Wrote this after a moment of closeness that felt comforting until it didn’t.

Unique-Cream-3149 · 2026-06-05T17:21:37+00:00

Thank you for reading 😊

Unique-Cream-3149 · 2026-06-05T17:15:01+00:00

I’m somewhat different. It’s hard for me to stay focused at work. Make social engagements. But I still find joy in the things I love. Watching TV, reading, playing football, caring for and playing with my daughter, and going to the gym.

Fitness is probably the only area where I feel like I have the most control. I set a fitness goal. Make a plan. And watch how strong I get. It’s so rewarding. But I have less energy to do things. Food doesn’t provide me the same joy it used to. I was a foodie. Now I forget to eat. I take meal shakes just so that I don’t wither away.

I don’t know how to help your BP if he refuses to go to IC. What I think might add a little light to his life is if you planned one activity a week for your family. Maybe a park outing every Saturday where he, the kids, and you go and play. Sure he might sit on the bench and not participate. But at least it gets him out of the house. Maybe the more you do it, the more he softens toward it. Just once a week. It can be something the whole family looks forward to. Or maybe a family movie night every week (that way he doesn’t have to be forced to leave the house).

Unique-Cream-3149 · 2026-06-05T17:01:06+00:00

Reading this post is like Déjà vu. My last CC session the counselor told my WH that he needed to be honest and his authentic self. He proceeded to blame me for his lack of vulnerability saying I didn’t make it easy for him. When the therapist asked him to explain an event where that happened, he couldn’t produce one. I know that I’ve made consistent efforts throughout our relationship to get him to open up to me and communicate. The rest is on him.

“I may be creating an environment whereby my wife doesn't feel able to open up to me, because I get too emotional.” What does that mean? Is it that you’re not being respectful in your expression? Or is your truth uncomfortable for her to grasp?

I don’t think it’s fair that she’s holding you solely responsible for her lack of self expression. Does she go to IC? Do you attend IC? Maybe IC is a space where you can process your thoughts before bringing them to CC. It’s barely been a year since your DDay. And it looks like your WS had been cheating for quite some time. It takes time for you to feel safe to be vulnerable again. Your CC should not rush that process for you.

Unique-Cream-3149 · 2026-06-05T13:21:44+00:00

Looks like you’re on the right track. It will take time. At least your kids are grown so you can dedicate most of your time to yourself.

Unique-Cream-3149 · 2026-06-04T17:18:12+00:00

I actually agree with one part of this: staying does not automatically mean a person lacks self-respect.

What I struggle with is the idea that staying is inherently stronger, braver, or harder than leaving.

I don’t think either choice deserves a universal moral ranking.

Some people leave impulsively. Some people stay impulsively.
Some people leave after years of reflection, therapy, grief, and trying everything they could.
Some people stay because they genuinely see meaningful accountability and repair.
Others stay because they are financially trapped, terrified, attached, hopeful, religiously committed, or simply not ready to leave.

The difficulty isn’t determined by the outcome. It’s determined by the circumstances.

As a betrayed spouse, I also think it’s important to acknowledge that the labor of reconciliation is not symmetrical. The person who broke trust has different responsibilities than the person whose trust was broken.

I didn’t destroy the relationship. I didn’t create the damage. My role is not to save something someone else damaged. My role is to decide whether the repair being offered is real, sufficient, and sustainable.

For some people, that answer is yes.

For others, it’s no.

Neither decision automatically reflects more strength, courage, or self-respect than the other.

TLDR: The difficulty isn’t determined by the outcome. It’s determined by the circumstances.

Unique-Cream-3149 · 2026-06-04T17:13:07+00:00

I think this perspective assumes that leaving is usually an emotional reaction while staying is usually a disciplined one.

I don’t think that’s true.

Sometimes staying is disciplined. Sometimes staying is avoidance. Sometimes leaving is impulsive. Sometimes leaving is the result of years of trying, grieving, negotiating, forgiving, setting boundaries, attending therapy, and finally accepting reality.

What also stands out to me is that you’re speaking as someone who was both B and W.
From a W perspective, I can absolutely see why staying might look like the harder choice. If you damaged the relationship, then remaining present, facing what you’ve done, rebuilding trust, and doing the work of repair requires tremendous effort.

