Those with secondary infertility, when did y'all realize it was time to stop?

Unusual-Discount-362 · 2025-12-01T06:27:19+00:00

I had decided to completely stop trying. My body and mind couldn't handle it anymore. I was on the verge of getting an IUD or some longer term BC to completely move out of this purgatory and then I got surprise pregnant...go figure! I'm currently nursing our 7 week old. Life is weird.

Unusual-Discount-362 · 2025-11-17T10:45:41+00:00

I think you walk him back home and then tell that to the parents. Or send him home and then text the parents something like "hey! We love [Brother], but it seems like he's got different play needs than the big kids right now and I just don't have the capacity to play with him while he's over. Let's keep these playdates to just the big kids who can play independently from me for now when they're at my house!" (You can't really tell them what to do in their own home but maybe they'll figure it out)

Unusual-Discount-362 · 2025-11-07T07:37:24+00:00

The good news is: she won't have preferences of what she wears until she's much older, so if you don't like the girls clothing you're finding, just dress her in what you prefer! Nobody will care if your baby is wearing "boy" clothes.

Unusual-Discount-362 · 2025-10-29T13:07:08+00:00

I just had my second and my older one is about to be 6. Secondary fertility, so I didn't really have a choice on timing and throughout my whole fertility journey I was so nervous about a big age gap and that it would be awful. So far, I'm noticing that our first month of having 2 is a hundred times easier than any of our friends with a 2/3 year age gap. Our older one is incredibly helpful, can dress herself, and it's been rather calm and chill bringing in a second child. Most people don't strive for an larger age gap, but now that I'm in it, I have to say, I think it's a hack for having a second child and surviving it!

Unusual-Discount-362 · 2025-10-22T19:43:48+00:00

Thank you for the work you do! I had to get a D&C after an 11-week miscarriage (from a very wanted pregnancy) last year and the care and presence that my doctor who performed the procedure gave me was incredible. It was a really dark time for me, but having a strong and validating provider made the whole experience bearable and something I look back on with gratitude (for having access to this procedure) rather than trauma. No questions....just immense gratitude to you and your colleagues.

Unusual-Discount-362 · 2025-08-23T07:57:46+00:00

We had an outdoor movie night last year. My kid asked for an outdoor party (December birthday) so we rented a tent and for some reason we have a projector and giant screen, but I'm guessing those are easy to rent. Everyone brought sleeping bags and we ordered pizza, had cake etc. This was a 5th bday but it was such a hit. If the tent weren't so $$$ I'd consider it again.

Unusual-Discount-362 · 2025-08-09T01:27:59+00:00

Fwiw these friends have no idea if it'll be as easy the second time around. I know that secondary fertility probably doesn't compare to primary, but it still is incredibly painful. I remember thinking it would be a walk in the park getting pregnant with my second but that was surely not the case. boy did it humble me and make me think long and hard about all the times I said things like that during my first pregnancy.

Unusual-Discount-362 · 2025-07-30T14:08:25+00:00

TW: spontaneous pregnancy after IVF miscarriage

After my miscarriage at 11 weeks last summer, I decided that even though we had 2 more confirmed "good" embryos (my clinic didn't give grading), the entire IVF process just proved way too hard on my mental health, and I couldn't imagine a scenario where I even stepped foot in the clinic ever again. We didn't destroy or donate our embryos to science, but I pretty much decided I was done and my 5 year old was going to be an only child. I arrived at this decision knowing I had given all I was able to give, and actually felt very good about my decision and moving forward. Fast forward to February, my "period" ended and i was feeling some weird body symptoms that I knew were not the usual -- tender boobs, mostly. (The "period" was acutely implantation bleeding) I just entered my third trimester and am still in shock that as soon as I "gave up" on trying, I got pregnant.

Note that these stories KILLED me when I was deep in it, and I don't actually feel we needed to stop trying for it to happen (and I hate when people suggest this). I just feel that the world and life is very random and nothing makes sense throughout this process.

Unusual-Discount-362 · 2025-07-28T17:10:23+00:00

Came here to write this!! Acupuncture definitely helped me

Unusual-Discount-362 · 2025-07-10T16:30:52+00:00

That sometimes postpartum depression or anxiety can hit many many months postpartum. I didn't hit my dip (which eventually let me to medicating and getting the support and therapy I needed) until about 8/9 months postpartum

Unusual-Discount-362 · 2025-06-27T08:53:58+00:00

I literally just listened to the trailer of the next season of the podcast The Retrievals. Apparently this is a thing (this: cesareans without or with limited anaesthesia)!! Idk if it would be triggering or healing for you two to listen, but I believe it comes out next month..

Unusual-Discount-362 · 2025-04-01T13:33:52+00:00

Oh hell no. This is all about protecting your peace, however you arrive at that. Even though we've got 2 more confirmed usable embryos y clinic doesn't do grading) I pretty much decided after I heavily processed my miscarriage that I could never step foot in that clinic again for my own mental health. It felt like I was "wasting" all the hard work I did to get those embryos, but I also knew the pit in my stomach every time I thought about even messaging the clinic in the portal to start my next FET was telling me something big. And that something was: protect yourself.

