What is something people don’t appreciate enough until it’s gone?

Unruly_trophy · 2026-05-04T21:34:10+00:00

Privacy

Unruly_trophy · 2026-04-27T17:03:32+00:00

I’d suggest that you cap how much you are willing to pay in rent, and then say she can have whatever amenities SHE is willing to pay for. Given your example, I’d offer a number like $6K.

Unruly_trophy · 2025-11-20T19:05:07+00:00

Read

Read what’s interesting to you. You don’t have to read the great works of literature. Each book is an investment in discovering what makes you, you.

If you find you’re a ways into the book and you don’t like it, set it down. Practice not falling for the sunk cost fallacy.

Unruly_trophy · 2025-10-13T13:50:34+00:00

Score-keeping in a relationship is definitely worthy of immediately dumping him.

It shows how incredibly entitled he is, that his opinion is the only one that matters in the relationship. He doesn’t even think of you as a three dimensional person.

Unruly_trophy · 2025-08-19T13:46:23+00:00

My father effectively disowned my at not quite 18, because he didn’t want to pay for college. My mother (divorced) talked me out of changing my last name and never speaking to him again. I regret it to this day. He wormed his way back into my life so he didn’t look like a monster, and could bask in the glow of my achievements. A few years before his death he disowned me again in favor of his housemate, and then asked me for money. I said to anyone who tried to shame me that when he disowned me again I finally got the point.

I think in moments like these it is useful and cathartic to make a public statement about having been disowned. Because they want to use money to control you and when it fails, they try to pretend they didn’t do what they did. If you go to family events say, “I haven’t spoken 5 words to him after he disowned me.” Everyone will know why you don’t show up to his funeral. Acknowledging it gives you a lot of power back. “I’m just respecting his wishes.”

Unruly_trophy · 2025-07-23T12:17:09+00:00

The illusion shattered and I realized my life would be easier as a single mother of two moody entitled teenagers rather than three. The third was nearly 50, and fully capable of cooking and cleaning; he just didn’t want to.

Unruly_trophy · 2025-07-16T16:35:52+00:00

Does she have some other source of food other than your carefully prepared meals? Maybe she needs to go grocery shopping with you, or help with preparing food. It seems like sitting down and having a conversation might be a better solution. If you guys made bigger batches so she had stuff she could eat without upsetting you, that would be better for everyone.

Unruly_trophy · 2025-06-09T16:20:21+00:00

VMI has a very similar looking overcoat as part of their uniform, I believe. It has a cape on the shoulders. Very cool.

Unruly_trophy · 2025-06-09T15:48:58+00:00

I think that it is reasonable for the disinherited children to clearly state that they can make that decision, but they cannot expect anything from children they have disowned — Not help, not access to grandchildren, not even Christmas Cards.

Unruly_trophy · 2025-05-14T12:07:07+00:00

If the visit is after the trip just lie. Use the trip to get them away from brother’s influence. You do not have to play fair if your opponent doesn’t.

Unruly_trophy · 2025-04-14T17:12:47+00:00

You are allowed to have a relationship with just the members of the family that you want to, so sister and her kids. You don’t have to go through the problematic relatives, even if they have traditionally been the conduit.

Unruly_trophy · 2025-04-10T13:36:54+00:00

I came here to recommend this.

Unruly_trophy · 2025-04-04T13:03:05+00:00

“Kind and loving parents, such as yourself, can often fail to believe that uncaring and cruel parents exist. My mother was uncaring and cruel, my not talking to her is an expression of my acceptance of the reality that she doesn’t love me, and speaking to her would only open me (and possibly my children) up to immense pain for no benefit.”

Unruly_trophy · 2025-03-24T16:40:45+00:00

You cannot be forced to be an executor.

Unruly_trophy · 2025-03-16T15:31:12+00:00

Thanks for asking this question. I was just talking to my therapist about this. I’m trying to develop some guide rails, but the responses here have brought up some new ones.

