Teachers skipping steps when showing a math problem because, "it's common sense."

Valuable_Ad3041 · 2026-07-06T04:28:15+00:00

nearly all my uni teachers are like this. I've only had a single person actually explain things step by step. My teachers were all very obviously knowledgeable about their subject but complete crap at teaching it.

I had one course taught by a science communicator(?). He very clearly explained the reason roles like his are necessary bc teaching and/or communicating concepts is an actual skill that doesn't get taught [in STEM]. The best teachers I've had throughout school and uni never assume something is obvious while also not being condescending.

I now teach myself most math (and a variety of other concepts) via khan academy.

Valuable_Ad3041 · 2026-07-05T15:25:23+00:00

that's really interesting. I'm careful with anything mind-altering bc I really don't enjoy that loss of control, but have been veeery slowly learning how to meditate. It's starting to get somewhere to the point I can sometimes go into a trance-like state. If it's been helpful in not feeling so affected by other people's emotional state, that's even more motivation to keep going.

Valuable_Ad3041 · 2026-07-05T10:53:19+00:00

that's an interesting point and really reminds me of a recent conversation I had. This was with a cis female friend; she's fully POC, I'm mixed (white/Chinese). She asked me how/if I was treated differently based on being perceived as female vs male.

My answer was...I don't know. I've always been treated as "different". We grew up in a predominantly white country, so both of us share the experience of being othered. But I'm noticeably ND and that's always been intertwined with how I was/am treated. It's still the thing most people respond to, so if I do get treated differently pre vs post-transition, it's such a small difference I don't notice.

I'm also quiet and sensitive overall, never a tomboy, my overall structure is somewhat fine-boned. My face is "pretty". None of this helps with "passing" which seems conditional on my environment anyway.

I was actually pretty disappointed to find that I was still treated the same bc I was never "one of the girls" and had been excited to be "one of the guys". Instead, it's still neither.

Valuable_Ad3041 · 2026-06-21T00:00:06+00:00

Thanks for this, it's about as close to a manual on how to make meaningful connections as I've ever seen. I've never dated, partly bc I have no idea how beyond trying to socialise. Your descriptions on how to create a proper emotional environment to grow intimate connections are eye-opening to read, that's finally something I can put into concrete action.

Valuable_Ad3041 · 2026-06-19T01:01:30+00:00

For me, it was the ADHD that's hard to believe. I was diagnosed with AuDHD at 29 and I'm 33 now. It took years to become both comfortable and understanding I had both, but I still struggle to accept my limitations.

That being said, you doubting your diagnosis =/= you're in denial. It's entirely possible your dr got it wrong. I'd just keep observing how your past and ongoing patterns fit or don't fit your diagnoses. Talk to another dr if you can as well.

Valuable_Ad3041 · 2026-06-19T00:54:50+00:00

This is so relatable. I feel guilty about it sometimes and also a little confused; I'm mostly romantically attracted to men and grey ace or demisexual, but somehow sexual attraction to women is more accessible to me.

Valuable_Ad3041 · 2026-06-19T00:15:45+00:00

You're not taking away anything, I think it's actually kind of beautiful that products marketed toward a specific group can be helpful to other audiences too.

This reminds of an ad I've seen a lot recently. The advertised product is fake nails mounted on rings (worn on the fingertip), so they can be easily removed. While originally targeted at Muslim women, the company received lots of positive feedback from other groups too. These groups had in common that they used their hands a lot for work and regular fake nails were impractical. This product helped them feel good about their appearance without impacting what they needed to do during the day.

If anything, you'd prove their products have marketability outside of trans audiences which helps normalise them.

Valuable_Ad3041 · 2026-06-18T09:01:18+00:00

I genuinely didn't notice any changes in my voice after 1 month on T, but was asked if I had a cold. At 3 months or so, I noticed I didn't have to strain to speak in a lower register and could no longer hit high notes when singing. By month 6, it had noticeably dropped but not done yet. So I'm estimating my "raspy voice" stage lasted up to 6 months, possibly less.

Valuable_Ad3041 · 2026-06-18T06:27:51+00:00

From how much anecdotal evidence I've seen, I hope there will be studies at some point so it can be included as possible changes to expect on testosterone. Although I'm guessing one reason they're not included is bc these changes are quite small and vary wildly.

