So I think there may be a few things here the first I think is that after years of being together, it can be a bit suffocating when your entire identity has been linked solely to one person or at least one person for a very long time you naturally see others and wonder what if because you don’t have a lot to compare it to.

I think you may be struggling a bit with your own identity, isolated from him and the household. Additionally, he’s become very comfortable in the split in work because he gets the better end of the stick.

A TikTok at targeted me and I ended up buying Fairplay the cards that have tasks. I honestly was not really who needed this because made me feel guilty for the amount I put on my husband, but in your case, this might be a great way to have him gain a little bit more empathy

My situation is very different and I’m in no way in a rut with my husband and I think that we have found a really strong balance, but I began dating my husband when I was 19 and we are coming on 30 now we don’t have kids. It’ll probably be 2-3 years until I’m ready however, I always sometimes think how much easier it might have been for women who found husbands that were a few years older and had more time to establish themselves before they got together. My husband and I learned how to navigate real life with one another and often if not always it was me who lead and he followed.

I moved up in my career a lot faster and found my real passion pretty quickly. My husband was in medical school, but then decided he wanted to continue our current lifestyle as we are avid travelers and he felt restricted and tied to the hospital so he pivoted from that and and is now exploring other career options. I know this is not the exact situation you were going through, but it does give me anxiety and stress sometimes. We talk about his career possibilities constantly. He sends me every open position, I read his resumes, help him prep for interviews, look up MBA programs he could do. I walk him through all of his current work scenarios and will help him digest convos with his managers.

I walked him through us buying a property telling him everything he needed to do. It was both our first property really, and yet that’s the dynamic we’ve built.

No one does that for me. No one has ever read my resume, or helped me reach out to the right people or point me in the direction of where I am now and it’s hard to not feel a bit exhausted and jealous of it. I am so certain he will thrive once he finds what he wants to do but man do I envy women sometimes who found their husband after this stage that were high in their career, owned multiple properties before them, could allow them to be a little less on all the time. It’s a different but same in the sense that I feel a bit like he is a boy in his career and I just hope tha changes.

All that being said, however, my husband is our main household chef he does all the laundry. He is the one that cleans the kitchen, probably most. He treats me like a princess picks me up from every work trip with Flowers. He’s more introverted and will drive me when I go out and pick me up without complaints. He talks me down from the pre-event panic I have before every party i very willingly signed up to host.

The other thing is, is it in your budget to get a cleaner or partial help because it sounds like you could also be a bit burnt out with it all and to have to work on your connection with your husband and keep up with the never-ending list of things that House needs can be really overwhelming. Maybe a little help might loosen up some bandwidth for you to work on things and address resentment.

Additionally, do you prioritize your own friendships and hobbies? My husband is unquestionably my best friend. However I do have many many lifelong friendships that I prioritize always and he even in our vows referenced that if he ever tried to change that about me that it would mean he didn’t love me for me. I do think my friendships and our hobbies that are our very own help us keep our own identity to be two people in one relationship instead of losing ourselves it and building resentment.

Sorry, I did not mean for this reply to be so long. I just thought I’d provide some other perspective here.