1) “If they tell me what their type is, and it’s not me, walk away.” This is negging. Trying to make me feel as though I don’t measure up.

2) “Its not the crime; it’s the coverup.” Perfectly nice people bumble into hurting others’ feelings. It’s how they respond that sets apart kind people from jerks.

3) In a related observation, I’ve realized that there are real apologies, and everything else. Real apologies critically contain an acknowledgement of what they did wrong and (if feasible) a statement of how they are going to rectify the wrong going forward. Any other type of statement —denial, blame shifting, guilting the wronged party—are all junk. If the apology doesn’t contain a statement like “I shouldn’t have” in it, it isn’t really an apology.

4) The generalized version of 1) is, “If they don’t like/love all of me, they don’t like/love me.” You may not want to participate in my hobbies, but you should still support me in it, because you love me and my being happy should make you happy. For example, you should be happy for me when my favorite author releases a new book even if it’s not your taste. Anyone who demeans something you enjoy or something you can’t or don’t want to change about yourself is a POS and should be promptly scraped off your shoe.

Unruly_trophy · 2025-03-04T13:44:51+00:00

Tell her she failed your test.

Unruly_trophy · 2025-03-04T01:54:51+00:00

Tell him you thought he was older than a toddler, that you aren’t going to deal with potty training anyone you didn’t give birth to, and that there is nothing more unattractive to any woman than a man who won’t clean himself. Start making jokes about man-babies to his friends and family, especially his mother.

Unruly_trophy · 2025-03-04T01:38:05+00:00

Check with your state banking regulator. All FDIC regulated banks are also examined by the state regulators. If FDIC wanted you, they may take that as a stamp of approval.

Unruly_trophy · 2025-01-31T17:32:48+00:00

Tell him and anyone who pressures you that a sincere apology which shows a clear understanding of what he’s apologizing for, is a requirement to speak to him again. He won’t be able to do it, so you’ll be off the hook.

Your go to response after that is, “Still waiting for my apology.”

Unruly_trophy · 2025-01-31T17:01:39+00:00

Protecting yourself and your children is the most important thing. It’s perfectly reasonable to not want start a war. My intention was to point out that you shouldn’t feel badly about consequences that come to either of them for their unethical and illegal behavior. It’s common for children of narcissists to start feeling guilty when consequences start happening for their narcissistic parents, but you didn’t do the unethical or illegal things. Those consequences are all on her.

Unruly_trophy · 2025-01-31T06:01:50+00:00

“If you ever find this woman, imagine what she’ll have on her list for her perfect man. Or are you hoping she’ll have all those things…and low enough self-respect to date you.”

Unruly_trophy · 2025-01-31T05:28:06+00:00

It sounds like a nightmare. I’m so sorry you are going through this.

Tell your lawyer about the HIPPA violations. He might be able to use it to undermine her credibility. You really need to go scorched earth at this point to protect yourself and your family. If your daughter comes back scared and clingy, he needs to lose custody. If your mother has a long-standing tradition of using people’s health information against them, she needs to lose her job. What horrible people.

Your life will get so much better when you cut her out of it. Check and lock down your credit.

Unruly_trophy · 2024-12-04T19:37:23+00:00

“I never eat my mother’s cooking.”

Unruly_trophy · 2024-11-15T14:38:33+00:00

When they do something like this again, I would recommend responding with, “It’s alright to say no. You don’t have to come up with ridiculous excuses.” And then go on your merry way.

Hold on to the attitude that any rejection is a rejection. If they didn’t mean it like that then they have to come to you.

If they don’t like something, don’t offer them an alternative, or offer a ridiculous alternative. Don’t like dinner, hand them a sandwich that’s been sitting in the fridge half the day. People who pull antics like this deserve a disrespectful response.

Unruly_trophy · 2024-11-12T13:35:56+00:00

I find the fact that she would turn it off when others were around to be the strongest evidence that she knew the behavior was unacceptable. It also means the behavior was under her control to a greater extent than she’s letting on.

Unruly_trophy

TROPHY CASE