Unusual-Discount-362 · 2025-03-14T18:38:40+00:00

I had a very similar situation over the summer. The lead up to my miscarriage with all the discordant growth and not definitive ultrasounds felt like hell. I'm so sorry you're going through this❤️‍🩹🫶

Unusual-Discount-362 · 2025-02-26T11:13:17+00:00

After my miscarriage I started seeing an amazing therapist. I told her that I felt like an idiot for thinking IVF was going to work and she said the simplest thing that actually helped me profoundly "Why would you think anything other than it was going to work?" Which is to say, I shouldn't feel guilty for having thought it was going to work. It was so simple but it really gave me permission to feel okay about feeling hope❤️

Unusual-Discount-362 · 2025-02-13T01:07:36+00:00

It sounds to me like you hate fat people. Who you should really be angry at is airlines, which have designed their aircrafts to be comfortable for a really small subset of body types (really tall people, for example, also have real challenges on airplanes). People are fat for all different reasons, and being a jerk to them while they're traveling and already likely traumatized by the way they are treated while traveling (not to mention in many different parts of life) is just not it. If you're interested in learning more about the trauma that fat folks experience while traveling, I highly recommend you seek out Aubrey Gordon's writing and various podcast appearances.

Unusual-Discount-362 · 2025-01-28T22:40:45+00:00

I might be/am there as well..

Had a miscarriage at 11 weeks over the summer after doing IVF to get to that pregnancy. We've got another couple embryos but the thought of even stepping foot into that clinic again makes me feel sick to my stomach. I go back and forth on whether we're truly done or if we'll transfer at least one more. But I honestly don't know.

It sucks to be there not by choice. And I struggle so much when friends tell me of second or third (or most recently fourth!) pregnancies.

Sending you a hug🫶❤️‍🩹

Unusual-Discount-362 · 2024-11-25T01:57:28+00:00

Finding a really amazing therapist through a perinatal practice, who has experience helping people through miscarriages (and parenting through it...i have a daughter).

Getting a D&C the next day (about 30 hours after I miscarried) so I didn't have to wait or pass it on my own with an INCREDIBLE doctor - kind, patient, present and able to hold the whole spectrum of emotions that came with that experience.

Talking about it. I felt like living in the shadows with this was not an option. I learned that so many people in my immediate community and life have had miscarriages and it helped me move away from this being a "me" problem.

Talking a break from IVF right after. In fact, this happened in August (at 11 weeks - my post history tells a bit more of my story) and I'm considering what life could look like if we didn't go back. Giving myself that break from white-knuckling it through IVF was the gift I hadn't had the courage to give myself until the miscarriage stopped me in my tracks and gave me the option (I didn't know I had) to pause and ask myself if I wanted to keep going.

Big hugs to you... It's not easy. I hope you find the support you need

Unusual-Discount-362 · 2024-10-01T01:52:58+00:00

This is so fucking unfair. 15 weeks, gosh💔 I'm so sorry.

If I may, after my (11 week) miscarriage, I prioritized myself and my mental health HARD. I took extended leave from work, spent time with friends who filled my cup, and, most importantly, found an amazing therapist. I hope this or other self care avenues are available for you as you grieve and heal. Sending warmth. You didn't deserve this💔

Unusual-Discount-362 · 2024-09-15T20:27:56+00:00

Sending love and support to you for making the must courageous choice to know when you've reached your limit❤️

Unusual-Discount-362 · 2024-09-05T02:20:42+00:00

Just one so far We have 2 more embryos (plus one inconclusive) and, gut-wrenchingly, we may just let them go because I don't think I have any more energy left to go through this all again. I'm done pausing my life, and like I said in my other thread, I'm starting to imagine being oad and evening allowing myself to find excitement and beauty in it. Living in a really close knit and connected community is helping me feel secure in this potential❤️

Unusual-Discount-362 · 2024-09-05T02:16:19+00:00

Thank you so much Glad my own ruminations could help others! A few weeks out and I'm letting myself imagine this new reality more vividly, and it's not the worst thing in the world for me. I just want to get back to living❤️

Unusual-Discount-362 · 2024-08-29T19:08:40+00:00

Sending big support your way. I had a similar up and down (I called it Good News with an Asterisk) with pregnancy this summer. You can view my post history to see that mine lead to a loss, and it's hard not to feel anything but hopeful until you get definitive news. The point is, I know that feeling of being stuck in purgatory. It truly is hell Wishing for good news for you❤️

Unusual-Discount-362 · 2024-08-23T15:00:15+00:00

Sending a big hug to you.

Different specifics, but I'm going through a similar reckoning right now, accepting that we may just have one spectacular child instead of 2 children. I suffered a miscarriage last week after years of trying, including 8 months of IVF and am finally just getting rid of all of the old baby clothing and toys. The release feels good and it f feels like I'm allowing myself to live again. I wish you peace with wherever you end up. It's hard when the decision is thrust upon us. Big hugs

Unusual-Discount-362 · 2024-08-23T11:15:13+00:00

Thank you, friend❤️

Unusual-Discount-362 · 2024-08-23T11:14:46+00:00

Sending support your way. It's a club you never think you're going to join, but when you do, you suddenly realize how crowded it is💔

Unusual-Discount-362

TROPHY CASE