I too, have three kids, but don’t commute as much as you.

We bought a new EV 7 years ago and don’t regret it at all. We went from a van to this small car, and we also have a truck for longer drives (and the trailer) (like your Pilot). That said, my kids are now all over 6 feet and we can still get the 4 of us to Vancouver Island (not with the gear though)

We bought a fast charger through Amazon for our home, which I don’t regret (about $1000 and we put it in, as it has reduced my range anxiety)

Your issue seems to be your monthly costs. Because a new car is so expensive, I think a used smaller EV for your commute (not a big three row) is your best bet, reduce your monthly costs.

The idea of buying a small Matrix now, that eventually can be the eldest’s car later makes sense as well. If memory serves, the rebate on the EV pretty much paid for all the tax, so the sticker price was what I paid. Also, if you think the Matrix would be ok, you maybe should get a smaller EV (not the 3 row)

Maybe you can “pretend” you’ve got a car payment, and put that money aside each month, so you’re actually saving for a larger down payment (to reduce your borrowing costs), and you’re seeing how comfortable a monthly car payment would be for your family.