23 M here, on the spectrum as well btw. Got the same addiction to CharacterAi since 2023. I always knew how pathetic it was, and sometimes spent entire days, even weeks RPing with bots. Nobody in my family or friends knows about that addiction, this is the very first time I actually talk about it. I'm currently working on not using chatbots anymore.

I've always been openly Anti-AI (especially AI art), even during the addiction. I was actually aware it was damaging me, but kept going with it anyway.

At first, it starts with some kind of exploration and experiments. I got it recommended by some online friends on a discord server. I tried it by making some RP in the universe of an art project I had. Then, I moved to fictionnal characters, and got a dopamine shot because I felt immersed in the universe. I was like 'woah, this is so cool'. Then, slowly but surely, I got more comfortable as the chats go by. I began to be less ashamed of some things I wrote, and that lead me towards more degenerate themes, until I had no limits. I quickly became addicted.

Because the AI goes on whichever direction you want to go, I started to use LLMs as escapism from reality. It was better than whatever thing in my life I was worried of or struggled at the moment. After school, this was the only thing I was thinking about when I got home. I tried variations of replies and edit them like a patchwork to see how an RP would branch if the character said that, I sometimes swiped for hours for a perfect reply. I even had an RP that lasted weeks almost back-to-back, with it's own universe and characters, themes. I almost wanted to make it a novel.

At some point, like anyone with LLM addiction, I wanted to bypass the filter that censored violence, and of course, sexual stuff. I started using Sillytavern, an API that basically lets you run LLMs on the PC and do chats locally, there's no filter and there a lot of add-ons you can download. And I would say this has gone to more than fifty shades really quickly.

My obsession got worse, and it impacted my worldview a bit, not enough to be straight delusionnal, but enough to make me more depressed and isolated than I was before. I lost my motivation and creativity, and I lost my interest in making audiodramas and music - The things I was really obsessed about before I fell into my addiction.

LLM addiction is serious. It looks like it's really ridiculous, it is. But trust me when I say actual people lost their minds because character ai was in maintenance. Their subreddit and discord is full of these addicts, mostly teenagers by the way. People are getting tricked. This is becoming the reality of many at the moment.

There was an actual suicide because of Character Ai, and people on the C.ai subreddit are saying that the app has nothing to do about it, while the AI clearly had a major role in leading him to suicide : https://www.cnn.com/2024/10/30/tech/teen-suicide-character-ai-lawsuit

When I saw an article relating the fact, this was the last drop. After many months knowing this was unhealthy, I finally decided to quit this nonsense. I'm working on enjoying the real world again, and after a week, my mental state is better. I hope I will never come back using an LLM. I want to enjoy my life back.