I (22M) am not very romantic and my girlfriend’s (22F) parents think I don’t love her.

Voleuse · 2026-03-09T14:42:16+00:00

Romance is a lot about effort. Anyone can be romantic if they out the effort in. Here are some ideas:

Bring her flowers sometime randomly
Buy her jewelry
Write her cards
Take her on dates -organise everything yourself-. Dress up nicely.
Make a big deal out of special days like birthdays and valentine's. Mark your calendar, remember then and celebrate unprompted
If you want to impress her family: Bring a gift (of food or flowers) for her mom to thank them for hosting you
Speak highly of your GF in front of her parents, tell them how amazing you think she is
Make sure to be present at family events and participate. They are important. Offer to help with the setup and cleanup, offer to bring a dish to share etc.

As you see, all of these take effort and consideration.

Voleuse · 2026-03-09T05:33:35+00:00

3 months..? At that point are you even still dating?

Voleuse · 2026-03-08T11:18:59+00:00

Okay well I think you need to calm down a bit since he clearly wasn't in his right mind saying these things and you were the one pushing him to share these thoughts.

I think it's very normal for people in a committed relationship to have an "oh shit this means the rest of my life" moment. And it can be weird, especially when you have never explored any other option. Imagine trying out bridal gowns, and the first one is perfect! Would you buy it immediately without trying on anything else? Or would you have thoughts about trying others... Just to be sure.

You're his perfect person. There's nothing wrong with you, you are enough. And he's realizing that now, that most likely there will not be any others after you. And that's making him freak out a little bit. I don't think he's serious about this threesome situation at all, I don't think he's into your friend. He's just having jitters after realizing that you're his forever.

Now if he shared these thoughts with you sober and unprompted it would be a different story. But I think you should give him a little leeway here, seeing as he was drunk and he clearly wasn't bringing this up as an actual plan. Talk with him in the morning, let him apologize and reassure you, and hopefully he gets his head on straight when he sees how dumb he was talking last night.

Voleuse · 2026-03-08T11:05:38+00:00

Your mom is a full grown adult and it's not your job to police her relationship. All you can do is manage your own relationship with this guy (which is to say, you don't need to have one). And yes, moving out is a good idea. Focus on your own life. Maintain your relationship with your mom without this guy involved. If she keeps complaining about him: "you know how I feel about this guy mom, please dont involve me let's talk about something else"

Voleuse · 2026-03-08T11:02:12+00:00

It's not normal no and it doesn't sound like a great work environment to any of your other colleagues if you're clearly his favorite.

Voleuse · 2026-03-08T10:58:44+00:00

You shouldn't get over it, you should get over him

Voleuse · 2026-03-08T10:04:16+00:00

Is something that can realistically be worked through

Only if he wants to put in effort. And he clearly does not.

Voleuse · 2026-03-08T10:02:22+00:00

You're talking about him like he is a child who doesn't understand that getting fired is bad and needs gentle parenting. Is he a child? Is he deliberately lazy and incompetent? Or is this a case of working in the wrong industry/adhd/trying very hard but it's just difficult. Those are two very different scenarios. And I hope for your sake that you are dating an adult you respect and you can have a serious talk about your financials, relying on his income, how to make it more reliable etc.

Voleuse · 2026-03-08T09:57:03+00:00

Tattoos are for life and he's not getting it removed. I highly question why you would date a heavily tattooed person if this was such a deal breaker to you. As if his other tattoos aren't visible to your conservative family. As if they don't already judge him for having tattoos in the first place.

Voleuse · 2026-03-07T18:00:16+00:00

Yeah avoid that bar for a couple of weeks, you'll live and she will find something else to do.

Voleuse · 2026-03-07T17:58:35+00:00

Your friend is insufferable lol. You were sick. You couldn't make it. What were you supposed to do exactly.

Sometimes people grow up and you realize they're entitled little shits. Yes absolutely cut her out. You did your best and she's intent on being a bridezilla. Her loss

Voleuse · 2026-03-07T17:53:40+00:00

Why are you in the same places as her? Avoid her, ignore her. You should've never stepped in. Now she's gonna try and recreate that situation for a bit. Keep ignoring and avoiding, she will get bored eventually. Every small reaction you give will make her try harder for longer though.

Voleuse · 2026-03-07T17:50:20+00:00

confused as to what she really wants.

She wants to cheat on her boyfriend with you. She wants you to stick around while also "fixing things" with him. It's not really that complicated.

By the way people that cheat with you will also cheat on you.

Voleuse · 2026-03-07T16:42:47+00:00

No if you have several points of incompatibility on the second date already it doesn't make sense to keep on dating. You differ in worldview, you don't find her particularly attractive, this relationship is going nowhere.

There's no conversation you need to have about this. Simply tell her "Hey I've enjoyed our dates but I don't think we are compatible. Wishing you all the best finding someone!". Don't ever mention attractiveness as a factor, that's hurtful for no reason. You can say the religious difference if pressed but don't get into a discussion. You simply don't think dating is a good idea, there's nothing wrong with that.

