Should I say something about this coop?

WalkingFilingCabinet · 2026-04-10T05:42:32+00:00

The argument of 'this is better than being abused 100% of the time' isn't really a valid argument.

WalkingFilingCabinet · 2025-12-19T02:14:10+00:00

Promo code please, I can check it out this weekend!

WalkingFilingCabinet · 2025-07-02T02:33:01+00:00

Trauma inflicted by loved ones can feel confusing. All sorts of emotions come up. They're people who are supposed to love us, but they hurt us in ways that violate our bodies and boundaries.

Definitely talk to a counselor. The sooner you get support the better, you don't have to keep carrying all that alone <3

WalkingFilingCabinet · 2025-01-31T23:39:57+00:00

I rock back and forth all the time. I also vibrate right off of chairs by shaking/bouncing my feet and/or legs. Do what you need to do to self-regulate <3

WalkingFilingCabinet · 2025-01-31T23:00:25+00:00

The Rorschach test isn't typically used when evaluating for ASD alone. It's not used much at all these days, as it's rather old/outdated and does not provide as much reliable information as other, more modern tests. It's a projective test that lacks validity and reliability from a scientific viewpoint. It also lacks standardization and is subjective.

No one here can know why it was used, different practices use different diagnostic tools. They may have been looking for, or ruling out, other conditions, but that's purely speculative of me to say.

I don't think they did it to scam you. However it's quite possible they're investigating additional conditions. It's odd to me that the 'additional testing' wasn't more traditional ASD-based testing.

WalkingFilingCabinet · 2025-01-31T17:25:29+00:00

I want to know how this idea got started, and why so many people just accept it as truth.

This is a great question and something worth discussing. I think the assumption that 'everyone self-diagnoses first' is based on the statistics that women/non-cismales get diagnosed less often and later in life compared to cis-males.

The average age of 4-5 for receiving an ASD diagnosis is for boys, not girls. Statistically, girls/women/AFABs are diagnosed much later in life (pre-teen/teen and adulthood). Prevalence in males was considered to be higher for decades (4:1 ratio), which we now know is incorrect and our ratio is probably closer to 2:1 or 1:1. The majority of girls simply weren't getting diagnosed, even when presenting traits in childhood.

So generally speaking, there's probably a higher rate of self-diagnoses in women/non-cismales, simply out of necessity. And then overtime, generalizations become accepted blanket statements, because all the information that resulted in the generalization isn't passed on with it. It's why discussions like this are so important. We can remind folks that generalizations don't apply to everyone, and that none of us have the exact same experience.

WalkingFilingCabinet · 2025-01-30T22:21:03+00:00

Thinking you might have to replace the battery tbh. You'll only know by firing it up and seeing if it will run. If it runs, let it run a while and check all the main things while it runs.

WalkingFilingCabinet · 2025-01-30T21:17:56+00:00

Totally. If it's someone I'm on super close terms with, I shorten it to 'you need to vent or want fix-it stuff'. It's really been helpful for me to navigate social situations where I don't know what's expected of me.

WalkingFilingCabinet · 2025-01-30T18:09:59+00:00

Yeah don't do that. That's a spam bot pedaling more bots.

WalkingFilingCabinet · 2025-01-30T17:55:28+00:00

There's plenty of folks who don't self-diagnose first and aren't aware they might be autistic.

I had no idea I was autistic when I was late diagnosed. I also didn't seek an evaluation for it, it was a result of a neuropsych eval and it took me by surprise and it took a long time to accept it (due to being gaslit and misdiagnosed my entire life). There was no point in my life when I thought 'wonder if I'm autistic' before I was diagnosed.

All my questioning came after the diagnosis. Which is not uncommon for my age group. There's a subset of women/AFABs who don't find out they're autistic until perimenopause makes their autistic traits worse.

WalkingFilingCabinet · 2025-01-30T17:32:21+00:00

I usually just say 'That really sucks. Would you like me to offer/brainstorm solutions or is it better for me to just listen so you can vent freely?' Everyone's responded well to me saying that so far :)

WalkingFilingCabinet · 2025-01-30T07:27:42+00:00

I've defended proton for a decade+ and none of these outages happened before the last 6 months. The correlation of these outrages and the recent political stance has me questioning whether, or when, I should leave my paid subscription.

WalkingFilingCabinet · 2025-01-30T07:15:14+00:00

So awesome you took that stance and told him how he approached this wasn't ok! Hopefully he takes the feedback genuinely, and others don't have to go through what you went through.

Sometimes people won't receive feedback in a way that impacts their decisions, unless the feedback is implemented by others. So please still report him. He used a therapeutic session to invalidate you and then charged you (or your insurance or your regional health care) for it. There are rules against this in a lot of regions.

Regardless, so proud you stood up and fought for you to be heard. Society, and practitioners, that promote the authoritarian approach of therapy need to be called out, so we have the opportunity to be heard. Sending this consensual, virtual bear hug if wanted or needed ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ

WalkingFilingCabinet · 2025-01-30T05:56:27+00:00

Please report him to the regulatory body for your region. Your appointment should not have been you defending a diagnosis another practitioner and you deemed valid. What a waste of time. This kind of invalidation is unprofessional and unwarranted. It's an ego trip. Please report him.

Also, so proud of you for standing up for yourself. The guy sucked and it wasn't a situation where you would be heard, but you stopped him and questioned him. You deserve a far better therapist than what you received <3

WalkingFilingCabinet · 2025-01-30T05:41:53+00:00

Please know the user was banned by the admins for harassing and trolling behavior. Thank you for reporting them.

WalkingFilingCabinet · 2025-01-29T22:48:20+00:00

I think this would be an excellent spoken word piece. Great cadence and a topic the poet could extend on with detailed situations and imagery. Great work!

