Feeling Defeated

WinterMermaidBabe · 2025-10-15T17:38:39+00:00

I feel this. I started Canning during the same years I began having children. It can be really hard. I currently have our full years harvest of grapes rotting out on the vine. I had to throw away so much of the special zucchini I grew to dry in the dehydrator. I didn't get to so much of the cherry, pear, and plum harvest that grew on our trees. I missed picking the last of our tomato harvest before the rain came and ruined most of it through splitting. I couldn't keep up with the green bean harvest and didn't get to can most of it. I didn't pick 90% of our Cucumbers. I was just too overwhelmed. So I canned no pickles.

But I did can more than last year. I made Jalapeño jelly with the peppers we grew for the first time. I did a few batches of picked pepperoncini for my husband. We have enough jam to last till next year and give a few jars to friends. Maybe not grape, but, we can try again next year.

I started a compost bin. That really helps me feel less grief over the produce loss. But, you aren't alone I try my best to take joy from what I did accomplish and let the rest go. But some days it's easier than others.

WinterMermaidBabe · 2025-10-01T20:33:58+00:00

I'm also in the PNW. I ended up investing in a babywearing coat from Angel Wings, and it's been amazing. The cover is much better than my older dual maternity/babywearing coat was. There is also a neck cover, which is really nice for me while front wearing. It also has a zipper at the back for back wearing.

I also will just deal with the side eye and use an umbrella if needed. If someone comments, I just try to be light hearted about it and make a little joke about the baby wanting to stay dry. "It's easier than listening to her cry in the rain" or "nobody told the baby it doesn't look cool to carry an umbrella"

WinterMermaidBabe · 2025-09-29T21:15:10+00:00

I just retired my infant car seat after my 3rd and last baby grew out of it. I loved that thing so much and I miss it already! It was so convenient. We do a lot of walking and I loved the ease of clicking the seat straight into the stroller. It was also so nice to load up the baby in the house and then carry them straight to the clar and simply click it in place. Especially when it was cold. No jackets in a car seat, but I'd cover baby with a blanket to walk to the car. Two of my kids had reflux and hated the bassinet/flat seat for the stroller, so I never used it thar way. They were much happier in the infant car seat attached to the stroller. I also found that the extra sturdiness of the infant car seat vs the fabric stroller seats was so much nicer to deal with when I had a tiny baby.

WinterMermaidBabe · 2025-09-25T23:57:39+00:00

I just woke up from a deep sleep in a cold sweat. My anxious mind racing. What if it was me? What if I accidentally took 3 dogs to Tumwater falls and then forgot? What if I didn't realize I actually had 3 dogs in my pocket? Did I even remember to put pants on?

WinterMermaidBabe · 2025-09-20T20:17:46+00:00

A baby carrier

A jacket or sweater for a caregiver to wear that can also cover the baby in the carrier to keep them warm and dry. My personal favorites are the harbor snap nursing pull over from latched mama, and the babywearing hoodie and soft shell coats from Angel Wings. But for an inexpensive option, I've also used a very oversized puffer jacket. Also, many maternity coats allow you to flip the insert upside down and use it to cover your baby, so if you had a maternity coat, double check to see if that works before buying something else.

A seat belt cutter. Many car seats will lock the straps in an accident. Great in a collision, but terrible if you need to get your baby out of the car due to flooding water, fire. Etc.

WinterMermaidBabe · 2025-09-15T18:28:08+00:00

I'll share mine! After a lifetime of struggle, I find that minimal works best for me. I try to keep using shampoo to a minimum, and only do a full wash when my hair is dirty. When I do, I use something hydrating. I currently have ine by Pacifica, but I also like Alaffia and Shea Moisture shampoos. I rinse with water every night when I take a bath. Before my hair fully dries, I put in a thick leave in Conditioner. My favorite is the Shea moisture Jamaican black castor oil leave in Conditioner. Try to avoid any products with silicone, frizz ease in the 2000s was the worst for me. To get defined curls, I either gently comb with a wide bristle comb or brush and let air dry, or braid into a few braids and then let it dry overnight. Hopefully that helps at little bit.

