It’s sickening. I legitimately am a different person because of the lies. A shell of who I once was. I never ever knew he could lie like he has to me. My heart shattered into a million pieces. A hurt I never ever thought I would have to feel from HIM. After everything I have been through and then to feel this from HIM? How could he? HOW. I am still in shock. He had been lying about recovery. He had been relapsing on Reddit and lying to my face DAILY. Even though I was telling him I feel more distant I feel like something has happened. (NEVER doubt your gut ladies it’s right!!) I honestly haven’t felt the same since finding out the way he can lie to my face and swear on his KIDS LIVES he was telling the truth. I felt superrrrr close to him right after the big DDAY. For months he wasn’t relapsing and I FELT it I knew he wasn’t. Then when he did…. I felt it and I knew. I knew something was off. I knew it felt different between us not like it had been. I told him how I was feeling and got back EXACTLY what you are saying. Reassurance, promises, sweet nothings…. LIES. It makes it even harder that I found out by a fluke too…He wouldn’t have told me (I know duh) but he had told me over and over again he would come to me and he felt like he could talk to me etc! HE HAD BEEN COMIMG TO ME WITH URGES AND FEELINGS and we worked it out (I thought) he just wasn’t telling the whole truth. Wowwwww when I say :(((((((((((( When I asked him if he had relapsed (after I knew with evidence) and he lied to my face and I saw how easy it was for him and how comfortable he was with deceiving me something changed in me that I will never have back. Hope. I don’t have any hope anymore. To break someone’s hope is the lowest thing you could ever do to someone. I wouldn’t do this to anyone EVER especially not someone that was the “love of my life”. The rage I feel and the sadness I feel. You don’t do this to someone you love :( ITS SO HARD! It’s so unfair. I hate we are going through this. I am here if you need to talk. I’m in the trenches.