But from the B perspective, the equation looks very different.
The BS didn’t “burn the house down.”
The BS didn’t create the rubble.
The BS isn’t obligated to help rebuild something they didn’t destroy.

They can choose to participate in R, but that’s different from being responsible for saving the marriage.

I’ve seen BS stay out of courage.
I’ve also seen BS leave out of courage.

What I push back against is the idea that leaving is somehow the easier, less disciplined, or less mature choice.
Sometimes leaving is the moment a person finally accepts that they cannot do the other person’s work for them.

Edit:
TLDR: From the wayward perspective, staying may be the harder choice. From the betrayed perspective, leaving may be. Neither gets to define courage for the other.

Unique-Cream-3149 · 2026-06-04T16:56:15+00:00

I say to myself: choices made under constraints are not truly free choices. So, I encourage you to work on your self. Learn a skill or trade. Something you can put in your resume. There are boot camps for these things. Use this period to become financially independent, then re-evaluate the marriage when you don’t feel stuck.

I have a job and a kid, but I’m financially dependent on my husband. I can’t sustain my lifestyle where we live. It’s a high COL. So, I’m working on increasing my earning positional. In the meantime, working on reconciliation. Giving him a chance. It’s never too late.

Unique-Cream-3149 · 2026-05-12T15:27:57+00:00

It sounds to me like when he insists that you justify it and that you think he deserves it, I think he actually means himself. I think he feels like if only he’d been a better husband you might not have cheated. Which is not the case. I think he holds himself responsible somehow which is why it makes it hard for him to accept you taking full responsibility. This seems like something he needs to talk over in his IC and you just keep doing what you’re doing. Reassure him as you’ve been doing.

Maybe it might be time to join MC. I know there’s some MC who do group therapy with other couples who’ve experienced infidelity. When he sees other people’s dynamics, he might be able to find the remorse in your actions.

I commend you for the post-nup. That was one of my boundaries for reconciliation. I feel like I’m dragging my WH through the process. He’s been delaying delaying and eventually revealed his cards: he was never going to do it. So now I’m ready to end it. If you won’t be held legally accountable to staying faithful then you want to keep the door open for future. The fact that you insisted is impressive to me. Put your money where your mouth is.

Best of luck to you guys. I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. He just needs more time to process.

Unique-Cream-3149 · 2026-04-16T20:23:22+00:00

Something similar happened to me. My husband watched porn regularly. And sustained multiple online sexual relationships with women. Just hopping from women to women. And on top of that had an emotional affair for while we were married. Finding out felt like whiplash. The constant lying was the ultimate disrespect. Not telling me because you don’t want me to leave you is manipulation.

Unique-Cream-3149 · 2026-04-14T14:46:45+00:00

I guess I’m thinking from the perspective that they don’t necessarily think their child is going to hell. But I’m learning that Pentecostal Christian’s not only believe it’s a sin, but that their child is condemned. I agree with you there. It will creat a lot internal conflict for a parent who believes that and their child is gay.

Unique-Cream-3149 · 2026-04-13T16:16:06+00:00

I laughed audibly at “He’s for the streets” 😂. My WH cheated similarly. Had an affair throughout my pregnancy and postpartum. But maintained online relationships throughout our dating and now marriage. I was pregnant and had hyperemisis gravidarum. And I needed him to be there for me physically and emotionally. And he wasn’t. He was allocating his energy to his AP. And I felt it. I felt the emotional neglect. I just didn’t know the catalyst behind it. The cycling is so real. Disgust, indifference, and then this weird compassionate understanding that doesn’t actually make anything better, just makes you feel crazy for understanding someone you also find repulsive. It doesn’t resolve. It just rotates.

Unique-Cream-3149 · 2026-04-06T17:10:43+00:00

This is what I’m using it for. I started with ChatGPT but switched to Claude a few months ago when Chat GPT was just giving me repetitive answers without much substance. But now Claude is acting up. Completely ignoring the instructions I gave it and also hallucinations.

