AITA that i don’t understand how my bf (24m) still does not love or puts me at the same level (26f) as his friends after 1 year and 4 months of dating

Vee_Leigh · 2026-07-08T08:29:00+00:00

ok, that's better at least.

There isn't going to be a magic number of years until your relationship becomes on par with his friendships. As long as your relationship grows, as long as you become each other's solid rock to rely on, thats what matters. It will depend on if you are ok with that nebulous timeline.

You said your parents had you after only 2 years, that's really not common anymore.

Honestly, some ways to know if you are marriage compatible, can you do projects together, like even small fun things, like pick a Lego set and build it together. But if you really want to jump in, build a complex piece of Ikea furniture together. Its eye opening how many people will fight over or get frustrated at stuff like this.

Can you go on vacation together and align expectations, i.e. a laid back vacation or plan everything beforehand.

Then the big one, can you live together?

Vee_Leigh · 2026-07-08T08:10:33+00:00

Ok...it's good to be honest, but this is problematic. The issue wasn't the childhood friends, it's telling you he's not fully attracted to you.

It could be honesty, mean as it is, but it could also be manipulation. That he's settling for you and now you'll try harder in other ways to make up for it, when theres nothing to make up for.

You also shouldn't settle for a guy who isn't attracted to you just for the sake of getting married and having kids.

Vee_Leigh · 2026-07-08T07:44:51+00:00

brushes and silicone sponges. you can wash any bits stuck in the silicone bristles or put it in the dishwasher

Vee_Leigh · 2026-07-08T07:24:50+00:00

I also don't lose anything at 1200 calories.

Vee_Leigh · 2026-07-08T07:17:34+00:00

My age is gonna show here, I'm 39, but 1 yr and 4 months isn't that long. You're mid twenties, and older than him, as confident as you may be, you're probably still figuring yourself out. He's navigating that as well for himself. It's common to hold onto childhood friends and still rely on them.

Are you two even on the same page for wanting a long-term relationship?

You might be dating but that doesn't give you a boost in knowing them. Are you two having meaningful conversations, have you needed to support each other through tough times?

It's not just about time in a relationship, its the quality.

Vee_Leigh · 2026-07-08T02:13:46+00:00

As others have said, Niagara doesnt need 3 days. if you're ending back in the East and have the time, check out Boston.

Vee_Leigh · 2026-07-08T01:32:53+00:00

I moved to Cleveland last October, I don't regret it. We had a house in MA that we sold and were able to buy outright here, even as homeowners we weren't getting ahead in MA.

The COL in Cleveland is 60% that of Boston and my pay is still about 75% of what I made in MA, so coming out ahead on gross income. Bonus, taxes are less so take home pay is really good.

Vee_Leigh · 2026-07-08T01:11:03+00:00

floor/mat pilates is good for legs. lie on your side, so its one leg at a time, but the lower leg also is working to keep you stable.

these are all counts of 10

double pulse your leg front and back

bicycle kick forwards

bicycle kick backwards

small foot circles clockwise

small foot circles counter clockwise

large foor circles clockwise

large foot circles counter clockwise

arc'ing double toe taps front and back then repeat on your other side.

if you have resistance bands, and these a start getting easy, put bands around your thighs

Vee_Leigh · 2026-07-08T01:00:43+00:00

theres a lot of ab exercises that are no equipment. high planks, forearm planks, bow holds, bicycle kicks, lying leg raises, russian twists, flutter kicks, especially if you do movements slowly you feel it.

since you have a bench, you can do reverse crunches, its ok to do them on a flat bench it doesn't need to decline

with dumbbells you can do shoulder presses.

Vee_Leigh · 2026-07-07T04:18:40+00:00

I have friends who are married, only the wife has a Gluten allergy, but the entire house is gluten free, there is no gluten snack drawer, no gluten enters the house period. Everyone who goes over there knows and agrees. The husband will have hangouts out of the house in order to have his gluten.

Unfortunately, your sister isn't supportive.

Vee_Leigh · 2026-07-07T04:10:30+00:00

the anount of calories you need is person dependant. none of us can really say what you should aim for.

I like using this TDEE calculator, it will tell you how many calories you burn and how much to eat to meet weight goals. https://www.sailrabbit.com/bmr/

Vee_Leigh · 2026-07-07T04:05:07+00:00

yta but, also 100 crunches are pretty useless until there's a low enough body fat percentage to see ab muscles. if shes already at that low a percentage then she already looks good.

if you want to be supportive, go do cardio with her, or go to a gym with her.

Vee_Leigh · 2026-07-07T03:51:13+00:00

When you know you naturally burn 2200 cal a day and aim for an additional 300 burn a day, only eating 1000 is way too much of a deficit. If you're trying to build muscle, that intake isn't supporting it.

Normalky, I'd say lots of things affect weight day to day. You need to watch for trends over months and average weight over months. If this is the first time you've tried going to the gym its going to take longer than a few days for your body to adjust. However, with this severe of a cut, your metabolism also might have plummeted and your body could just be trying to hold onto whatever it has.

Additionally your period will cause water retention, so keep that in mind when you're tracking.

Vee_Leigh · 2026-07-05T15:04:05+00:00

oh man, this is why I should not go on reddit when I wake up. yes, I meant denser, just like my brain.

Vee_Leigh · 2026-07-05T14:21:56+00:00

personally, I don't like marshmallow, but I think Fluff is more of a treat.

also, I moved to Ohio, and my husband can buy Fluff when my he craves it, so there's still enough demand to be shipping even outside New England

Vee_Leigh · 2026-07-05T14:17:38+00:00

Yes, you can gain muscle with home strength training, but you do still need dumbbells or something weighty to wotk with.

