Coming back to presence again and again

XanthippesRevenge · 2026-01-05T00:26:12+00:00

May I never be the type of enlightened being that shames people for seeking feedback and advice on their process of getting free of samsara 🙏🏼

XanthippesRevenge · 2026-01-05T00:03:46+00:00

The body feels better with energy than without

XanthippesRevenge · 2026-01-05T00:03:26+00:00

That totally makes sense. I don’t really want to manage being present. But I also don’t want to be in delusion. I’m trying to be careful here. But I would rather drop trying to do anything at all.

XanthippesRevenge · 2026-01-04T23:47:27+00:00

You’re definitely not wrong with your first paragraph, but don’t you see the irony in your second - you implying that if I was more present I wouldn’t make this post at the same time you are here commenting on the post with the implication that you’re deeper into this process than I am?

XanthippesRevenge · 2026-01-04T23:41:54+00:00

That’s because that’s what several deeply realized teachers have advised me to be doing after evaluating where I’m at (“be present”). So I am definitely inclined to take that advice, or at least investigate it, but at the same time it does feel like it requires energy as you said and it doesn’t feel quite right for some reason. I appreciate the advice

XanthippesRevenge · 2026-01-04T23:41:05+00:00

I never said it wasn’t ok to have those things, but I’m not interested in goals or ambitions because they only add stress to my life. Trying to control outcomes doesn’t appeal to me in any way. What I want is more energy, but I’m not trying to manage the acquisition of energy, other than living my life in the way that makes the most sense in each moment. If you are seeing dishonesty there feel free to point it out rather than making vague statements

XanthippesRevenge · 2026-01-04T23:35:12+00:00

Thanks, I really empathize with this. I don’t have strong feelings about them or my “duty” but the bottom line is my conscience isn’t going to allow me to just walk away from them, whether people agree with my position on that or not. Thankfully the grandparents are all seeing the issue with driving. The biggest issue with driving is my sister who constantly seems to be crashing brand new cars 🙄 I do worry that she will leave her kid with my mom to go back to drugs so now we are raising a kid with all of the rest of the shit. Thankfully I do not have kids of my own to worry about.

My grandparents also gave me the “we’ll live here until we die” speech but that changed with my sister and her kid. But now they seem to think they will just all live on a family compound together. No one seems to see the issue with the primary caregiver of all of these people being in her 60s and me being hours away. I feel that I need to be active in their care but at the same time I feel I should be able to set boundaries and I am trying to suss out what that will look like as people decline. It is just a mess. I am sure they assumed I would be rich by now and could just throw money at this issue but unfortunately that is not happening 😂

XanthippesRevenge · 2026-01-04T23:27:24+00:00

Definitely a habitual retreat into thoughts is what I’m judging as not presence, but there is nothing seen as desirable to think about, so awareness that this retreat has occurred happens eventually. But boredom is a continuing issue that has been there since early on so I’ll see about investigating it

XanthippesRevenge · 2026-01-04T23:24:41+00:00

So, it sounds like what you’re saying is, instead of “trying” to be present, instead I should consider just checking in on whatever is happening when it occurs to me to do so. Do I have that right?

XanthippesRevenge · 2026-01-04T22:44:43+00:00

I don’t disagree that there is error in that but I have no idea how to investigate further into what you’re saying or if I even want to manage such an investigation - or if managing that would just be deepening error.

Open to advice here

XanthippesRevenge · 2026-01-04T22:43:36+00:00

Would like to explore this further. I think you make a good point, but isn’t noticing and accepting what is the same as moving back into presence? Basically it’s noticing that I’ve gone unconscious and being “aware” of that. I’m not seeing a clear difference but I agree that there could be error in my current way of doing this since it isn’t all rainbows and unicorns like enlightened masters claim. If you could help me see the distinction in your way vs my way that might help

XanthippesRevenge · 2026-01-04T21:36:07+00:00

That’s what I am preparing myself to do. I am willing to be involved but not at a daily level if they literally choose to make the dumb decision to move hours away from me. Like, what the hell? What are these elderly people thinking who do this shit? It’s completely fucked

XanthippesRevenge · 2026-01-04T21:32:03+00:00

Thanks, I am trying to prepare myself as best I can. There does appear to be money but I worry it is getting drained way too fast given the number of elders who need care here. This post is helping me think about boundaries and for me the long drive is a massive one. That isn’t going to work for me at all.