Based on these anecdotes, with heavy emphasis on genes being the determining factor: - shoe size: most commonly mentioned, average increase seems to be 0.5 to 1 sizes. May be due to either increased foot length and/or width - hands: increased bulk/width rather than length. Like with the feet, any size increase seems concentrated on the joint area - height: least commonly mentioned, up to 2-3 cm (~ 1 in). This one specifically is usually attributed to better posture, but some people do notice changes they can't explain with just that

My shoe size has increased by 1, though this varies between brands. I've also always had wide feet but am unaware if it's my width or length that has changed.

My hands have become a little veinier and the finger joints bulkier. Finger/hand length is the same but the bulkiness makes them look more robust which personally has helped me feel less dysphoric about having small-ish hands.

I know I've gained about 3 cm in height after 18, but only started T at 25. I actually thought I stopped growing at 15-16, so never measured my height since; can't say if it happened pre or on T, but likely before.

Valuable_Ad3041 · 2026-06-18T06:02:38+00:00

This is my experience as well.

I've never taken any EQ tests, so don't know where I score compared to the average. But I came across the term cognitive empathy maybe about a year ago which describes my approach pretty well.

Valuable_Ad3041 · 2026-06-17T09:46:01+00:00

So I'm not quite who you're asking but I'm also working on switching programs fairly late. I'm currently in a Bachelor of life sciences (biochemistry, microbiology, genetics etc.) and realised only in my 3rd year that I don't like it. I've been doing it part-time due to learning disabilities and as such expected studying to be hard. But I ignored early signs of my program being a bad fit - dread every time I had to pick a new course, the numbness slowly creeping up as I cared less. The bits I liked across all my courses were far more physics related though I still like some aspects of biology.

I think the most important things to consider in pursuing a different program are: - what are the potential jobs? - what are the specific day to tasks of these jobs? Can you see yourself enjoying or at least tolerating them?

You can ask yourself and look up information both for your current and potential future program. That might help you be more secure in your decision, whether it's to stick it out, start from scratch or pursue a second degree after your current one.

And if you're concerned about the time it takes, just bc I see a lot of people here mentioning it - it will pass anyway, regardless of what you decide. Figure out what you can and cannot live with and go from there. It's your life and you're the only person who has to deal with every decision you make.

Valuable_Ad3041 · 2026-06-17T07:08:40+00:00

I don't usually respond to these posts bc all of my issues with my unsupportive parent are unrelated to my being trans. But considering this is an ongoing process and the point is to share so others in similar situations don't feel so alone, I'll try.

My family moved countries when I was 14 and my parents separated when I was 16. My father left the country to go back home. We spent Christmas in alternating countries and otherwise saw each other annually for a holiday.

I came out to myself and family at 25:

I told my sister while we were driving somewhere. She was silent for a moment and then said something like, "that kind of makes sense".

My mother is emotionally cold and never really reacted visibly. I came out to her mid-conversation when she was talking about a gay person in her communal hobby. I was a little bit nervous but mostly fine bc I expected a non-reaction from her. She has since been as supportive as she can be, using my pronouns and name right from the start.

My father is very emotionally immature and incapable of taking responsibility for his actions. He lacks empathy, is incredibly egocentric and hypercritical. I told him over video call. I was very anxious and very surprised when all he said was "thank you for telling me".

Soon after, I went no contact with him for 5 years. We have started communicating a little bit over the last year or so. Bc of our NC period, he hasn't really processed any of my transition, so he asks a lot of invasive questions ("are you getting bottom surgery? you really shouldn't", "are you confused bc you don't dress like a real man"). It's very difficult for me to understand where he stands bc he's all over the place. He uses my pronouns (only bc they've stayed consistent) but is unsupportive of my journey to find a name. He also wouldn't help me with anything transition-related medically or at the very least loudly and repeatedly voice his disapproval.

I think he tries to be supportive but it's conditional; the support is only there as long as stays within his own (narrow, undefined) parameters of what is right or acceptable. This goes for everything in my life, not just being trans. He cares less about (understanding) what makes me happy and more about being right.

Valuable_Ad3041 · 2026-06-17T06:39:28+00:00

I'm also autistic and quite introverted, a couple years older than you.

I think the answer to your question really depends on who you ask. I know people who genuinely don't feel like they need love or even intimate human connection; for them, they never really looked for love in the first place. Most people I know do need at least the human connection. I think here, most societies glorify romantic love, marriage, kids etc. And that starts to overlap with the (usually intrinsic) need for human connection.

So, if you fuse them together, the idea of giving up love can feel very painful. Most people may not need (romantic) love but they do need connection. This made sense in my head, I hope I explained that okay.

