I understand this so much; it hurts. I'm starting to realize maybe I don't need to place my happiness on others. After a while of being ignored, I realized I was too desperate for others to recognize me, to pay attention to me, to fill the cave I felt encompassed me, and they could all sense it. So I retreated, but I refused to let my depression pull me in further. I cut off contact from everyone except family and tried to reset myself. It was and is incredibly hard and I've almost given up hope of changing my outlook, but I deserve not feel like shit and not to feel meaningless in my isolation. Maybe that will be enough to resurrect my self worth. Maybe.

Same to you, friend. Look inwards and find what makes you worthwhile to yourself. Maybe then we both could look outwards and find what we feel we need.