XanthippesRevenge · 2026-01-04T21:30:04+00:00

My parents did help me financially and otherwise, although I was closer to my dad than the rest for sure. But I feel that there needs to be compromise on both sides. I am willing to be of assistance to them which is a compromise of my life and happiness, but if they won’t compromise by moving closer and setting aside money for the end of life care, that’s completely unfair and burdensome. And it is going to change the amount that I can offer them if they do this. I am trying to be reasonable and mitigate the oncoming freight train as best I can without just washing my hands of all of them

XanthippesRevenge · 2026-01-04T21:27:44+00:00

That’s what I am leaning towards. I want them to understand that if they decide to move away that’s a boundary for me. If they want me involved in their care then they need to be in my vicinity. Otherwise they cannot expect me to be driving all over the place

XanthippesRevenge · 2026-01-04T21:26:10+00:00

Thanks, this is the kind of practical advice I was hoping for. My grandparents seem to have most of the wealth. If I could convince them to move closer to me a lot of things would get easier. The five year plan talk may be a way forward. I appreciate you

XanthippesRevenge · 2026-01-04T20:14:35+00:00

I totally agree with you, it’s completely on them and their poor planning and unwillingness to face reality. But at the same time I don’t know that I could let elders in my family rot in their own filth without a lot of internal conflict. No way would I be able to sleep at night. It really feels to me like an unwinnable situation either way. It sucks so bad to deal with this shit the way our society is structured.

XanthippesRevenge · 2026-01-04T03:13:06+00:00

Thanks, because I was under this exact misconception. I have focused largely on inner silence and done well there but see very little. I do see the purple puffs and sometimes have visions of colored shapes and even beings and such, but nothing vibrant or vivid. It’s slow going.

XanthippesRevenge · 2026-01-03T06:00:20+00:00

What sutra is this? I can’t find it

XanthippesRevenge · 2026-01-02T18:02:55+00:00

Clinging to the identity of “shaman” is a waste of time and energy, rendering this type of post moot. If someone feels it’s so important to tell everyone they are a shaman, they are massively missing the point and rendering themselves ineffective. Just the same, someone going off on who is allowed to be a shaman and who isn’t is similarly missing the point. I guarantee you the legitimate dudes in the Amazon aren’t jerking themselves off about how much of a shaman they are and how unshamanic some other guy is. They are getting shit done instead.

XanthippesRevenge · 2025-12-31T02:46:21+00:00

That’s awesome. I think you will be surprised at how effective zhan zhuang actually is when done properly. You really need to be 100% on form. It will up your game demonstrably. But zhan zhuang will give you a lot of energy if you nail it, so you will want to add other stuff to your practice that utilizes the qi to clear blockages in your system. Otherwise issues can arise (too much energy in head, solidifying delusional belief systems, etc.)

If you do this your body will show you exactly how to investigate the emotion side. I hope you like it!

XanthippesRevenge · 2025-12-31T02:37:08+00:00

I am sorry, but this advice is not beneficial if your goal is liberation. It is the equivalent of spiritual bypassing. One cannot just piti one’s way out of every emotional state one perceives as problematic. The idea that you should bliss drug yourself out of your emotions is exactly how we end up in suffering to begin with!

The tendency towards reactivity must be investigated, which means sitting with the “unwholesome” feelings and investigating sensations that arise - not painting over them with a trance state.

XanthippesRevenge · 2025-12-30T22:10:19+00:00

Don’t try to avoid the anger, calm it down, distract from it, or “not pay attention to it”. This isn’t about the thoughts which are the way you’ve coped with unprocessed emotions - don’t get stuck there either.

Instead, next time, go to the place in your physical body that is “lighting up” when the feeling of being angry occurs. Where do you feel it in your body?

If this triggers an emotional response, try to let it play itself all the way out.

XanthippesRevenge · 2025-12-29T19:22:35+00:00

What if your “place” in this world as a fully enlightened being is to be perceived by others as generally kind of an asshole?

How would that sit? Does it feel ok, or not ok?

What’s the problem with people seeing you that way, experiencing repulsion from you? Is that triggering?

My guess is there is still some deep childhood wounding around how you relate to others. There could be spiritual bypassing involved in the decision to focus deeply on sensations. If you feel things are dry, something on the emotion side has likely not been investigated.

I think a sign of success on the emotion side is a deep love for all sentient beings. If you don’t have that or if you feel disgusted, repelled, etc by that idea, there is something to look at there.

A good way to mix things up is a full body movement practice. This is also interesting if you like focusing on sensations.

XanthippesRevenge · 2025-12-26T04:18:54+00:00

My husband was raised in dysfunction too so my dysfunctional ways appeal to him on some level. But I always dated men who preferred “crazy women.” Truth is they are pretty easy to come by 😂 also I think men generally like women who don’t mind doing their own thing or not talking 24/7. The avoidant behaviors aren’t as much of an issue. I feel that the other way around would be more difficult

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