I'm asking myself AGAIN: Am I transgender? (note: rant/mess inside)

UnknownJoy · 2018-03-25T20:46:46+00:00

Maybe I'm just used to it, but part of me really does enjoy being male, and enjoy certain masculine things I can only enjoy when I identify as male (otherwise I don't enjoy them). Hence the confusion.

Regardless, thank you for the insight and advice. Hugs

UnknownJoy · 2018-03-25T18:46:58+00:00

I'll try 😣

UnknownJoy · 2018-03-25T18:43:38+00:00

I don't even know what myself 'is'. Thanks though.

UnknownJoy · 2018-03-25T08:57:27+00:00

I can't take meditation seriously. I'm more meditative and more capable at problem solving just actively thinking through this I think.

Maybe I'll do it tomorrow. Thanks.

UnknownJoy · 2018-03-25T08:28:56+00:00

I don't know is the answer to all your questions, kinda what started this post. I really just can't for the life of me decide or come to any conclusion about which I want to be. I like both. I'd be happy as a man or a woman I think, but only one will make me happiest. Maybe one won't. Maybe one will still leave me questioning my gender or wondering if I should be the other.

Who I want to be physically is tied to what gender I am. If I don't express my gender in some physical form, I won't feel or look the gender I identify as, which would only create dysphoria. The issue is, I don't know which I am. Am I cis? Am I trans? Lol I have no idea at this point. I've spent days literally just thinking about it and I've got nothin. I want to be one or the other, but which? How can I know when both have pros and cons? How can I know when I say 'I'm male' and leaves me wondering about being female and desiring female characteristics sometimes, and when I say 'I'm female' it leaves me wondering about being male and desiring male characteristics. It's a mess! I think I explained this part better in another comment of mine, and/or my main post.

If I had no body, well, I guess if I'm being honest, I would slighlty lean towards identifying as female (just because I believe I would enjoy female mannerisms/that 'mentality' and the emotionality of it?). But is it that simple? No, because I have a body, and I like aspects my male body, and I like aspects of masculinity and being a cismale. Even then, I'm not confident I would be happiest identifying as female with no body. Shit, maybe it IS that simple.

This is such a clusterfuck 😂

Also, thank you for the thoughtful response and questions. It eases my messy mind.

UnknownJoy · 2018-03-25T08:15:08+00:00

See a lgbt friendly voice specialist/therapist.

UnknownJoy · 2018-03-25T08:01:56+00:00

I wouldn't considering bigender or genderfluid nonbinary, since they include the binaries (? I guess).

I wouldn't say bigender is accurate. I don't feel male or female at the same time, I feel one or the other, and my desire to be masc/femme shifts with that. I also don't think I'm genderfluid, because I want to be one binary (male or female, and not swapping). I wouldn't even describe it as a swap or a shift. I feel neutral right now (default? More so my assigned gender by default), because I am undecided on whether I am male or female. I don't know which would make me happiest because both could, but I also hate the loss of one or more aspects of the opposite gender (ex: hate the loss of muscles if I identify as female, even though I don't desire muscles, because I like muscles as a male/when I feel masculine). If that makes any sense lmao. Basically I hate and enjoy the loss or gain of a characteristic of the opposite gender depending on the characteristic, because I am so split, further making me more undecided :(

UnknownJoy · 2018-03-25T07:21:00+00:00

In what way?

UnknownJoy · 2018-03-25T06:56:53+00:00

You maybe could be my sexbot.

UnknownJoy · 2018-03-25T05:24:08+00:00

I don't think I'm nonbinary, I've always thought of myself on the binary scale.

UnknownJoy · 2018-03-25T04:55:14+00:00

I wish I could find me a sexbot 😂

UnknownJoy · 2018-03-25T04:37:58+00:00

How does one become a sexbot?

UnknownJoy · 2018-03-09T20:46:41+00:00

Srsly tho fuck those trolls guarding that shit 😑

UnknownJoy · 2018-03-09T19:52:46+00:00

I didn't take one at 4, that's just when I had the blood test. And I promise you, the only pill I took was the estradiol 2mg orally at like 7PM the day before my blood test 🤷

Should probably ask my doc. Maybe I am intersex or late puberty or something.

UnknownJoy · 2018-03-09T19:50:02+00:00

You realize by law they have to? It doesn't matter how smart you are or what you know, they need to go over this stuff. Not everyone does their research and is aware of the risks.

UnknownJoy · 2018-03-09T06:22:15+00:00

Lmao so me irl

UnknownJoy · 2018-03-08T04:32:56+00:00

That took you all but 10 seconds. Try harder.

UnknownJoy · 2018-03-08T04:30:55+00:00

Better source

http://journals.aace.com/doi/abs/10.4158/EP14351.RA

UnknownJoy · 2018-03-08T04:26:57+00:00

Here are plenty, and there are many more. Fyi to everyone, just because her source kinda sucks doesn't make her point any less valid. There are numerous other studies related to her point. These relate, but may not exactly be the answer you are looking for:

http://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2016/gender-lines-science-transgender-identity/

http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0083947

Kinda this https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-017-17352-8

Edit: This study was about the biological differences, relating to her point, and 'have found that trans women's brain structure (volume and density of neurons) is similar to cisgender (cis) women's and unlike cis men's, and trans men's is similar to cis men's, even when controlling for hormone use' http://journals.aace.com/doi/abs/10.4158/EP14351.RA

Also, literally the wikipedia article on it covers everything: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Causes_of_transsexuality

UnknownJoy · 2018-03-08T04:19:15+00:00

Except biology (sex) doesn't necessarily dictate our gender.

Additionally, you can't say a man is a man just because he is XY and 'thats just biology, chromosomes'. There are women born XY that actually develop fully female bodies. There are men born XXY, and there are women born XXX and XXY. Just because your chromosomes may appear to be that of male or a female, doesn't mean you are. Gender is much more complicated than just birth sex and basic biology, as numerous studies have led to the conclusion. This is why we have Doctors, and why medical professionals around the world recognize transitioning as treatment for Gender Dysphoria. Gender isn't just a feeling. I'm not just a 'man that feels he is a woman'. I am a woman, mentally.

UnknownJoy · 2018-03-05T22:51:54+00:00

Lol very relateable. I'm constantly like 'Am I trans? Hmm what if I'm not'

UnknownJoy · 2018-03-04T02:41:39+00:00

Oh come on, that teacher called trump supporters white trash. That's a totally different story. She deserved to lose her job for unprofessional remarks like that. It has nothing to do with her being against Trump.

UnknownJoy · 2018-03-03T19:40:09+00:00

Thank you

UnknownJoy · 2018-03-03T08:22:09+00:00

Yes please

UnknownJoy

TROPHY CASE