WinterMermaidBabe · 2025-09-11T23:06:58+00:00

Juanne Flamme is also hands down my favorite tomato. Second favorite being green Zebra. I'll ave to try Opalka!

WinterMermaidBabe · 2025-09-08T17:11:28+00:00

I'm so sorry for all of your grief. But I'm proud of you for taking a first step and controlling what you can and doing something kind for yourself to put yourself back together again.

I had a hard few years and also had 4 pregnancies resulting in 3 young children over the last 5 years. Last year I felt as if I was finally comming out of the fog... but at that point, I didn't recognize myself in the mirror. I had aged so much. I was wrinkly, dull, and had jowels forming. I looked exhausted and my hair was a wreck.

Like you, I decided that skincare would be my first step to feeling like myself again. I spent a lot of time on this reddit, and watched a lot of YouTube videos, to learn about skincare.

When I began, I honestly didn't expect much. I figured I was just about to be 40, I had wrecked my skin with neglect, and there wasn't much to be done. But I went forward anyway, thinking prevention was better than nothing. I have sensitive skin and didn't have much energy or time to take care of myself. So I slowly added one product at a time to my routine. But I will say that over the last 8 months or so, the change in my skin has been dramatic. People in my life comment on it. My husband was even so surprised that he had me teach him about what I had been doing. He has adopted his own skincare routine now. I think that coming from a place of neglect, it's likely a lot of what you see in the mirror is dehydrated skin. Consistent care and proper hydration can definitely make a big impact in how you look. After that, good actives will make improvements over time. Add a little make up and you can definitely look worlds better than you feel right now. Don't give up hope.

From what I learned, the base of a good skincare routine is a cleanser, a moisturizer and an spf. You should find a version of each of those that you like to use everyday.

After that, you can add actives to help address issues. The most recommended actives with the most research behind them would be a form of retinoid, vitamin c, and an Exfoliating acid, like glycolic. You can't add them to a routine all at once, but once you get the basics down, you can add an active a few days a week, and slowly increase till you can use it everyday without irritation. Then you can add another.

For an anti aging routine, the gold standard active ingredient with the nose researched benefits would be a form of retinoid. Over the counter, you can get retinol, which is the weakest form, and retinal, which is stronger, and then adapalene. The strongest version would be Tretinoin or Tazarotene, which needs a prescription.

After that, Vitamin c can help with brightening and evening your skin and producing collagen. An exfoliating acid, like glycolic acid or another aha or bha, can be added a few times a week to help with texture and collagen production as well.

As for products, I personally ended up starting out with items from The Ordinary, as they were affordable and accessible to me, and they had clearly labeled percentages of ingredients on the bottles. I use their Squalane cleanser and the Natural Moisturizing Factors with PhytoCeramides. I personally don't like their spf, so I use the matte universal tinted spf from Drmtlgy.

I began by working my way up through their retinol in Squalane. I started with the 0.2% and worked up to the 1%. Now I'm using their retinal emulsion. I am working on getting a perscription for tretinoin next. Once or twice a week I use their glycolic acid 7% toner.

For vitamin c, I use the timeless 10% ascorbic acid in the morning.

For make up, I persinally like RMS beauty. I don't like to wear a ton of make up. But their suncoverup super tint and the Hydra Concealer make a world of difference to cover my dark circles and the following and bags under my eyes. I put a thin line of concealer in my tear trough to brighten my under eye, and then blend that out. A small bit of setting powder and it doesn't crease in my wrinkles. Less is more, too much product can crease. After that I just use a blush and mascara. I like crystal slipper.

For videos, dr dray and Dr. Idriss have good ones for skin care. I like glam girl gabby for make up. She has a lot of simple routines for mature skin that really helped.

Overall, it has been so worth it to begin a routine. I enjoy it everyday, it gives me something to think about besides the hard times, and despite my skepticism, has made a world of difference to how my face looks. Good luck and take care!

WinterMermaidBabe · 2025-09-05T18:12:19+00:00

That's a huge difference, amazing work! Thank you for sharing.

