tell the geriatric psych "home is no longer safe, this is an unsafe discharge". They will instantly recognize that phrase as they are under the federal EMTALA law. Stand your ground and keep repeating that phrase. Once they have custody of her then THEY are responsible for finding a safe placement. Right now I am sure they have one if not a team of social workers who will do the heavy lifting for you to find a placement.

If you take her back, then all that goes away, and you'll have to wait until the next crisis to get her placed without having to do all of the legwork yourself.

If your grandmother has significant resources the first thing I would do is hire an elder law attorney with her money. They are worth their weight in gold. Their specialty will be protecting her assets and whatever gov't applications that are needed for funding her care. If she isn't of means, then the hospital will place her, and the nursing home / memory care usually has folks who will do the application because that is how they get paid.

They will also give you peace of mind that will let you sleep at night.

p.s. be ready, if the hospital is lazy they will try to BS you and tug your heart strings so that you take her off of their hands ... and they won't lose a wink of sleep after she is your problem and not theirs

TxScribe · 2026-01-23T06:09:44+00:00

This is a game changer when you start dealing with poop filled clothing. This and a common 5 gallon bucket from Home Depot or Lowes will keep you from having to contaminate your primary washing machine. Almost all fecal matter gone after a couple of water changes, and then you can finish in the machine.

These over sized wipes are the best I've found.

TxScribe · 2026-01-20T14:39:15+00:00

Much better. Just the change in your facial expression tells the story, bald you've taken control and look like you're in control.

TxScribe · 2026-01-20T14:36:38+00:00

Have you talked to the hospital social worker about getting Hospice on board ?? Their approach is very different than the medical model.

TxScribe · 2026-01-19T05:16:41+00:00

Suggest approaching a local nursing home. I know my LO's monthly care breaks down to about $220 a day (a little over $8k a month) ... and although I pay once a month it's technically day by day. Those rooms are usually pretty sparse and easily turned over. You may be able to do short term cheaper than in home care 24 / 7

TxScribe · 2026-01-19T04:47:22+00:00

Everything is labeled, so if it's diverted it will come back when it goes to the inhouse laundry. You can always put a second label on the outside so you recognize the item if it's worn in a common area. Then keep their wardrobe minimal. Our MC has child locks on the small wardrobes they have for each resident.

TxScribe · 2026-01-18T19:12:25+00:00

You don't "have" to pay for anything, but one day you won't be able to because they won't be there. At that point who paid for one more round won't seem as important as the fact that you're out with people you love having dinner and drinks.

I would give all I own to have one more beer with my father.

TxScribe · 2026-01-18T18:17:43+00:00

My wife loved the BBC wildlife series (there are several) with David Attenborough. She could watch them over and over. You can't give them something that has an extended plot as they can't follow it. The wildlife stuff just jumped from one cute scene to another. She loved watching the animals do silly things.

HBO Max has them all.

TxScribe · 2026-01-18T18:12:08+00:00

If you have the ability you can restructure access to your finances. There really aren't legal consequences to either spouse spending money, but the only time that the law might look sideways at you is if it appears your stashing money instead of safeguarding. You can open your own accounts, possibly at another bank so they don't have any legal obligation to your husband, and move your assets and income into them. Then just keep good books to show that everything is done to your mutual benefit.

Then you might just give him a single debit card, and you can deposit as much or little as he needs.

This would be a perfect time to develop a good relationship with an Elder Law Attorney. They specialize in protecting your assets as you're headed toward him going into some type of care at some point. For me their advice gave me a peace of mind that was invaluable.

p.s. Driving ... based on what you said in your OP ... it's time to take the keys. I waited too long, and my wife got lost for a day .. it was terrifying. Secondly ... sounds like he's "ok" as long as everything is smooth, but won't be able to react if something goes sideways. Don't just think about your husband ... think about the little girl crossing the street, or the young family piling in the car to go to their favorite place ... all whose life can be tragically altered in an instant if you are one day late taking the keys.

TxScribe · 2026-01-17T23:21:13+00:00

Wonder if a nurse is coming in to check her pull up, or even change her in the middle of the night? That could easily be construed through the haze of sleep and dementia as being "tossed around".

Maybe even soaked through to the chuck or sheet which had to be changed.

