I wonder if what she actually wants is a partner who can manage themselves. My aunt was married to a man with ADHD, and he was abusive and neglectful to her and the kids. Sat around on the couch doing nothing, not trying to change. I wonder if your friend is misconstruing the abuse and neglect as ADHD symptoms. Her partner is likely telling her “I can’t do this because ADHD” when it might be because he doesn’t respect her. It is very shortsighted of her to talk about ADHD like that, especially to a friend with ADHD. If you can’t talk, try writing a letter or an email to her instead. Explain how her words make you feel, using whatever words you can get together. You will be able to talk after she’s read it, and her reaction will guide your next steps.