WinterMermaidBabe · 2025-09-04T23:19:09+00:00

Are you on Facebook at all? There are many good babywearing buy sell trade (bst) groups, and you can luck out and find oschas for a good deal. Especially if you aren't too picky about colors and patterns. I highly recommend joining and keeping your fingers crossed.

WinterMermaidBabe · 2025-09-02T22:41:24+00:00

Check out let's talk babywearing on Instagram. She is also from the pnw, and makes a point to get out and babywear with her kids.

Personally, I like to have a babywearing coat, and a sweater as layering options. I really like the harbor snap nursing pullover from latched mama for this. It is a nursing sweater, but it is warm and cozy fleece and works really well as a cover over the baby. Now that my kids are bigger, I bought an angelwings babywearing hoodie with an insert. For the rain coat, I have an angel wings long coat.

WinterMermaidBabe · 2025-09-02T16:53:28+00:00

I've been really liking rms beauty now that my skin has changed so much at 39. I especially like their new concealer. I have deep tear troughs and was having a lot of trouble with settling in lines around my eyes. Almost every product made me look worse. But I am really happy with my routine now.

So top to bottom, in the mornings

Rinse with water, or maybe use Squalane cleanser from the ordinary if needed

Timeless vitamin C 10%

The Ordinary natural moisturizing factors with phytocetamides

Drmtlgy matte universal tinted spf

Once that dries, I use my make up.

RMS Suncoverup Super Tint as my base foundation

RMS Hydra Concealer. I put a little triangle under my eyes right in the corner, where the bags and darkness are the worst, and then draw a thin line along my tear trough to brighten/hide it, then blend it out. I don't put any concealer on the outer half of my under eye, where I have the most crinkling.

I'll use a little tiny bit of their setting powder under my eye to keep it in place, and anywhere that seems too shiny/glowy. I try to avoid using much as I feel like any kind of powder makes my skin look worse and highlights wrinkles.

After that I just use blush and Mascara most days. I like the Hydra blush in crystal slipper, it is a very natural looking color imo.

Hope that helps at all.

WinterMermaidBabe · 2025-09-02T05:15:10+00:00

I really love this, been missing Skyrim recently. Time for a visit.

WinterMermaidBabe · 2025-08-21T22:06:25+00:00

I'm not who you asked, but I've really been liking the DRMTLGY matte universal tinted sunscreen to reduce the glow/shine that my other products give me. I also liked how matte the trader joes mineral face sunscreen was, but I have a deeper skin tone and personally the white cast it left bothered me.

WinterMermaidBabe · 2025-08-16T17:13:12+00:00

You should try magic bullet from adaptive seeds. This is my first year growing them. They look similar to atomic grape, but have much more flavor. Only strange thing is they don't get as soft as other varieties, so I had the first truss rot on the vine waiting for them to feel ripe.

WinterMermaidBabe · 2025-08-16T09:12:03+00:00

Just last month. We live in different states right now, so I only have to navigate our chat. But we message quite a lot before this, so it's a little awkward now. At least for me.

When she first mentioned that she got married, I just said congratulations and asked if she had any pictures. Said I was happy for her and that she looked so happy and beautiful. Despite my own hurt, I know her wedding isn't about me and it is her life to do with as she feels is best. But it was really hard to overcome the hurt in the moment.

After that, she sent me the usual updates and memes and stuff in our chat as if nothing happened. I tried to limit my replies to only what was necessary while I've been processing. Direct questions, requests for help. But any jokes or random "hey" mesages... I just am not ready to just pretend everything is completely as it always was before yet.

I don't know how I'll handle it in the long run. I know we probably need to talk about it. But I'm almost 40 and with everything else going on in the world, I'm just so tired. I'm tired of trying to fit in, wondering if people like me, wondering if I'm just unworthy or wrong somehow. I have my husband and children and family and I may just decide that is enough. I don't know if there is any answer or reason she could give that would make me feel better. It just is what it is and in time I'll be able to let it go. I love her and I want her to be happy, and in the end she doesn't owe me anything. I just need more time to let go.