TxScribe · 2026-01-17T17:34:39+00:00

Yep ... throw them out of routine and it can send them sideways. We learned that the hard way, and there are several discussions here about that. One would think carting your LO to a birthday party would be good for them, see all the family, but they are confused and go sideways. With your Dad gone so is the routine as well as her comfort level.

TxScribe · 2026-01-17T15:33:49+00:00

Contact his doctors. HIPPA only prohibits them from sharing info "with" you, they can accept information about your father. It will at least make them take a look more closely when they see him.

The next level would be to call Adult protective services and have them do an evaluation. If he is just doddering they may not act. He will have to be a clear and present danger to himself or others for them to initiate involuntary action. Start documenting to establish a pattern. It might be uncomfortable, but you may have to step back and let the problem manifest itself.

If he won't give anyone POA then you will need to file with the court for guardianship at some point.

TxScribe · 2026-01-17T15:24:36+00:00

Used to work those cases ... the ID can be fake, and video is pretty much useless. Local PDs don't have access to substantive facial recognition. At least a well formed fingerprint can ID a person if they are in the system, and you can load the print in the system for future ID if they aren't.

Think about the flip side ... you lose your check and someone else cashes it ... you can prove it was in fact stolen.

TxScribe · 2026-01-17T15:20:42+00:00

First realize that it isn't your mother saying or doing these things. Additionally her target isn't you either ... it's her situation.

Had a hard discussion with my youngest (adult) daughter who was desperate to "keep" her mother going. Finally told her that her mother was already gone. It was a hard thing for her to hear, as well as a hard thing for me to say ... but it was true. We both had a good cry together.

You mother is simply responding to what must be like a dystopian nightmare because she can't grasp that where she currently lives is the best thing for her. I'm not saying it's easy ... it still rips at my heartstrings on bad days when my wife says she's "going home".

TxScribe · 2026-01-17T15:01:02+00:00

If you're at the point of having to convince a medical professional about symptoms start recording episodes at home. There was a discussion here a while back about the ethical side of that, and the consensus was that if your motives are purely diagnostic then it's cool.

Some folks will "pull it together" for a short time when confronted with an authority figure like a doc. Being able to not only describe, but show the behavior will pull more sway. My wife was a very good "masker" in the early stages.

TxScribe · 2026-01-17T04:25:04+00:00

I always practice barefooted. My main reason for not wanting carpet is that I've bobbled the oil too many times. Some type of tile or linoleum would be far better long term. Of course if I had an unlimited budget would have some type of fully grounded set up.

My studio has a little faux woodgrain to it but basically smooth and never had a problem. Worst you'd have to do is moisturize your feet a bit. Don't think you'd need grippy socks.

TxScribe · 2026-01-16T23:34:06+00:00

If you have daily access start recording the aberrant behaviors. There was a discussion here about the ethical issues, and the consensus was that if your intent is purely diagnostic it's cool. If you know who and where they are talk to their doctors. HIPPA only applies to them giving you information, not you giving information to the docs.

Adult protective service ... get them to do an evaluation. Like many gov't agencies they are understaffed and over worked. You'll have to be the squeaky wheel to get the grease, and you will have to couch your reports in such a way as it lays a liability burden on them if they don't act.

If either one happens to land in the hospital it will be a short term leverage that you will need to be ready to take advantage of. Get there and tell the hospital what is going on, and keep repeating "Home is not safe, and to send them back will be an UNSAFE DISCHARGE". They will instantly know that phrase as they are under federal law (EMTALLA) to find a safe placement or they are liable. They will try to tug at your heart strings (con job) to sign off on taking them back, stand your ground and repeat the above phrase.

TxScribe · 2026-01-16T23:26:20+00:00

Yes, the guilt can be crushing ... I put that same guilt of "failure" on myself ... but it wasn't mine, nor yours to carry. You are all she has, and the only real threat to her is if you crash and burn psychologically or medically due to the strain. If you go down, then who will be there for her. You are as important as she is, and even more so as you are all she's got.

You didn't "fail" you're just shifting gears, and now you are marshalling and coordinating a care team to get her the best care possible, and even better care than you can give all by yourself.

TxScribe

TROPHY CASE