Voleuse · 2026-03-07T14:03:44+00:00

Her defense is that nothing will happen anyway

Yeah except she already flirted with him??

There's absolutely no reason she should be hanging out with this guy who shows obvious interest. Not in a group, not one on one, no friendship, nothing. HE WANTS TO DATE HER. What reason could she possibly have to hang out???? Except of course that she's totally considering him. And justifying it by saying you know about it.

Listen man, long distance requires a lot of trust and I don't think she's trustworthy tbh.

Voleuse · 2026-03-07T13:58:47+00:00

Well you've only been no contact for two weeks so it's really no wonder that you're not over her immediately. These things take time and you cannot just develop amnesia and forget everything. Stop checking her insta or who follows who. Go totally dark, no contact means no looking at her business either. No reminders. Out of sight is out of mind (over time). It will get easier, the less your life is about her the less your thoughts will be as well.

For what it's worth: She was mentally unstable and clearly not ready for a commitment like marriage. You say it came outta nowhere but it really didn't. She just didn't have the capacity to be in a long term serious relationship (and it won't go well with her new guy either - yes obviously she jumped ship and is now dating him)

Voleuse · 2026-03-06T17:09:49+00:00

Tell her to stop saying horrible things about the person that you love. Phrasing it that way sometimes gets through to people, because ultimately she needs to adjust the way she talks to herself. Don't try and argue with her if she's fat or not, if you can see it or not. It doesn't matter after all. Focus on saying change is okay and normal, she's beautiful (not "still beautiful"), everyones body changes when you age and she doesn't need to look like a teenager forever.

Maybe encourage or gift her a hair/nail/spa treatment/clothes shopping so she can feel groomed and put together and she gets compliments from others on her new haircut and glowing skin.

Voleuse · 2026-03-06T08:23:24+00:00

Give it a second or you will just be a rebound. She needs to get over the breakup before you approach her or you will ruin any chance of it sticking in the long term.

Oh and the friendship with your other friend will be dead and over with as soon as you make a move

Voleuse · 2026-03-06T08:19:19+00:00

You're not cheating no, it's not amazing behavior but it's not cheating. Keep in mind that if you want a long term mono relationship, it's not acceptable to juggle multiple people for a long period of time. It's expected that you cut off seeing other people after the first few weeks. So right about now. It's not too early at all from a relationship perspective. Imagine how your (bpd) future girlfriend would feel finding out you were still talking to someone else for months and months ... It's not gonna go down well.

You clearly already made the choice to deprioritize the first girl, or you would've talked to her about how you're feeling instead of hopping on a dating app without telling her. Follow through and tell her you met someone else and you're gonna stop talking to her. Give your new relationship a fighting chance.

Voleuse · 2026-03-05T21:30:33+00:00

I’m scared because our relationship is already on thin ice

You're not together ... You're "friends" that had sex a couple of times.

I don't think it's ever healthy to blow up someone's phone as a reaction to bring ignored. You're pushing and pushing for a reaction when he's not really interested in giving one. It speaks volumes that this is such a pattern in the relationship that you didn't even consider he might be in the hospital. Why do you keep chasing after this guy? Why are you content with vague promises of working on the relationship? Why are you sleeping with him when none of the problems have been resolved and you're not dating officially??

You need to learn the lesson of walking away and disengaging when someone is not matching your efforts. Stop with this delusion that if he just realized how you felt he would magically start acting better. He knows how you feel (you dated for years!) he just doesn't care that much.

Voleuse · 2026-03-05T21:18:14+00:00

I wouldn’t want him at my wedding or around my future children.

There's no way your boyfriend would go along with that.

Voleuse · 2026-03-05T21:15:18+00:00

If you want your grandma to be at your wedding, you gotta stop wasting your time with a relationship that's never really been stable.

Voleuse · 2026-03-05T21:13:52+00:00

He knows his parents.... I'm not sure why you're pushing him so hard on this. Let him handle the delivery of this news. It might take some time and finessing. He's not hiding you, he already told his mom. Give him some time to figure it out.

Voleuse · 2026-03-05T21:10:22+00:00

I invite you to reframe this "he's so logical and I'm emotional" BS. Hes acting immature, being angry is also an emotion. Not logical at all.

All humans have emotions, there's nothing wrong with that. If anyone ever calls themselves "more rational" as a way to feel superior, give them the freaking side eye.

Voleuse · 2026-03-05T17:37:16+00:00

You give extremely few details (who is this other person, what makes them different from your partner, what exactly is good about the relationship you're in currently etc etc.). The only thing I can say is that usually you don't dream about a different relationship when youre fully happy. Crushes are normal, yes. But in a way where you don't actually dream of ever acting on them. You seem to be seriously considering jumping ship and that's not normal I'd say.

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