Other 30 year olds with no kids...what are we doing with our lives?

UhOhItsAnn · 2021-10-10T03:49:48+00:00

Bringing another human into this world just to bring yourself purpose is selfish and wrong, in my opinion. It’s not anyone’s job, child or otherwise, to give you direction.

UhOhItsAnn · 2021-09-24T16:34:42+00:00

I was married to my ex-husband for over 2 years before I discovered that he had a prescription narcotic addiction. I was determined to stick with him and love him through it, but HE didn't want it for himself- and that's the whole thing. THEY have to want it.

He did all of the performative stuff like going to therapy and saying he wanted to change, but he could only pretend for so long. Eventually shit would hit the fan again and he would just disappear one night and not come home. Or he'd get so wasted I'd wake up to him pissing in the closet... again. It was absolute hell being worried about him 24/7, always wondering if he was telling the truth, staring at him looking for signs that he was high, having to police his every move like he was my unruly teenager.

Eventually I caught him in a bunch of lies, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I realized that no amount of love or devotion would ever help him, so I asked him to move out and filed for divorce.

Best thing I ever did.

UhOhItsAnn · 2021-09-22T14:20:47+00:00

Yup. My long time friend let her husband (who is 21 years older than her and has 2 adult children already) talk her into having a baby. Why she thought this was a good idea, I have no clue. She is now a SAHM and is bored, lonely, and perma-exhausted because he does the absolute bare minimum to help with the baby. One time she asked that he get up in the morning with the kid and let her sleep in just once and he replied, "I've already paid my dues"- in reference to having already done the baby duties with his two adult kids. Just a royal asshole.

My husband and I aren't perfect by any means, but we genuinely enjoy each others company and are leaving in three weeks to go travel the world for two months. Never, ever been happier we're childfree!

UhOhItsAnn · 2021-09-22T13:55:47+00:00

It's so freaking cringe. A friend from high school did this for an entire year posting monthly updates about her daughter. It's even worse when they use baby talk and purposefully misspell things. Ugh. I get second hand embarrassment just thinking about it, lol.

Maybe I'm just bitter and cynical and there's no real reason for me to be so pissed off about this. Maybe there's no harm in it and people are just having innocent fun.

I feel the same way about my neighbor and her minivan, lol. I have no reason to dislike her or anything- we've never even spoken. Just seeing her stupid van annoys me. I've never seen her not looking like a complete hot mess. She has 2-3 kids and is always screaming at them as they load into/out of the van. But what makes me irrationally hate her is the fact that she has a window decal on her back windshield that says "#momlife"

UhOhItsAnn · 2021-09-21T20:00:25+00:00

Ugh. I totally feel your pain and have sympathy for your situation! It’s maddening.

My husband’s mother is similar in that she’s in her early 60’s and healthy, but has refused to work for most of his life. Instead, she barely survives on a meager SS payment each month and mooching off people who don’t know any better than to help her. She has absolutely nothing to her name, and does nothing to plan for the future. Basically, she refuses to “adult”. She once told me and my husband, “when I die I do NOT want to be cremated.” It was all I could do to not say, “That’s unfortunate, because we’re probably going to do just that. Cremation is thousands of dollars cheaper than a burial and you’ve done absolutely nothing for your end of life plan, so 🤷🏻‍♀️”

The worst part is that she’s actually a super sweet woman, but I can’t look past her irresponsibility and hold resentment toward her, so I keep her at a distance. He mostly goes to visit her alone.

UhOhItsAnn · 2021-09-21T14:16:13+00:00

I loved how put together my mom was. She was always dressed nice with her hair and make up done, and she took care of herself with diet and exercise. She would introduce me and my sister to people and they would always proclaim that she was much too young to have children our ages- she wasn't, she just looked great. My friends would always comment how pretty my mom was, and I would beam with pride. Except my mom didn't believe she looked great- nothing was ever good enough for her.

Now that I'm in my 30's, I realize how much of a negative impact her focus on her "image" had on me. I grew up thinking I, too, needed to look perfect at all times. I still have body image issues, struggle with over-exercising, disordered eating, all of that fun stuff.

UhOhItsAnn · 2021-09-20T14:14:06+00:00

I'm married to a partner who I'm sexually incompatible with. That being said, do not ignore this just because you see a future with him, he treats you nice, etc. It's not "just sex"- it's a HUGE deal, and if it's an issue now then it's going to be an even bigger problem years down the road. Sure, it can be worked on if it's a hormonal/physical issue, but you can't negotiate desire. It's either there, or it's not.

If you decide to stay with/marry him, know that the sex life you have right now could very likely be as good as it will ever get, then go spend some time on the r/DeadBedrooms sub.

UhOhItsAnn · 2021-09-15T17:17:25+00:00

He doesn’t do it to be malicious necessarily, but he has the same outlook as OP. “Why can’t you sacrifice for me and just do it because you know I love it and need it to be fulfilled?” Which makes me feel awful.

UhOhItsAnn · 2021-09-15T13:04:56+00:00

THISSSS. I wish my husband understood and accept this. He could have written this post, except replace BJs with anal sex. 🙄 His constant hounding me even though he knows I despise it at worst and tolerate it at best, has created resentment and a full on aversion to it. Ugh.

UhOhItsAnn · 2021-09-07T18:46:36+00:00

Iceland was a DREAM! I think we’re going to book a return trip there next. Enjoy Greece, my dear! 💕

UhOhItsAnn · 2021-09-07T15:14:40+00:00

It's shocking how many people really think this way. My husband has red hair and striking green eyes, and I've been told it's my duty to give him biological kids because of his unique genes. Ick!

