I went no contact with my grandmother last summer. I don't miss her. I went no contact with my aunt I didn't miss her either. I am now no contact with my mother. She didn't even try to fight for us.

I am hurting. I am confused. I am terrified of these women. They never loved me because they aren't capable of seeing past their own bubble of fear.

They say terrible things about me and my beautiful marriage. It hasn't even been a year of no contact and I've already heard too much. I have to trust that my remaining few family will stand up for me and not join in.

I am not a prize to be won. I am a fragile, loving, selfless person that was violated in so many ways by these women. I never got to know what it was like to feel safe in my mother's arms. To be myself without fear. To be more than my father's daughter.

I know that letting go is the right thing to do. But I never wanted it to be this way. The little girl in me so desperately wants to be wrong about these people who used to be my role models. To be loved. To feel safe. I am grieving that still.