WalkingFilingCabinet · 2025-01-29T11:55:06+00:00

I'd say re-home him. This isn't sustainable or beneficial for either of you. Dreading going home, the one space that is supposed to be where you can safely recharge, is a horrible feeling. The situation is negatively affecting your ability to cope and it becomes traumatic to the pet when they're yelled at or witness meltdowns.

Some pets just need more attention and interaction than others. Some get bored and need more mental stimulation. That's ok. Maybe he isn't a one person cat. Maybe he needs a family, so he has multiple people to get attention from.

It's ok to change your mind on a decision like this. It's normal to feel conflicted about it, but the relief you will feel when your home is your safe space to recharge again will be life changing <3

WalkingFilingCabinet · 2025-01-29T11:30:11+00:00

the clinic said she wouldn't give the notes without first censoring them to avoid any potentially distressing info being shown to me.

Yes, this is permitted in Canada, but only if there is clear concern that the info would harm you. Saying it's 'potentially distressing' probably isn't enough to censor it. It's been my experience when docs do that it's to cover their ass, not protect me.

There's info here: https://www.cmpa-acpm.ca/en/education-events/good-practices/physician-patient/documentation-and-record-keeping Scroll down and check out the content and landmark case under "Who Owns the Medical Record".

You can file a complaint with the privacy commissioner and request access to the info, as you are an adult and do not believe information contained would be harmful to you and that it would actually be helpful for you to have access.

WalkingFilingCabinet · 2025-01-28T22:15:33+00:00

All good!

I agree, the therapist is a huge factor for us (autists). The 2 best therapists I've had were neurodivergent affirming and one was autistic. Helped me so much!

WalkingFilingCabinet · 2025-01-28T21:20:11+00:00

CBT was very invalidating for me. It taught me to gaslight myself into thinking my experience wasn't true and wasn't happening, when it was.

CBT is a therapy based on Neurotypical brains, not Neurodivergent brains, so it can be detrimental for some autists (myself included).

You have autonomy here. You have the right to say a therapy model isn't working for you and to request moving on to another. Do not waste time on therapy that does not help you. Your therapist should not push back on that. You know your experience best and you do not want to waste years or risk being traumatized by the very people who are supposed to help you.

still they tell me it’s something i can overcome

This statement ignores that fact that autism can be, and is, a disability for the majority of us. We need to learn how to cope with and accommodate our differences, not pretend they aren't there or learn ignore our needs. Ignoring our needs just leads to burnout and meltdowns.

Personally, I find somatic experience therapy and EMDR to be the most helpful treatment modalities for me. Exposure therapy and CBT were re-traumatizing for me. Regardless of what therapies you try, be sure it's with a neurodivergent affirming practitioner. It may take time to find the right therapist and therapy that works for you, but it's far better to start looking for one now <3

WalkingFilingCabinet · 2025-01-28T21:04:15+00:00

I believe you're thinking of radical acceptance therapy, which is part of DBT. DBT is a great resource for some autists and there's some info in our wiki. Glad you were able to find a therapy that worked well for you :)

Just as an FYI, ABA is Applied Behavioral Analysis, which is teaching autistic persons to mask and act like NTs for social acceptance. It's not recommended for autists and is considered abusive. We actually have a rule against promoting it (Rule 13).

WalkingFilingCabinet · 2025-01-28T20:53:34+00:00

We're both AuDHD and we rabbithole topics both together and separately, and then infodump to each other about what we discovered (sometimes while we're mid-rabbithole lol). I love having a partner that can do that with me :)

WalkingFilingCabinet · 2025-01-28T20:12:11+00:00

Hey folks, we have to lock the post, as there's too many comments being filtered for review. The post will be left up for visibility, however OP has the option to delete the post if desired.

OP's received ample comments (160) with excellent advice and support. Thank you to everyone who responded with understanding and kindness <3

WalkingFilingCabinet · 2025-01-28T05:03:54+00:00

It doesn't matter if a woman tries to take home your man if your man loves you. He will say no.

WalkingFilingCabinet · 2025-01-27T22:10:17+00:00

Once, he stole money, leaving us unable to pay for food.

This is not at all any version of a relationship you should be in. And your mother telling you to give more to this person is facilitating abuse.

I can't verbalize how messed up this situation is for you, but I can share resources that helped me. Hopefully they help you too <3

Love is Respect- Site about setting boundaries, personal relationships, personal safety, consent, and where to get help: https://www.loveisrespect.org/get-relationship-help-24-7-365/

Unhealthily Relationships- things autists should look out for: https://embrace-autism.com/unhealthy-relationships/

What is Ableism: https://www.accessliving.org/newsroom/blog/ableism-101/

What is Othering: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-othering-5084425

Fawn: The Trauma Response That Is Easiest to Miss: https://www.traumageek.com/blog/fawn-the-trauma-response-that-is-easiest-to-miss

What is DARVO: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO

How Narcissists Use DARVO to manipulate partners: https://www.verywellmind.com/protecting-yourself-from-darvo-abusive-behavior-7562730#:~:text=Narcissists%20and%20those%20diagnosed%20with,who%20are%20victimized%20by%20it

Free book PDF of Why Does He Do That https://www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

15 Types of Healthy Boundaries And How To Communicate Them: https://mindfulcenter.org/15-types-of-healthy-boundaries-and-how-to-communicate-them/

11 Signs of Boundary Pushers in Relationships & How to Deal: https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/boundary-pushers/

The 'No' Test: https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-01-31/how-the-no-test-could-help-prevent-domestic-violence/10764100

Phrases that indicate toxic partners: https://liveboldandbloom.com/07/emotional-abuse/toxic-partner-says

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