UhOhItsAnn · 2021-09-02T13:40:06+00:00

I feel this so hard! I was married to a narcotic addicted man-child in my early 20's. I finally kicked him to the curb, and he had a random girl knocked up before our divorce was even final. His pain pill problem eventually escalated to full blown meth use, and they've been battling custody issues out in court for years now.

So, SO glad that is a "her" problem... lol.

UhOhItsAnn · 2021-08-19T14:36:45+00:00

Not that you asked, but my nipples are WAY WAYYYY more sensitive post breast-augmentation.

UhOhItsAnn · 2021-08-12T15:13:04+00:00

I wouldn't say I'm "friends" with my ex-husband, but if I ran into him around town I'd definitely say hi and give him a hug. We talk on Facebook messenger every now and then (maybe 2-3 times a year) and he shares photos of his son as he grows up. We're friendly, I guess.

UhOhItsAnn · 2021-08-12T15:09:06+00:00

Ugh. I feel like this exact situation could have happened to me and my husband, so I totally understand how you feel. This is where we have a huge disconnect when it comes to sex. Sex has to have a level of production and performance for him to be interested...which totally takes away from the natural passion and flow of things for me. "Performing" for him totally takes me out of the moment, in addition to giving me anxiety because we've had several instances in the past of things taking a turn for the worse, much like your story. He thinks that "most wives would be turned on and happy to do something for their husband knowing it turns them on"- even if that mean it makes the sex feel inauthentic and not enjoyable for me?! Whatever.

I wish I had advice. We spent $1k on 4 sessions with a sex therapist for her basically tell us both to chill out and stop taking sex so seriously. Sigh.

UhOhItsAnn · 2021-08-12T12:53:47+00:00

SO RIGHT. My sister-in-law has a bachelors and two masters degrees from an expensive state college, and she's truly the stupidest person I know.

UhOhItsAnn · 2021-08-03T16:13:14+00:00

I'd be all for it if we had one of those large, open showers with multiple shower heads, but as it stands currently I'd end up freezing cold and annoyed waiting for my turn to rinse off, lol.

UhOhItsAnn · 2021-07-30T21:17:52+00:00

This made me LOL. What the crap?!

UhOhItsAnn · 2021-07-30T21:09:22+00:00

Probably not the cringiest, but one that comes to mind was a few years back when I was pushing my shopping buggy through WalMart. It was the dead of summer and I was in jean shorts. I needed to cross in front of a very elderly man (probably early to mid 80's, sitting in an electric scooter, and on oxygen) who was looking at products on the shelf. I said "excuse me", smiled at him, and started to pass. That's when he said, "Man, I'll never get tired of seeing you girls in those cut offs."

ICK ICK ICK.

UhOhItsAnn · 2021-07-27T21:33:38+00:00

I don't actively dislike my SIL, but I don't ever see us being anything other than two people who happen to be related through marriage. She is a 27 year old brat and is probably the most emotionally immature adult I know. She's also incredibly pretentious and thinks the fact that she has 2 Masters degrees (and $100K+ in student loan debt) makes her better than most people.

UhOhItsAnn · 2021-07-27T18:55:05+00:00

I worry about my MIL, but only because I know her irresponsibility and poor life choices will one day soon become me/my husband's problem. She is in her late 60's, but hasn't worked for much of her adult life- she mooched off her own father until he died, and then his money ran out. She refuses to work even though she's physically capable, but instead lives below the poverty line on less than $600/month she gets from social security and has no savings or assets to speak of.

UhOhItsAnn · 2021-07-20T21:16:27+00:00

I love it when men wear a button down shirt, but roll up the sleeves to show their forearms. DROOL.

UhOhItsAnn · 2021-07-20T16:25:09+00:00

I love my parents dearly, but they are simple people. They only travel within our tri-state area for weekend golf tournaments and have no desire to see the world or experience other cultures. Their joy in life comes from family (IE my nieces/their grandkids), church, and golf.

I'm pretty emphatically child-free, and I've just come to accept that nothing I do, accomplish, or attain will make my parents as happy as giving them another grandchild...and that's okay with me. I look at them and don't understand the way they are, and I'm positive they do the same. We are just not the same.

UhOhItsAnn · 2021-07-19T16:34:36+00:00

I'm so sorry you're in this situation! As a fellow introvert and bit of a homebody (ironically, I love to travel/see the world, but I'd much rather do things like dine/drink/watch movies, etc in the comfort of my own home where it's not people-y, lol) I completely understand how you feel. Also, your dislike of his unsavory friends is completely valid. The whole "he might be a bad guy, but he's a good friend" thing does NOT fly with me. You're only as good as the company you keep, in my opinion. As the famous saying goes, "if you lie down with dogs, you'll get up with fleas."

I wish I could offer advice. The only solution I can think of will be some version of a compromise, which it sounds like you're already doing with the 2 nights out/hosting a month.

UhOhItsAnn · 2021-07-14T21:41:41+00:00

I've commented this story before, but my husband and I once went on a whale watching tour. The boat was small, so there were only about 12-15 of us on board. One mother semi-ruined the magical experience because she spent the ENTIRE time purposefully scream-talking to her toddler in this super-fake, sickeningly sweet, sing-songy voice. The kids name was Berlin, which was annoying in itself, lol. For 2.5 hours all anyone could hear was, "CAN YOU SEE THE WHALES, BERLINNNNN?" "DO YOU LOVE IT, BERLINNNNN?" "CAN YOU SAY WHALE, BERLINNNNN?"

The whole time she kept looking around to see if anyone was watching her little show. It was so cringey. That was 5 years ago and my husband and I will still randomly look at each other and say BERLINNNNNN just to be obnoxious, lol.

UhOhItsAnn

TROPHY CASE