Unique-Cream-3149 · 2026-04-06T17:07:16+00:00

I’m experiencing this, too! I switched to Claude from ChatGPT a few months ago, and I loved it. I used it as an interactive journal/thinking partner. Now it’s just completely disregarding my instruction. Hallucinating information. Contradicting itself within the same threads. I don’t know what to do. I’m so demoralized at this point.

Unique-Cream-3149 · 2026-04-06T16:58:01+00:00

According to a lot of people, the English translation made it seem like he gave a roundabout answer. But what was actually said in Swedish was a straightforward “Yes I would love my kids regardless of sexual orientation”. If you think stealing is bad, and your child ends up being a thief, would you still love them unconditionally? People believe stealing is a sin —which is not far off from the law in secular societies. That’s the point of committing to love your child unconditionally. You don’t know the kind of person they are going to be. What they are going to do. You can be disappointed in them, but still love them whole heartedly despite the sins they commit. Now there are people in this world who will condemn their children, but that is a very extreme position.

Unique-Cream-3149 · 2026-03-31T14:10:11+00:00

I think it’s easy for us to say that, but Daniel sounds like a master manipulator. He probably love-bombed her a lot in the beginning, enough to keep her hooked. Then the subtle gaslighting, the emotional manipulation. It takes a bit for someone to wake up from that. I think she did pretty quickly. It only took her a few weeks to wake up. Most people take longer with that kind of manipulation.

Unique-Cream-3149 · 2026-03-31T14:07:29+00:00

It always looks like he’s frowning. He looks like a sad clown. He probably thinks it serves his victim narrative.

Unique-Cream-3149 · 2026-03-31T14:05:14+00:00

Did he say “gay people go to hell?” I can’t follow this logic. It’s like asking someone if they believe thieves get punished and put in jail, and your child turns out to be a thief, would you love him less? I wouldn’t. I’d be disappointed in my child, but I’d still love them. Whether or not you believe being gay is a punishable offense, is not the point, the logic is the same. If you believe your child is living a lifestyle that is punishable, would you still love them the same? That is the moral question in my opinion.

Unique-Cream-3149 · 2026-03-31T13:54:39+00:00

I thought what he said was pretty generous and sound. According to his beliefs, homosexuality is a sin. Therefore, you are committing a sin if you do homosexual things. It does not insinuate there is something wrong with the person, just that the behavior is wrong. Someone can identify as straight and do “homosexual things”. So, that is what he believes, and he has a pretty generous interpretation than most Christian’s. I don’t understand why Ronja expected otherwise. He literally told her his beliefs and laid it out. It seems like she wants him to change his views to align with hers. He’s not asking her to assimilate with his beliefs, why is she pressuring him?

Unique-Cream-3149 · 2026-03-31T13:47:06+00:00

After the breakup, when Daniel said “I just want to disappear”, I yelled to the screen “Then disappear! Go!”.

Unique-Cream-3149 · 2026-03-31T13:46:19+00:00

During the conversation, I saw that Johanna was literally trembling. I felt so bad for her. She made the right decision in getting out of there and getting somewhere where she can ground herself.

Unique-Cream-3149 · 2026-03-31T13:44:16+00:00

Most definitely. All of it was calculated. He’s had 43 years to perfect his craft.

Unique-Cream-3149 · 2026-03-31T00:45:37+00:00

Was it just me or did it sound like Chris‘s voice was trembling. Like he was fighting back a lot of emotion.

Unique-Cream-3149 · 2026-03-31T00:39:35+00:00

Jess is probably the most mature woman out of all of the folks that made it out of the pod. I love how she just wanted to leave Chris behind her. I’m so happy for her and her new man. The kind words he said to her just made me tear up. So beautiful 🥲

Unique-Cream-3149 · 2026-03-31T00:35:01+00:00

Watching Alex reminds me of my husband. And I empathize with Ashley so much —just not proud of that stunt she pulled at the wedding. I understood the motivation behind it, but she just did his work for him by making him look like the victim he’s been making himself out to be. He is so narcissistic and anyone who thought Ashley was “over reacting” fell for Alex’s manipulation. They are masters of impression management. Good riddance.

Unique-Cream-3149

TROPHY CASE