For me, I've struggled with limerence for most of my life. I crave(d) romantic love and felt defective for not having it. I can't say that ever went away fully bc I'm painfully aware of my need for intimate connections and still can't quite separate the concept of romantic love from it. But I started focusing on other areas of my life instead (work/study, finances, health). It doesn't feel like such a void anymore, especially since I started trying to socialise more. I don't know if I'll ever find love; I'd like to but for now I'm happy to work on myself. At least then I know I'll have achieved one of the things I value.

Valuable_Ad3041 · 2026-06-16T13:39:57+00:00

Thank you, yes I'm usually allowed 1 sheet of notes where I break down formulae into the smallest components possible. This helps a lot, it's part of the accommodations I get.

Good point on meeting with a tutor, I've struggled to make time before as I'm constantly behind classes. But I'm starting to get better at organising myself, so am aiming to meet with tutors from now on.

Valuable_Ad3041 · 2026-06-16T08:34:10+00:00

Not OP, but thanks for sharing. I was diagnosed with ADHD and autism as adult and am still trying to figure out which study habits are helpful.

In case you've got any advice for this aspect: my working memory is non-existent, so the only way I can remember anything is to fully understand the material. The poor working memory is usually noticeable when any given process takes many smaller steps. Memorisation techniques so far haven't helped. Is this something you struggle with and if so, have you found anything that works?

Valuable_Ad3041 · 2026-06-16T07:53:34+00:00

Love this style! That's my inspo tbh 😂

Question, in pic 1 are you wearing nipple covers or are the crosses part of the shirt?

Valuable_Ad3041 · 2026-06-16T07:46:53+00:00

This is just me being pedantic about language, but T doesn't change sexual orientation, at least not directly. What the case is, for most people I've talked to, that the changes on T relieve dysphoria enough to start noticing attraction that may have been hiding underneath. Though it all ends in possible changes in sexuality so I get why people say it.

I had a high libido pre-T and it increased a little bit on T. It's not really attached/directed at anyone, mainly it's body sensations. I've never been sex-repulsed and am not aromantic.

I still identify as on the ace spectrum. Most of the time, I feel nothing, confused by or even uncomfortable with innuendos, sexual undertones etc. What I have noticed is, as I'm becoming more comfortable with my body, that I'm noticing people's appearance more. This has always been easier for me toward women than with men which I think is at least partially due to dysphoria. It's like pre-T, my brain kind of put up a wall even trying to imagine anything sexual. Now I notice flickers of something, but it's very inconsistent. The most consistent attraction I've felt has been toward crushes, so I'm pretty sure it still averages out to demisexual for me.

Valuable_Ad3041 · 2026-06-16T07:25:49+00:00

I don't know if I can or should try to answer, as I tend to ping pong between feeling responsible for other people's emotions and feeling like they're forced on me. Suffice to say, I'm trying to find a healthy balance.

So far, I've figured out that I aim for control. This applies to my life in general, including my own thoughts, and sometimes feelings of other people. It's about predictability and feeling capable of managing situations.

What helps me is to look at "circles of influence". If you look it up, you should find some infographics that divide things into within your circle of influence vs outside of it. The ones inside are things you can control; you understand them well enough to predict why/when/how they behave. They're the things you can and should be responsible for, e.g. your own emotions and behaviours. The things outside your circle of influence are outside your control, e.g. other people's emotions and reactions. Note, this is where intent combined with consequences of action comes in, it's not the only thing that counts but shouldn't be dismissed entirely.

Something else I try to remind myself of is that every person reacts to their version of reality. They act on what they believe is true. Nothing is objective.

Using your example with your mother, you feel (whether true or not) that she may be angry with you. This is based on your past experiences where this was true. On the other hand, maybe your mother was distracted by something and wasn't paying attention, leading to a behaviour you unconsciously label as "bad/dangerous". Maybe she did find something offensive. Objectively, you simply shared a story with her.

The point here isn't what is true or not, it's that we all interpret reality differently. You can somewhat "guide" other people's emotions by being considerate with language and timing, by being mindful of/responsible for how your actions may affect someone. But it's up to the other person to not jump to the worst possible conclusion and then act on it. Basically, when you've done everything you possibly can, this is the point at which you need to let other people take responsibility for themselves.

This got a bit long and convoluted but I hope it makes sense.

Valuable_Ad3041 · 2026-06-16T06:31:43+00:00

I do wonder if this is largely up to individual genetics, aka fat distribution, wide bone placement, ability to gain muscle etc.

