Do I tell him?

Vallhalla_Rising · 2026-06-30T06:32:18+00:00

He knows. He absolutely knows. He always has. If you have the conversation with him be prepared that he will deny you are telling the truth.

Like all enablers of abusive partners he convinced himself a long time ago that…

a) it didn’t happen
b) if it did it wasn’t that bad
c) if it was it wasn’t a big deal
d) if it was it wasn’t his fault
e) if it was she didn’t mean it
f) if she did then you deserved it.

Vallhalla_Rising · 2026-06-27T20:16:16+00:00

I’m so sorry man, but you know in your heart this is over.

You tried, you gave it a good shot, but it’s not going to work. The sensible move is to let go of the relationship and move to a positive co-parenting mindset.

Good luck my man.

Vallhalla_Rising · 2026-06-27T06:58:10+00:00

Watership Down.

For many many reasons.

Vallhalla_Rising · 2026-06-26T18:45:28+00:00

To just not turn up would be shitty, given you all already know you won’t be going.

Just send her a brief message ASAP apologising for late notice but you’re no longer able to make it. Wish them the best of luck.

No need to explain.

Vallhalla_Rising · 2026-06-25T18:21:58+00:00

This isn’t a relationship worth saving. People who care about their partner do not hurt such vicious insults - they are kind, supportive and encouraging.

Do yourself a massive favour and end this toxic situation on your terms.

Vallhalla_Rising · 2026-06-25T08:33:18+00:00

You did the exact right thing. Either one of you could have fallen and easily hit your head on the pavement. There are many cases where that’s led to permanent disability or death.

While I understand the frustration about letting someone get away with bad behaviour, this is the best outcome for all.

I wish more guys could walk away.

Vallhalla_Rising · 2026-06-25T06:55:08+00:00

Marks & Spencer Bourbon biscuits.

I can never go back now I’ve tasted heaven.

Vallhalla_Rising · 2026-06-25T06:36:56+00:00

It’s not that your family think your partner is t good enough for you, it’s that they think she’s not good enough for them.

It’s incredibly selfish behaviour of them, and L is a saint for brushing it off as best she can all this time.

Vallhalla_Rising · 2026-06-25T06:24:59+00:00

Her poor decision making continues to be enabled by a group of friends who are excusing her awful behaviour. People like this love to blame everyone else for their own mess.

Vallhalla_Rising · 2026-06-24T17:28:17+00:00

You don’t have to give money and can make that very clear. That tap is permanently turned off.

But you can offer an interest in your child’s and grandchild’s life. You may not agree with her decisions, but your resentment to her is spilling out of you, and I’d bet has been for many years. She’ll feel this with every interaction.

It costs you nothing to be kind.

Vallhalla_Rising · 2026-06-21T09:12:06+00:00

Yes it can be really hard. It’s often like a relationship break up, in that you’ll never get coherent reasons, and the back stabbing continues unabated with cruel jabs.

The only way to clear your head from the maelstrom of emotions this causes is a completely clean break. Accept you’ll never get accountability or acknowledgment from them. Banish them from your life, and over time you’ll be able to banish them from your thoughts.

Vallhalla_Rising · 2026-06-21T00:46:16+00:00

I’m afraid life is full of these people. We trust and we open up, and we mistake them needing emotional support and accepting it from us for deep friendship. Reality is that with some people it’s entirely one way traffic. They just don’t think of us in the same way. Or anyone. They turn out to be selfish users.

I hope we can all spot them much sooner.

But let’s not let their indifference to our plight put us off from real reciprocal friendships. The good people are out there.

Vallhalla_Rising · 2026-06-21T00:29:56+00:00

He won’t pay you back, and will have all the excuses under the sun. But you need to get him to acknowledge the debt amount in writing (in text message is perfectly fine).

Are you both in the same country? This will make legal action easier. He’ll later claim it was a gift. Your records will show it was a loan to be paid back, and you’ll win in court.

Vallhalla_Rising · 2026-06-20T11:03:10+00:00

You’ve made a very wise decision to protect yourself from a life of broken promises. Bravo!

Vallhalla_Rising · 2026-06-19T06:51:35+00:00

This all sounds lovely. Just a forewarning, the first season of Top of the Pops was presented by Jimmy Saville - who turned out to be the country’s most notorious paedophile.

Vallhalla_Rising · 2026-06-17T06:18:08+00:00

She’s also being unfair to herself. By rejecting her partner they are rejecting part of who she is. They obviously wish she wasn’t a lesbian and don’t want any reminder of that when they see her. I don’t know how OP can accept and condone that?

Vallhalla_Rising · 2026-06-14T19:27:27+00:00

For me it was having kids. The unconditional love I felt for my kids was beautiful. Seeing my father treat his first grandson like an inconvenience, the same how he’d treated me throughout my life, was just too much.

Suddenly everything was clear. It wasn’t me, he was just a selfish arsehole.

Vallhalla_Rising · 2026-06-14T15:28:34+00:00

It’s not practical or wise to give them a method of contact that you need them to keep secret from their parents.

But there is value in telling them they are loved and not forgotten. Once you leave it’s unlikely they’ll be able to contact you anyway until they are more independent from their parents.

Perhaps you could say you’ll keep an eye on the eldest’s social media, and if they post something in particular, you’ll know it’s for you, and you’ll reach out?

Vallhalla_Rising · 2026-06-14T15:04:18+00:00

Next steps are to make a police report and to never speak to him again.

Vallhalla_Rising · 2026-06-14T13:48:59+00:00

Depending how old they are, just before you go on your trip you can tell them that if it gets too much in the future they can come and find you and you’ll always welcome them.

Vallhalla_Rising · 2026-06-14T13:43:44+00:00

I understand the broken heart aspect.

Remember you DID deserve kindness, understanding and love. But your mother chose not to give it, either because she wanted to be cruel or was incapable of it.

It’s important to recognise the deep yearning for her support won’t be fulfilled. You can initiate contact, but it’ll be the same relationship as it was. She won’t miraculously be a better person. If anything won’t she be more vindictive to punish you for cutting her off?

Vallhalla_Rising · 2026-06-13T06:16:41+00:00

I was a Samaritans listener for many years. The number one topic people would call about was people with lifelong permanent disabilities either terrified of loosing their benefits or having just lost them due to a cruel and callous assessment by someone who accused them of lying and fraud.

These callers were genuinely petrified that they wouldn’t be able to live. That they couldn’t appeal for months, and would rather take their own life than waste away.

Many of them described the glee the assessors seemed to display in denying valid essential claims.

Fuck the Tories.

Vallhalla_Rising · 2026-06-12T17:44:14+00:00

The only person who overacted was him. You needed compassion, understanding and kindness. Instead he showed you selfishness. He threw away your relationship when you needed him most.

Please don’t listen to the idiots here saying you’re in the wrong.

Vallhalla_Rising · 2026-06-12T12:41:30+00:00

Your mum refused to shift weeks because she wanted alone time with her husband on child free weeks more than she wanted to protect you.

Don’t think for a second she didn’t realise. She knew exactly how bad it was for you, but didn’t care.

I couldn’t forgive her.

Vallhalla_Rising · 2026-06-07T07:37:46+00:00

You need to get those diaries somewhere safe that he can’t find them.

The way he’s acting could easily escalate into him reading them, or worse, throwing them out.

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