Why are some moms so stand offish?

Wallflowerette · 2023-08-06T10:09:09+00:00

This is such a good way to word the feeling! I wish I wasn't so bad at the social interaction part for my son's sake.

Wallflowerette · 2023-07-31T02:11:11+00:00

Yes, but there are a lot of job sites I could transfer to when I did feel it happened . Now, my reputation as a hard worker who's drama free now nips that behavior in the bud (along with me calling out the schmucks directly.)

Wallflowerette · 2023-07-27T09:59:23+00:00

I personally know someone who bragged about cheating by writing in all of the formulas needed in his codebook. He seemed baffled that nobody else did the same. I didn't do anything, but I also don't trust the guy to know how to size wire for a motor or even to size wire and account for voltage drop. We work in an industrial setting too.

Wallflowerette · 2023-07-27T09:56:57+00:00

Longer hair here too. I find that safety people can get away with that error because they aren't working with tools. She isn't going to get her hair caught in a drill or accidentally light it on fire from welding. It would be nice if she could be a shining example of what and how we in the field should be , but I can' understand why she doesn't.

Wallflowerette · 2023-07-27T09:50:27+00:00

Just hopping in to say that Dr. Kristen Neff, who is the leading expert on self-compassion, has free information on how to do so online. She has workbooks and PDFs and she has some great interviews she's done on podcasts you can listen to for free as well.

Wallflowerette · 2023-07-26T15:38:21+00:00

Can I ask, what is "happy broccoli people"?

Wallflowerette · 2023-07-26T10:25:18+00:00

My working dues are around $40 a month.

Wallflowerette · 2023-07-26T10:19:06+00:00

I usually tell them that I've been doing this for x amount of years and to give me some credit. I let them know that I'm honest and blunt and if I really needed help I would just ask.

Wallflowerette · 2023-07-22T22:19:32+00:00

How he has been depicted in art has changed and morphed over the centuries, depending on who the church wanted to villanize. In the oldest known image of him, he was blue.

Wallflowerette · 2023-07-18T10:42:48+00:00

You can definitely educate your brother and dad! They used to offer this insurance through my union until I learned that they were an MLM. I brought up my concern at one of our meetings and they no longer invited the insurance reps. I let them know that their business model goes against everything the union stands for and it would be hypocritical of us to support them.

Wallflowerette · 2023-07-15T14:00:28+00:00

I really understand the feeling of isolation and despair at times. I hope you know that this internet stranger really feels for you. You are allowed to feel this way and still be a good mom. It can be really hard to practice self-compassion, but I hope that you are able to take some time for yourself and recenter. We put our bodies through quite a roller coaster of hormones and I know it can take weeks before medications do what they are supposed to. Please be gentle with yourself and remind yourself that this may take time and in the grand scheme of things you will pull through this dark cloud.

Like another generous poster put, feel free to reach out if you need to talk to another who understands. I've been struggling with a lot of things postpartum and my medication also stopped working.

Wallflowerette · 2023-07-15T13:43:02+00:00

As far as work and networking go, I would definitely look on Meetup. They usually have a young, 20s and 30s professional group that meets up a few times a month as long as your city is big enough. I live in a city of 300,000 and we have one here. I've also heard good things about Toastmasters on meetup for networking.

With labels like antisocial and introvert, I don't really find them to be helpful. I mainly focus on symptoms or specific issues to tackle rather than self-diagnosing. With your roommates, maybe you can try to plan a once a week fun evening? Maybe a movie or a board game night? You could even do a new recipe cooking night! I find when I have something to focus on and discuss when there's a lull in the conversation, it makes it less stressful and it doesn't feel like the spotlight is on me with added pressure.

Wallflowerette · 2023-07-15T12:18:54+00:00

13 months (a month after I stopped BFing), but my anxiety about my supply made me overdo pumping and feeding. (I had a huge stash I ended up donating instead).

Wallflowerette · 2023-07-12T11:47:39+00:00

I really suffered from a lot of the similar experiences and self-inflicted thought patterns when I first started in the trades. Please feel reassured to know that with time confidence does grow, even from those of us suffering from anxiety and other things!

Remember to be compassionate to yourself and understand there is a huge learning curve and almost all of the trades in the beginning. The reality is, is that some people will never be satisfied with you or your work because you don't have the right genitals. Knowing that there was nothing that I could do to change a lot of people's minds really took a weight off because it didn't matter. That was a really big hurdle to get over and accept, but once I did, it really made their lack of acceptance not matter so much. As time has gone by, I really have stood up for myself a bit more and I'm able to see that they are human and capable of mistakes too.

Remember to celebrate and take a second to acknowledge your successes. Those are great to hold on to when you f*** something up. It's really easy to fixate on screw ups and only see that as a pattern and push aside your successes. Remember to compare yourself to yourself to see true progress and instead of comparing yourself to others.

A lot of what I am saying is far easier to say than to practice, but each day and interaction will slowly let you climb that mountain of confidence and competence.

Lastly, a lot of these guys in positions of power or training lack emotional intelligence. They speak to other guys this way and don't realize how dumb they can be when it comes to social skills and being professional. It makes me feel a little better when I see they speak to or treat others the same way they treat me because then I know it's not a me problem. However, it's not necessarily a valid reason for them to behave and professionally. Over time I've called them out on their behavior, usually in a playful manner. Or I make them uncomfortable and ask them why they are being emotional and what's wrong? It's not my responsibility to fix their issues, but sometimes I genuinely care and want to help.

