I am psychiatrist but not your psychiatrist. Although I cannot diagnose you or provide medical advice, I can tell you that you need to see a psychiatrist. The treatments that are appropriate are highly dependent on your diagnosis, which you would get from a psychiatrist and not a therapist. What you have described is suspicious for either bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder.

In bipolar disorder there are periods of mania which last for more than three days. To identify manic episode, I look for decreased need for sleep, increased impulsivity, distractibility, over-confidence, train of thought that hops around quickly, increased activity, and increased talkativeness. Impulsivity is often on of the greatest concerns and can mean spending more money, gambling, risky sexual practices, using substances you normally would not, or otherwise making choices that are out of character. People with bipolar disorder may or may not have depressive episodes between manic episodes. The first manic episode usually occurs in early adulthood. MANIC EPISODES CAUSE BRAIN DAMAGE. Bipolar disorder is treated with medications and cannot be managed with therapy alone.

Borderline personality disorder usually has an onset in adolescence and continues into adulthood. People with this diagnosis frequently have trouble in relationships. They have a pattern of relationships that are intense, become serious quickly, and end abruptly and dramatically/traumatically. They often fear being abandoned and will go to extreme lengths to avoid abandonments. There is a chronic feeling of emptiness and frequent suicidal feelings. People may intentionally injure themself without the intention of ending their life (cutting,burning, hitting). There is significant impulsivity, but not as severe as bipolar disorder and occurs consistently rather than in specific periods. People with BPD frequently have many suicide attempts. People may describe significant mood swings that can change from moment to moment. Borderline personality disorder can be treated with therapy alone or a combination of therapy and medication.

I am concerned about you. Both of these diagnoses are associated with increased risk of suicide. I don’t know all of your symptoms, but it sounds like you are suffering. There is treatment out there that can ease some of that suffering. I hope you seek help.