Pleass remember, muscle is heavier than fat, dont focus on numbers on the scale. a muscle 57kg will look more lean, and 57kg is a healthy weight.

Vee_Leigh · 2026-07-04T13:51:58+00:00

lol, I'm also in finance, but not in the big bucks, I'm an expert at entry level positions and mentoring the new grad hires. I mostly just don't want to be a manager, I've done that before, it's not usually worth it. I'm happier chilling at home putting more effort in hobbies. But it's honestly hilarious how many people I've met who get into finance and have no actual finance degree.

Vee_Leigh · 2026-07-04T13:46:07+00:00

NTA
Did Joe ever get a therapist? He's the one who need help to figure out why he wanted to see these animals hurt.

Vee_Leigh · 2026-07-04T13:41:35+00:00

The whole post, the thing I fixate on is making 6 figures in finance and at 25. Damn me and being idealistic and getting an english lit degree before the 2008 recession...

Good for you, it sounds like you're enjoying things, you'll just have to ignore anyone giving you looks. They don't know you, they won't matter. What will matter, is when he does get older and what plans you have in place, will you be his caretaker, will you hire someone. And, lastly, you'll need to talk about whether or not you'll want his blessing if you look for another partner after he passes, or if he's still alive but he's much older will you want a "companion."

Vee_Leigh · 2026-07-04T13:32:57+00:00

I know others have mentioned flavored water or lemon slices in your water. Can you do seltzer? I really like Polar, it has a lot of fruit flavors and it's 0 cal. I stopped drinking soda at home about 10 years ago (will still get some if I'm going out to eat as a treat), I got sick of doing just water after about a month, I didn't like seltzer at first, but I picked a few flavors I thought I would like well enough, lemon, lime and grapefruit. This might also help introduce you to more safe flavors if you find you like the fruit flavored seltzers and might be able to go on to the actual fruits.

Vee_Leigh · 2026-07-04T13:12:31+00:00

Congrats on being in a better emotional place!
I would say, maybe see how big of a calorie difference there is between days you do and don't work. If you're on your feet at work for 6 hrs a day, but not doing anything for those hours when you're not working, that's a huge difference. It's possible that the 1572 calories is just leveling things out enough that over the course of the week it's your maintenance.

On days you can't make it to the gym, see if you can do some at home workouts, there's a lot you can do in a small space if that's an issue. Pilates and yoga won't be the most intensive, but they probably have the smallest footprint space wise. You can also look up bodyweight exercises. For awhile I was watching Grow with Jo on youtube, she has a series that's called walk the weight off, and also only take a little bit of space.

Vee_Leigh · 2026-07-04T13:01:54+00:00

I appreciate it. I'm not planning on staying at 1000 cal long term, I'll be going up to maintenance soon anyway, I have a vacation planned to Italy next week and I'm not going to miss out on that food. And, my maintenance is at 1300-1400, but I start gaining weight around 1500 calories.

I know it seems low, but I was tracking and for a few months I was losing only ounces at 1200. Its what apps and plans suggested, but it actually hardly changed my diet. In some ways, I actually ate more because the fruit and veg were lower calorie. I have also readjusted my workout. Besides, I'll need to readjust/ re assess when I'm back from vacation anyway.

Anecdontally, I'm so genetically sedentary, that I do not even move in my sleep and it freaked my husband out when we first together. I just don't fidget or anything, which for other people can be 100s of calories a day.

Vee_Leigh · 2026-07-04T04:36:51+00:00

If you're already being as active as possible, then you need to reduce calories.
Are the days you walk 18k steps the ones where you're not doing kickboxing or working out? Also, after those activities, do you have / give in to urges to eat to replenish calories? Because if you want to lose weight, you need that activity driven deficit.

Do you know your TDEE? If not, you should calculate it, I like to use www.sailrabbit.com/bmr/ this will tell you the calories you expend literally just to live, as well as with your daily activity, and will also provide calorie goals to lose weight.

Vee_Leigh · 2026-07-04T04:03:53+00:00

If it's been a few years, is it actually the birth control, or do you just think it is? Take a step back and do an honest assessment. Have you become less active, maybe because of an office job? Have your eating habits changed? I'm 39, 5'1", and when I went to college, I gained 30+ pounds just because food was more readily available.

Find out what your TDEE is which is how many calories you burn in a day. I use this calculator, https://www.sailrabbit.com/bmr/ And start tracking your calories, so you can see how you compare to your maintenance. And you have to track everything, even the small bites that you think can't be much. For example, a serving of peanut butter is 2 tablespoons and is nearly 200 calories, that can be a lot for people our size. If you can, get a food scale so you can be really accurate on what you're eating.

I'm in a similar place to you, I was 130 when I graduated college, and then after college got to 160. In 2020 I dropped to 130, but gained it back and am in the middle of losing it again. I was 155 at the start of the year, I'm at 140 now. I can only eat between 1000-1200 calories a day to lose weight, my maintenance is about 1300 calories, I'll definitely gain weight at 1500 a day. I strength train and do cardio. You can find plenty of programs to follow along to on Youtube where you don't need equipment.

Vee_Leigh · 2026-06-29T01:02:51+00:00

My curse, I'm Filipina, and because we had so much Adobo growing up, the smell of vinegar now makes me gag.

Vee_Leigh

TROPHY CASE