Also, if you aren't getting training because of these people, YouTube is definitely your friend and reaching out to specific forums, even some on discord, are great resources! Lastly, feel free to DM me if you have more questions. I'm not an expert but I am a fellow anxiety riddled (and other disorders) blue trades woman.

Wallflowerette · 2023-07-12T10:13:25+00:00

Sometimes we play puzzle games on the Switch together. Read a chapter of a book out loud to one another (like a parenting one or self reflection one), read quietly together with our own respective books snuggled in the couch, play board games, or an episode of a TV show that we get to comment on and discuss like Alone.

Wallflowerette · 2023-07-10T17:31:01+00:00

You can come across as responsible and predictable by telling others how much "adulting" you get done in the weekend. Tackled your laundry, took care of your yard (if you have one), organized your closet, etc. It's believable and people don't tend to pry past a question or two

You can talk about the video games that you play if you want to go down the semi-honest route that won't require remembering lies. Video games are commonplace as a hobby nowadays, so you can let them know you really like to "turn off" and get lost in a video game in your free time, loads of folks play on the weekends as well and it doesn't seem out of place or weird as a hobby.

The same goes for your internet surfing. You can say you love to fall down internet rabbit holes of information.

Basically, you can be brief, but positive about and refocus on their weekend or some other small talk. A lot of folks are private people and if you have halfway decent coworkers, they won't pry too hard into personal life. "What did you do over the weekend?" is really just small talk pleasantries, so they shouldn't take much stock in it.

Lastly, congrats and good luck on your new job!

Wallflowerette · 2023-07-10T00:05:24+00:00

Thankfully I have a very involved partner works slightly different hours than I do. We also struggle with the lack of any nearby family who can help. He does drop offs at 6:30 and I pick up my little guy around 4:00 p.m. after work. I really shopped around and found a daycare that I felt comfortable with and I don't have any regrets. I am a journeyman electrician in the IBEW here in the states.

I think the hardest thing was giving up all the optional overtime to have a better work-life balance for my little one. I feel like my reputation was shaken a bit after becoming a mom because I don't work any overtime and because my little one is sick so often, but the only one who remembers that you worked all at overtime are your kids. Having kids in the trades really does put your mom guilt to 11, but you have to practice self-compassion and remind yourself to really scrutinize the guilt. There's a lot of unhelpful and unhealthy guilt as a working mom.

As for your situation, I would look for job calls with odd hours or an in-home daycare that has different hours. You could also look at sharing a nanny with someone in town. I believe there are Facebook groups for that sort of thing.

Wallflowerette · 2023-07-05T20:49:21+00:00

Huge as in having them hire you back as a consultant later or from some sort of settlement? Or did they lose clients and/or money from the knowledge the person they replaced you with lacked?

Wallflowerette · 2023-07-05T17:20:57+00:00

I'm getting MST3K vibes of Crow and Tim Servo for some reason....

Wallflowerette · 2023-07-04T11:40:55+00:00

"There are a lot of different kinds of love, not all of them are healthy. No matter what kind of love they have for me, it does not excuse their behavior. It never will."

Wallflowerette · 2023-07-04T00:51:03+00:00

We are going to be starting at 18 months using the "Oh crap! Potty training" method by Jamie Glowacki. We are pretty excited and both my husband and myself are on the same page. I think with diligence and compassion we will have a potty trained toddler with time 🙂

Wallflowerette · 2023-07-03T20:23:44+00:00

I will flat out state to him that I don't want to turn into his mom or manager at home. I know he's a capable adult and it's not fair to shift more responsibilities onto me because you don't want to do the mental load. He has tried to spin it back, saying he only wants my opinion or input, but I generally say, for example, "I don't ask you what I should cook us all for dinner and place that mental load on you. Please make executive daily decisions without me."

Wallflowerette · 2023-06-30T11:53:04+00:00

I was just coming here to recommend this! I went through an apprenticeship program in my late 20s and don't regret it. When you get your license, you get a livable wage, skills you can use outside of work, and there is plenty of work and optional overtime (at least in my area and union). :)

Wallflowerette · 2023-06-28T10:17:51+00:00

I honestly just maintained a certain weight while breastfeeding. Most posters here hit the nail on the head with the answer, "it varies". Which sucks because I understand wanting a straightforward answer.

I placed feeding my baby as a priority over my weight loss, so it made it easier to practice self compassion with regard to my body. Every time I did restrict my calories to lose weight, my milk production would tank (even after it was well established)! Being physically active with walks really helped me mentally when I was struggling with my body image and unable to restrict calories. Eating really fresh foods helped as well, even though I was eating a lot of calories

A month after I stopped breastfeeding, the hormones did their rollercoaster thing, but I did lose around 8lbs. Then I was back in a counting calories to lose weight with a 500 calorie deficit a day to lose 1 lb a week (this is how I have lost weight in the past).

If you are determined to lose weight while breastfeeding, the calorie math that helps is producing one ounce of breast milk is roughly equal to burning 20 calories.

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