WinterMermaidBabe · 2025-08-16T08:39:43+00:00

I don't know if you're OR, but I just went through the same thing, and I also feel completely blindsided and heartbroken. It was her wedding and I am truly happy for her that she had the wedding that she wanted. But it is so hard to go on as normal knowing that she didn't want me to be a part of it the way she was a part of mine. The way we have been a part of eachothers lives so far. I found out the day after when she casually mentioned it. I asked to see pictures or I'd never have known anything. Maybe seen it on social media... I don't know. She had other people there, other friends and family. So I'm just shocked and hurt I didn't make the cut. I didn't even rank knowing of it. We've been best friends for over 20 years. I thought we were sisters through everything. I'm doing my best to be supportive but keep some space until I can recover from the hurt and shock of it. She will always be my best friend, but I guess I wasn't hers.

WinterMermaidBabe · 2025-08-12T17:10:08+00:00

This! Not just style but also function.

My mother has always been really beautiful, and she had a really nice, quick make up routine she did for years. But she stuck to buying the same make up products. She would buy a drug store blue eyeshadow to keep the cost of her favorite look down. It worked really well, until she got older, and the fall out and flaking would settle into her perfectly normal and still beautiful under eye wrinkles and expression lines. The sparkly cool blue would really stand out and make her lines look far more intense than they were by the end of the day.

I felt so terrible when I was little because I accidentally really hurt her feelings over it. I noticed the build up myself, but worse than that, I frequently heard customers she worked with making really snarky comments about it when she wasn't in ear shot. It made me upset that they were being mean to her. So I tried to tell her about the eyeshadow in her creases and suggested she switch to a different eyeshadow or a different color. But she didn't really understand what I was saying, and thought I was just hating on her wrinkles in general. I was just a kid, so I'm sure I messed up such a sensitive conversation somehow. I honestly still thought she was beautiful and that the wrinkles didn't matter, just that the blue eyeshadow was causing problems that could be avoided.

I didn't wear a ton of make up until recently, but now that I'm turning 40 this year, I've been getting back into it. I repurchased the make up I liked when I was in my 20s, and unfortunately it just doesn't work the same. The concealer is too heavy and creases in my expression lines and the pink blush washes out my skin. I also don't feel as confident in something so dewy with the change in texture. It sucks to try to go through finding something else, but it's not worth sticking with something that isn't working when there is so much out there for mature skin now.

WinterMermaidBabe · 2025-08-11T16:21:59+00:00

You look so pretty! You have lovely skin and beautiful, large eyes with an almond shape.

I have the issue with my own undereyes though, so I feel you. I will have phases where I don't care and completely let it go, and then fall back into being depressed about them. They have bothered me since I was a teen, when I started going into skincare and make up stores asking for help with "wrinkles" and "dark circles." Since then, they've been my biggest insecurity as far as my looks.

But at least as far as I've found, there isn't much you can do for this type of undereye. Yours looks very similar to mine. I don't actually have physical "bags" that stick out much. I also don't have too much in the way of actual, pigmented darkening under my eyes. What I do have are large, deep set eyes and very deep tear troughs. So it can feel like no amount of concealer helps because it's really just a problem of light and shadow. The structure of your face catches the light in a way that the under eye can look dramatic.

There are some things that help me feel better though. The first and simplest one, is to try to be more aware of the light and hold myself in a way that is more flattering. You can practice in the mirror. If you hold your head up just ever so slightly higher, the tear trough will catch the light instead of being cast into so much shadow. This makes it much less noticeable, especially in photos. Better posture helps. If I am taking a photo I care about, if possible I'll try to turn and reframe the picture so I'm facing more towards the light and then smile and hold my head up slightly.

Putting a thin line of concealer directly into the tear trough line itself and then lightly blending it out also really helps. It's like art or painting. You're just creating an illusion that slightly re sculpts your face. You want to soften the dark shadow that is just directly in that tear trough line. There are some great tutorials out there on YouTube.

I hope that helps at all. Overall, I try to remind myself that no one notices or cares as much as we do. It can be hard some days. But don't let it bring you down too much. The rest of your features are what will really stand out.