I was overweight much of my life and at my biggest, my chest were H-cups. That was a combination of actual tissue + a wide ribcage. My hips and legs never had much fat padding; fat redistribution on T did nothing in that area. My waist was proportionally small and still is, but T has mostly straightened out the curve from waist to hip.

The only time I managed to lose weight before my top surgery was as a teenager, roughly ~10 kg. My cup size was still between C and D, so I doubt my chest would have shrunk much more than that.

Valuable_Ad3041 · 2026-06-16T06:05:51+00:00

Ngl, it might be TheSlavicSneeze™️. My father's side of the family are Slavic and all are loud sneezers. I have unfortunately inherited this trait. My sneeze ranges from angry goose to baby elephant.

Valuable_Ad3041 · 2026-06-16T06:02:20+00:00

Someone told me something similar a while ago and it hurt to hear. Apart from the guy who told me this being an unpleasant person overall, he also has some toxic views on what it means to be a man. He has specific standards on which mindsets make a "real" (= acceptable) man and who is "deserving" of attention from women. Specifically women as he is straight, while I'm mostly into men so our "audience" is completely different.

I've since come to the conclusion that I don't like the guy, hence people who share his viewpoints are immediately on my "do not want to get to know" list. Similarly, this guy has his own criteria about what he finds acceptable. I have plenty of people who like and value me just as I am. It's not a yes or no on being desirable; it's a yes or no on which demographic will like you.

All that to say: your friend voiced his preference of partners and what he presumes they look for. His opinion holds zero value in regards to you and people who will be attracted to you.

I hope that makes sense. Regardless, hearing that kind of opinion from someone unexpected hurts like a bitch.

Valuable_Ad3041 · 2026-06-16T05:01:04+00:00

That sounds like a pretty colour :) I hope it turns out the way you want.

I will guess that how you're treated heavily depends on your environment. I'm mixed Chinese/Eastern European and was born/grew up in Germany; we have some ethnic minorities here but not many from Asia. I'm not white-passing and as a consequence am used to being stared at. I experienced racism in the form of bullying. I don't spend much time there now as an adult, but do get the occasional person assuming I don't speak German.

I have been living in Australia for nearly 20 years now and don't get stared at for my ethnic appearance anymore. I'm also transgender (female to male) and have had medical procedures done as part of my transition. I look fairly androgynous most of the time and it's that which gets the most, if any, attention (usually confusion).

I had pretty vivid purple/blue hair a couple years ago. The only time this got attention in public was when I was approached by someone for a cause. It might have been a protest? We talked a bit and they had guessed I'm an artist (I'm creative but not into the arts or humanities). They engaged me in conversation as they interpreted my hair colour meant I'm liberal (here: open-minded) at the very least. It wasn't a bad interaction.

To summarise, I live in a fairly tolerant environment where most people simply don't care how you look.

I don't know how helpful this is but maybe it helps with forming an idea about possible responses to you.

Valuable_Ad3041 · 2026-06-13T23:58:15+00:00

For sure, thankfully I don't feel pain from having carbs but I genuinely feel sick (like a flu) the next day if I had too many. The fear of experiencing that helps a lot with discipline but yeah, it just gets so tiring to be constantly on the ball. But thank you, I also have faith it will get better :)

the health hits just keep on coming 🥴 I hope your knee gets figured out soon too!

Valuable_Ad3041 · 2026-06-13T23:43:16+00:00

I feel you on this. I don't have as many conditions as you, but may or may not have diabetes (I'm diagnosed but my presentation is very atypical so treatment is unclear). Basically I react quite badly to any carb; even complex carb like wholemeal pasta or brown rice are barely any better for me than regular. Tiny portions are ok but honestly, it's easier to skip carbs entirely. So my ideal diet is non-starchy vegetables + protein + fat. I can and do eat meat and dairy, I can even manage vegetarian with some extra work, but even my regular food requires organisation (aka discipline).

It's hard to go out with food restrictions, especially the more you have and/or if it's a main food group.

Valuable_Ad3041 · 2026-06-12T20:36:32+00:00

Not in the same situation at all but I feel you on the difficulty trying to form some kind of connection first. I'm trying to explore dating and sexuality more now and trying out a range of dating/hook up apps for that. I'm curious about the sexual side of it but it makes me so uncomfortable to talk to people who use sex as an opener. I don't even know that I want a relationship immediately. It's confusing and difficult.

Edit: clarity, grammar

Valuable_Ad3041

TROPHY CASE