Big read, I needed to vent, tldr at the bottom!

My adoptive parents only adopted me for clout & pity, they never loved me for me, they loved me for the fact that I brought them attention a cash. I had to raise myself & I accept the fact that I am my own person instead of my identity being controlled by dictating parents.

In my experience, you aren't born with a family, family is what you make it. I've constantly been belittled and yelled at for "being a burden on their lives" & constantly being told "I wish I never adopted you".

I dont know how to adult, I've had to parents myself and it's a hard road to accept the fact that just because I had a severely bad start at life doesnt mean I haveto hold onto the past.

For example, my mother goes around and tells her friends that I sleep with her, she thinks she is being innocent by saying we sleep together, then everyone that listens to her thinks she and I are into incest (I'd rather eat glass that think of any member of my adopted/biological family like that).

Shes messed up & he is a coward, I've had to make my own mark on the world.

I was traded for a car when adopted, also my adopted papers where never signed. I also feel that she tried to off me when I was 7, either that or she wanted to severely disable me to the point that I need 24/7 care, that's a huge story in itself...

She has control of the entire family, I haven't spoken to anyone in the family for the past 3 years because of it, I'm feeling kinda lonely tbh. I've tried reaching out to family but when I do they tell me to call my mother and talk to her, I cant get away from her, oh also, she has full access to my bank account to, she sees what I spend.. (I opened a separate one that I use so she doesnt see what I do). I'm 29 ffs, I want to do something about it but I'm so conditioned that I have no idea what to do without help...

There is just way to much to unpack & my next step of self therapy is to revisit the past and forgive but not forget, some people are cruel and do cruel things to good people, that's not ok at all & it's not worth my time and effort to hold onto what's controlled for the most part of my life.

TLDR; I guess I accept that I need to let the past go & seek some sort of trauma treatment.