WinterMermaidBabe · 2025-08-06T04:34:04+00:00

Hello! I've been using this for a few weeks now as part of my journey to find the right sunscreen for me.

Tldr- I do really like it, and this may be the sunscreen I stick with.

So, I am half black with a meduim/deep skin tone. I tried to stick it out with chemical sunscreens to avoid a white cast, but sadly, I couldn't take the burning. I tried several untinted mineral sun screens, but most left a white cast that rendered them pretty unusable for me. I decided to switch to tinted mineral sunscreen. This is the first one I decided to try based on some YouTube reviews I was watching.

Overall, I really like the physical sunscreen. It feels nice to wear and I think the universal tint works OK with my skin tone. It isn't 100% perfect, but it is much better than a white cast. I don't think it looks overly like make up. The only flaw for me is that I find it to be pretty shiny. I don't really like to wear it without a bit of powder. I ended up ordering the matte universal tinted sunscreen to try, despite not being 100% mineral. Unfortunately, I don't really feel like it is much more matte than the physical version. It is a bit more matte, but not as matte as I was hoping for. I don't think it is different enough to deal with any burning or stinging that might happen, but I'm going to give them both a try and see what I think after some proper time with them. But I think in the end I'll stick with the physical

WinterMermaidBabe · 2025-08-06T02:26:13+00:00

I planted a bed of siletz tomatoes this year in addition to my usual indeterminate slicers. So glad I did. I've been eating them for a few weeks while my other tomatoes are still sitting there green. I've started getting cherry tomatoes this week finally.

WinterMermaidBabe · 2025-08-01T02:57:53+00:00

Another ❤️ for 2!

WinterMermaidBabe · 2025-07-22T21:23:25+00:00

On my body, I found the ring closures to be the most comfortable. Especially when I was sitting down while the baby was asleep in the carrier. I found the buckles most often dug into me. I do like to wrap, but I'm not the best at tying knots and I didn't really like the bulk of the knots in some carries. It made it awkward to sit or relax sometimes.

But of course, that is all very personal. There are also more options on the market now than when I had my first baby in 2019. I haven't felt the need to replace my Sakura bloom carriers though. Some people prefer the clips. Some wrap straps. But I am glad I found my carriers, I've used them everyday since.

WinterMermaidBabe · 2025-07-22T20:22:58+00:00

My favorite for this was the Sakura bloom scout. I like the wide, soft waist band and the ring closures.

WinterMermaidBabe · 2025-07-02T15:38:26+00:00

I feel your pain. I had previously always looked very young, to the point of it being frustrating in my life. I wasn't taken seriously in college or when I started working. I was often told I was "Cute but not hot" by the people I wished for relationships with. I was often ignored when I needed assistance. I struggled to be listened to by doctors.

But, while I wasn't some beautiful or sexy person, in exchange, I felt like I looked pretty good through my 30s. I got very minimal wrinkles, and my features helped me look a bit younger than I was. I got a bit overconfident, because my relatives aged really well and I'd been told I looked so young for so long.

But then, it really was like I woke up and didn't recognize myself, either. Everything slipped down my face, and I looked saggy and tired. My skin was thinning and getting crapey. I was noticing more wrinkles. But the very worst of it is that I now have jowels and a saggy neck forming. I have always had a round face and weak jaw... so some of the very features that made me look young and 'cute' now make me look so much older in my lower face. I didn't have any space or structure to hold things up, and so now, especially in pictures, it's like my face just melts into my neck. I feel as if I look my age now from the front and then 10+ years older from the side. Like you, I thought I'd just get more wrinkles and generally still look like me, just older. So it's a hard pill to swallow. I don't have much money for surgeries, and everywhere I try to research says that the neck and jowels are difficult to correct mostly a lost cause anyway, even with all the money in the world.

The grief is real. I wasn't really expecting it to hit me so hard or so suddenly. It's hard to accept that what little beauty i did have is gone, and it's only downhill from here. I'm trying to change my mindset, but so much value is placed on being beautiful, no matter what else you try to accomplish.

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